Mingling funds and prenup
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Anonymous
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My husband's family has a cabin in a cold weather locale which has been their nirvana for generations. They asked me to sign a prenuptial agreement so I have no claim on it in a divorce, which I did.
It is held in a trust which also has a bank account which had been funded by ILs. My husband and siblings are trust beneficiaries. The trust cash has run out and they will need to find funds for property taxes and repairs. Here is my question - do I push back against my husband using our family money to maintain this cabin I have no claim over? They wont want to sell. His siblings adore the place and spend summers there. My husband visits a lot. It is a key part of their identities. I haven't been since the kids got busy at home in the summers. It is too run down to be rented out for revenue. We have impending college tuitions and no extra cash. It will be at least $15K just for taxes and basics, more if there are major repairs. |
Anonymous
| Placing your identity in a run down cabin sounds like a problem. It also sounds like it’s becoming a money pit. You and he need to sit down and figure out if it’s worth it. |
Anonymous
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Your pre-nup should have identified a source of non-marital income from your husband to sustain/contribute to this cabin. I’m guessing it did not?
The other way to look at it is that it could benefit your children if it stays in the family and they may end up owning part of it down the road. You could negotiate that, if your husband gets to siphon $15,000 off of “non-marital” marital money to support the cabin then you also get the same amount to do with as you please that would be considered separate property in the event of a divorce. Probably would need a post-nup to specify this. |
Anonymous
All of this. I’m guessing OP didn’t get her own lawyer when she signed the prenup. I would not let his marital income go towards this cabin. If he has a separate trust fund or something, he can use that. Otherwise too bad so sad unless he wants to amend the deal. |
Anonymous
| Oh and if he spends marital money anyway (money derived from his paycheck) then keep all records and receipts in case you later need to prove that he did this. |
Anonymous
| He needs to use his money only on this project. Not shared account or shared assets. |
Anonymous
That would have to be assets from before he was married. His current income is marital property. |
Anonymous
| Get a lawyer and paper trail this situation regardless of what you choose to do. |
Anonymous
Exactly if she has no claim to the cabin she should NOT have to pay for repairs on it. |
Anonymous
| FWIW. I would never sign a prenup that my in laws asked me to sign. I would never ask my kids spouses to sign one (and we have significant assets) |
Anonymous
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Great advice.
The trust was supposed to have enough funds to be self sustaining, but unexpected expenses ate it away. It they need joint funds, then I need to be treated as a beneficiary of the trust. This is a fight I don't want and it will be ugly. For now I guess I will just.point out that using joint money voids the prenup and see how they react. |
Anonymous
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It’s interesting how many people on DCUM have this same issue. I wouldn’t have thought this situation would be that common.
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Anonymous
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You might want to move to the money or relationship forum.
If you point out it voids the prenup and they were to say “oh well, I guess that’s what it will take” then you’re still stuck with paying marital funds that it sounds like you can’t really afford. Could you start with that conversation with your husband? Our family sold our multigenerational home 4 years ago and it was painful but financially necessary. |
Anonymous
| I would not tolerate that, no. He has to use pre-marital assets, period. Posters on here don't understand that anything he has earned since getting married is marital--there is no "his" and "yours." Even if you have separate accounts and call it that. Only assets he brought in are his. No way he can use marital assets for this. You need a post-nup for this one. Having married into very very wealthy family who has similar issues, this stuff never goes away. You're an outside for life, watching your husband live a care-free life and knowing you'll have financial security in retirement only if you stay married or make so much that half of your marital assets are enough to retire on. It's a lonely, painful way to live a married life. |
Anonymous
My inlaws said the same thing. It all sounds so generous and fair, and "welcome to the family." Then when my husband was at the age to take over his trust, guess what. It was in a trust in his name only, where almost every penny of it has stayed for the last 20 years. H e made clear recently I will never see a dime of it. He's saving if for our kids. Even though we decided early on that my salary, since it's not tied up in the market, would be used to pay all our expenses, so he could let his assets sit and gain without taking on taxes. Then 20 years later he changed his mind, after no working for 13 of those 20 years. Get a post-nup OP. If I had to do it over again, I would have. Now I have a choice to continue being his indentured servant or be broke. |