Divorce - yes or no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In most marriages, one person has to pay to get rid of their other from their daily lives. That is the reality of divorce. It often isn't a financially equal marriage and so one is on the line.

If the abuse is bad, why put up with it to save money? If you have been married for 20 years it is family money, not your money anyways and considering it your money is often seen as financial abuse itself.

Leave, get to a safe place. Get your supports and resources in place and you can do the legal part then.

You only have one life. Being safe and away from the abuse should be a much bigger priority for you than it seems it is. Do you have kids?

It’s financial abuse to exploit others for financial gain and not fulfill your own adult financial obligations, including toward your own children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re getting lots of hood advice here but you really need to talk to a lawyer about all the financial implications.

I already did. It will cost me.

Well you’re clearly prioritizing the money over your emotional well being. So enjoy.

[Anonymous]

My ex-wife is a nasty, nasty narcissist but the scary thing is she looks a lot like Dr. Ramini, only fatter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In most marriages, one person has to pay to get rid of their other from their daily lives. That is the reality of divorce. It often isn't a financially equal marriage and so one is on the line.

If the abuse is bad, why put up with it to save money? If you have been married for 20 years it is family money, not your money anyways and considering it your money is often seen as financial abuse itself.

Leave, get to a safe place. Get your supports and resources in place and you can do the legal part then.

You only have one life. Being safe and away from the abuse should be a much bigger priority for you than it seems it is. Do you have kids?

How lovely to call an abused person the abuser. Keep up the gaslighting, I guess?

[Anonymous]

Just because you have invested twenty yrs. w/this man does not obligate you to invest any more.

Your marriage sounds very hellish now & I see no reason for you to remain married to someone who blatantly abuses you.

Get out now and proceed -> to living your best life soon. ❤️

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH has been awful - terrorizing me for months, lots of emotional and verbal abuse. I have a therapist, and every online source, including Dr Ramani would point to the fact that this marriage is over. Yet I feel horrible ending a marriage of 20 years. I am very conflicted.

If you want to give it a last try so you don't end up regretting giving up without a good fight, attend marriage counseling with him for six months. If he isn't willing to go and fight for a better marriage then there isn't much you can do.

I didn’t know how. He’s been so awful, I don’t want to speak with him or look at him. When I hear his voice on the phone (he’s been away for a new job for 2 weeks), I feel like I have PTSD. He repeatedly told me to die/go to my grave/he’ll ship off my coffin etc. I had to go to a hotel because it was so bad for a few days.

He sounds borderline or narcissistic. I’m sorry. You should be need to live like this.

I actually have 2 therapists - one thinks he is NPD, the other thinks he is ASPD. Either way, it’s not good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH has been awful - terrorizing me for months, lots of emotional and verbal abuse. I have a therapist, and every online source, including Dr Ramani would point to the fact that this marriage is over. Yet I feel horrible ending a marriage of 20 years. I am very conflicted.

If you want to give it a last try so you don't end up regretting giving up without a good fight, attend marriage counseling with him for six months. If he isn't willing to go and fight for a better marriage then there isn't much you can do.

I didn’t know how. He’s been so awful, I don’t want to speak with him or look at him. When I hear his voice on the phone (he’s been away for a new job for 2 weeks), I feel like I have PTSD. He repeatedly told me to die/go to my grave/he’ll ship off my coffin etc. I had to go to a hotel because it was so bad for a few days.

Why are you speaking to him on the phone?

He's away for two weeks? Go hire a lawyer and figure out the long game. Get a therapist for yourself and figure out how to keep your sanity while going through this.

[Anonymous]

I would be money he is cheating. Go hire a private detective in the area he is at for “work”. It maybe the best money spent. You will can file for fault and may effect his assets are split depending on the state.
If he is cheating, you need to also go through all financial records as you can ask for any affair money he spent back.
Call a lawyer tomorrow morning, please.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex-wife is a nasty, nasty narcissist but the scary thing is she looks a lot like Dr. Ramini, only fatter.

You’re a peach.

[Anonymous]

Why should you feel terrible when he's enjoying terrorizing you? Get out of that mess.

[Anonymous]

You’d kids are bearing witness to this horror? That’s not okay. Leave for them, if you can’t do it for yourself. Otherwise, they are actual for being abused/the abuser in their own relationships, or for never coming home again once launched.

[Anonymous]

^at risk for

[Anonymous]

Yes

[Anonymous]

Absolutely divorce.
Go see a few lawyers.
Do NOT go to therapy with him; he is an abuser. This is contraindicated.
Freedom from fear, living a peaceful life, these things are priceless.
You will be showing your teens that you will not tolerate abuse from anyone. Marriage vows do not mean you stay with an abuser.

[Anonymous]

I would have been out of there long ago. The faster you get your half of the money, the faster it can start growing for you.
You can buy a next home or growth stock that goes up in value for you.
My ex abused me. I was low wage earner, because I worked around his schedule without needing a nanny. I got out, invested in known growth stock that went 10x.