Divorce - yes or no?

[Anonymous]

You need a divorce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On your deathbed, will you be able to look back at your life and say you were happy? I read that a lot of people on their deathbeds wished they had allowed themselves to be happy. Only they know why they didn’t let themselves.

I will have to pay him a large amount of money. He was unemployed for most of the marriage.

Oh boy, get him working and functional first before you file or let him know your intent. Being a breadwinner mom is the absolute worst position to be in in divorce. Sadly I know.

A breadwinner dad is actually the worst. And the moms usually get the kids.

[Anonymous]

How old are your children, OP?

[Anonymous]

Divorce yes!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are your children, OP?

Teenagers, both in HS

[Anonymous]

Who's Dr Ramani?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On your deathbed, will you be able to look back at your life and say you were happy? I read that a lot of people on their deathbeds wished they had allowed themselves to be happy. Only they know why they didn’t let themselves.

I will have to pay him a large amount of money. He was unemployed for most of the marriage.

This happened to a friend of mine. $300k. Her aunt told her, how much would you pay to get rid of a brain tumor? I think that’s the right mindset.

OP, as someone who had a similar situation minus the money (well, I had to buy him out of the house but he pays me child support) — it’s so much better on the other side. Your life will be peaceful. For the first time in years I can just be without having the constant drama of his out of control mental health issues buzzing in the background. It caused me so much stress I was paying for help with GI issues, sleep, hormones… my hair was falling out. All that is over now. Everyone says I’ve never looked better. My career is taking off and I have started dating again. Trust me. You WILL be happy again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH has been awful - terrorizing me for months, lots of emotional and verbal abuse. I have a therapist, and every online source, including Dr Ramani would point to the fact that this marriage is over. Yet I feel horrible ending a marriage of 20 years. I am very conflicted.

If you want to give it a last try so you don't end up regretting giving up without a good fight, attend marriage counseling with him for six months. If he isn't willing to go and fight for a better marriage then there isn't much you can do.

I didn’t know how. He’s been so awful, I don’t want to speak with him or look at him. When I hear his voice on the phone (he’s been away for a new job for 2 weeks), I feel like I have PTSD. He repeatedly told me to die/go to my grave/he’ll ship off my coffin etc. I had to go to a hotel because it was so bad for a few days.

He sounds borderline or narcissistic. I’m sorry. You should be need to live like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On your deathbed, will you be able to look back at your life and say you were happy? I read that a lot of people on their deathbeds wished they had allowed themselves to be happy. Only they know why they didn’t let themselves.

I will have to pay him a large amount of money. He was unemployed for most of the marriage.

Oh boy, get him working and functional first before you file or let him know your intent. Being a breadwinner mom is the absolute worst position to be in in divorce. Sadly I know.

A breadwinner dad is actually the worst. And the moms usually get the kids.

No, they don't. It is usually 50/50.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are your children, OP?

Teenagers, both in HS

I honestly might wait until they are done with high school unless he makes another threat. However, you pay him more the longer you stay. If you are at 20 years in VA, lifetime alimony can happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On your deathbed, will you be able to look back at your life and say you were happy? I read that a lot of people on their deathbeds wished they had allowed themselves to be happy. Only they know why they didn’t let themselves.

I will have to pay him a large amount of money. He was unemployed for most of the marriage.

Oh boy, get him working and functional first before you file or let him know your intent. Being a breadwinner mom is the absolute worst position to be in in divorce. Sadly I know.

A breadwinner dad is actually the worst. And the moms usually get the kids.

No, they don't. It is usually 50/50.

Women are just experiencing what men have always experienced.

[Anonymous]

Divorce now. If you are listening to Dr Ramani then you know the marriage is over. You deserve more than abuse!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On your deathbed, will you be able to look back at your life and say you were happy? I read that a lot of people on their deathbeds wished they had allowed themselves to be happy. Only they know why they didn’t let themselves.

I will have to pay him a large amount of money. He was unemployed for most of the marriage.

Oh boy, get him working and functional first before you file or let him know your intent. Being a breadwinner mom is the absolute worst position to be in in divorce. Sadly I know.

A breadwinner dad is actually the worst. And the moms usually get the kids.

No, they don't. It is usually 50/50.

Women are just experiencing what men have always experienced.

Fair, but men don't usually have to worry about being killed if they leave.

[Anonymous]

Sunk cost fallacy. You deserve to be happy and not living in fear. Set yourself free from his shackles. He’s dragging you down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH has been awful - terrorizing me for months, lots of emotional and verbal abuse. I have a therapist, and every online source, including Dr Ramani would point to the fact that this marriage is over. Yet I feel horrible ending a marriage of 20 years. I am very conflicted.

If you want to give it a last try so you don't end up regretting giving up without a good fight, attend marriage counseling with him for six months. If he isn't willing to go and fight for a better marriage then there isn't much you can do.

I didn’t know how. He’s been so awful, I don’t want to speak with him or look at him. When I hear his voice on the phone (he’s been away for a new job for 2 weeks), I feel like I have PTSD. He repeatedly told me to die/go to my grave/he’ll ship off my coffin etc. I had to go to a hotel because it was so bad for a few days.

OP dont listen to the crazy posters who suggest waiting 6 more months, doing counseling and so on. That’s ok when a couple has issues and are willing to try to work together to solve them. You say your husband has been “terrorizing you for months” with lots of verbal and emotional abuse. This is something you need to protect yourself from. If yiur husband physically beat you up every day for months, would people suggest staying six more months and doing therapy? Verbal and emotional abuse is as hurtful and damaging as physical abuse. By killing your self estime and self respect, your husband manages to keep you chained to the marriage, which is convenient for his as you are his financial support. If you can make sure if has a job, you should leave immediately and rebuild your life, even if it cost you financially. Ince you are out of that nightmare, you will feel reborn