Mingling funds and prenup

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If there are multiple siblings, are they all paying $15,000. That seems outrageous for taxes. If that is what the taxes are, this property must be worth millions. Nope, not going to be using marital assets for something that you have no claim to.

OP said “and maintenance.” It probably need a roof, a deck, etc.

[Anonymous]

Do a postnup that gives you a share in the house. If you divorce, you get paid back whatever went into this house before any subsequent division of marital assets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh hell no.

If the trust is gone, then the cabin is just a money pit.

Right now any money your husband spends on his nostalgia is stealing from your children’s future AND yours.

Unless your retirement account is fully funded, your children’s college fund is maxed out, your house and cars are fully paid off, you are not in a position to give your in-laws thousands of dollars of marital money. And make no mistake, that is exactly what this is. A gift of thousands of dollars to your in-laws at the expense of your children.

I would divorce over this.

I never understood how the divorce rate in the US could possibly be 50% until I started reading DCUM and realized how casually so many women view divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh hell no.

If the trust is gone, then the cabin is just a money pit.

Right now any money your husband spends on his nostalgia is stealing from your children’s future AND yours.

Unless your retirement account is fully funded, your children’s college fund is maxed out, your house and cars are fully paid off, you are not in a position to give your in-laws thousands of dollars of marital money. And make no mistake, that is exactly what this is. A gift of thousands of dollars to your in-laws at the expense of your children.

I would divorce over this.

I never understood how the divorce rate in the US could possibly be 50% until I started reading DCUM and realized how casually so many women view divorce.

But not how casually men view indentured servitude?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband's family has a cabin in a cold weather locale which has been their nirvana for generations. They asked me to sign a prenuptial agreement so I have no claim on it in a divorce, which I did.

It is held in a trust which also has a bank account which had been funded by ILs. My husband and siblings are trust beneficiaries.

The trust cash has run out and they will need to find funds for property taxes and repairs.

Here is my question - do I push back against my husband using our family money to maintain this cabin I have no claim over?

They wont want to sell. His siblings adore the place and spend summers there. My husband visits a lot. It is a key part of their identities. I haven't been since the kids got busy at home in the summers.

It is too run down to be rented out for revenue.

We have impending college tuitions and no extra cash. It will be at least $15K just for taxes and basics, more if there are major repairs.

Assuming you and your DH are happily married, I would not approach this from the point of view of "prenup and comingling funds," but rather as "does it make sense for your family." Based on the fact that you signed a prenup, I assume you can afford $15k (or is it less because he is splitting it across his siblings) to make your husband happy. If so, sit down with your husband and talk about it. I would not bring up the prenup (but then again, I am happily married, with a successful career of my own).

Good luck!

The prenup was for the house and the related trust is now broke. Why would you assume they have the money? OP already said it is a hardship.

If the family is having a hardship, they sell the property.

It's not clear if it's really a hardship or if OP is just grumpy about the prenup and her DH going there to spend time with his family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband's family has a cabin in a cold weather locale which has been their nirvana for generations. They asked me to sign a prenuptial agreement so I have no claim on it in a divorce, which I did.

It is held in a trust which also has a bank account which had been funded by ILs. My husband and siblings are trust beneficiaries.

The trust cash has run out and they will need to find funds for property taxes and repairs.

Here is my question - do I push back against my husband using our family money to maintain this cabin I have no claim over?

They wont want to sell. His siblings adore the place and spend summers there. My husband visits a lot. It is a key part of their identities. I haven't been since the kids got busy at home in the summers.

It is too run down to be rented out for revenue.

We have impending college tuitions and no extra cash. It will be at least $15K just for taxes and basics, more if there are major repairs.

Assuming you and your DH are happily married, I would not approach this from the point of view of "prenup and comingling funds," but rather as "does it make sense for your family." Based on the fact that you signed a prenup, I assume you can afford $15k (or is it less because he is splitting it across his siblings) to make your husband happy. If so, sit down with your husband and talk about it. I would not bring up the prenup (but then again, I am happily married, with a successful career of my own).

Good luck!

The prenup was for the house and the related trust is now broke. Why would you assume they have the money? OP already said it is a hardship.

If the family is having a hardship, they sell the property.

It's not clear if it's really a hardship or if OP is just grumpy about the prenup and her DH going there to spend time with his family.

When OP signed the prenup, it said nothing about spending $15k a year in marital funds to maintain. Total bait and switch. If that were included in the prenup, I doubt she would have signed. As it is, she would have benefited from her own lawyer at the time who would have thought of more contingencies. There are lawyers whose entire jobs are to think of all the “what ifs.”

[Anonymous]

The postnup advice that a PP gave above is the best option IF OP is willing to spend $15k now when they need to be saving for college and retirement. But at least a postnup (or some sort of contract instrument directly with the in-laws) will send a clear message to to this family that their insistence of a prenup has consequences.

[Anonymous]

Here’s one.A spouse uses joint earnings to buy out cousins interest from the family beach house at a most excellent price then gifts them cash for years afterward out of goodness of heart and generosity.

[Anonymous]

You both sound terrible.

[Anonymous]

You are being betrayed. File for divorce.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am interested to hear how this turns out. I hope you will update!

[Anonymous]

OP here. I will update once this start to move forward. They are working on figuring out the finances which depends on getting quotes for very costly repairs and will need to wait for the snow to melt.

I plan on pushing for postnup or adding me to the trust. The siblings will fuss so it will be fun. Not.