Concerned over DD sneaking food at relatives’ houses

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP again. I really do appreciate all of the perspectives here because it’s a very difficult topic and the last thing I want to do is drive her toward an eating disorder. The overall problem is that my daughter has too much access to junk food and there isn’t much I can do about it if I don’t try to steer her toward healthy choices at least some of the time. While we prepare healthy choices at home for breakfast/dinner during the week most of the time, she goes to my parents’ or siblings’ houses probably twice per week after school/weekends and also regularly goes to friends’ houses where they seem to all eat a ton of junk regularly.

I used yesterday as a test and said nothing to DD all day and let her eat what she wanted. DD slept over at her friend’s house Monday night and had donuts for breakfast (DD told me). We later went to my sibling’s house where they ordered in lunch and DD chose chicken fingers and fries. Carrot sticks and apples were served and DD ate one carrot stick and no apples. We went out for an early dinner and DD chose a cheeseburger and fries, with an ice cream sundae for dessert (and ate all of it, plus a half a slice of her cousin’s pizza). Today we went to a friend’s house for a NY brunch/party and DD had several cookies and other treats, plus pizza.

I would not be concerned if this was just a rare occasion during the holidays, but again it’s not. We eat out a decent amount with family or DD is with friends and what she eats is out of my control.

So do I really just say nothing and let her make her own decisions?

As I said before upthread…you are eating out too much. You need to fix this. Normal people of normal weight do not eat out twice a day. Maybe once a week.

[Anonymous]

Is she also showing signs of ADHD or autism? Very common

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP again. I really do appreciate all of the perspectives here because it’s a very difficult topic and the last thing I want to do is drive her toward an eating disorder. The overall problem is that my daughter has too much access to junk food and there isn’t much I can do about it if I don’t try to steer her toward healthy choices at least some of the time. While we prepare healthy choices at home for breakfast/dinner during the week most of the time, she goes to my parents’ or siblings’ houses probably twice per week after school/weekends and also regularly goes to friends’ houses where they seem to all eat a ton of junk regularly.

I used yesterday as a test and said nothing to DD all day and let her eat what she wanted. DD slept over at her friend’s house Monday night and had donuts for breakfast (DD told me). We later went to my sibling’s house where they ordered in lunch and DD chose chicken fingers and fries. Carrot sticks and apples were served and DD ate one carrot stick and no apples. We went out for an early dinner and DD chose a cheeseburger and fries, with an ice cream sundae for dessert (and ate all of it, plus a half a slice of her cousin’s pizza). Today we went to a friend’s house for a NY brunch/party and DD had several cookies and other treats, plus pizza.

I would not be concerned if this was just a rare occasion during the holidays, but again it’s not. We eat out a decent amount with family or DD is with friends and what she eats is out of my control.

So do I really just say nothing and let her make her own decisions?

As I said before upthread…you are eating out too much. You need to fix this. Normal people of normal weight do not eat out twice a day. Maybe once a week.

Yes I don’t disagree, but it will be really hard to change that unless we don’t see family/friends as often. We go out to dinner with my parents and sibling’s family once per week (usually Friday or Sunday night), and my DD usually does a sleepover/play date with a friend once per week and we usually order in pizza or if at the friend’s and they order in/go to a diner, etc. I don’t know a single family that cooks a healthy dinner when the kids sleep over/hang out - many of DD’s friends parents always take them to Starbucks, for ice cream, etc. So it’s really hard to control what other people do unless I don’t let DD hang with her friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is she also showing signs of ADHD or autism? Very common

No, not at all

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP again. I really do appreciate all of the perspectives here because it’s a very difficult topic and the last thing I want to do is drive her toward an eating disorder. The overall problem is that my daughter has too much access to junk food and there isn’t much I can do about it if I don’t try to steer her toward healthy choices at least some of the time. While we prepare healthy choices at home for breakfast/dinner during the week most of the time, she goes to my parents’ or siblings’ houses probably twice per week after school/weekends and also regularly goes to friends’ houses where they seem to all eat a ton of junk regularly.

I used yesterday as a test and said nothing to DD all day and let her eat what she wanted. DD slept over at her friend’s house Monday night and had donuts for breakfast (DD told me). We later went to my sibling’s house where they ordered in lunch and DD chose chicken fingers and fries. Carrot sticks and apples were served and DD ate one carrot stick and no apples. We went out for an early dinner and DD chose a cheeseburger and fries, with an ice cream sundae for dessert (and ate all of it, plus a half a slice of her cousin’s pizza). Today we went to a friend’s house for a NY brunch/party and DD had several cookies and other treats, plus pizza.

I would not be concerned if this was just a rare occasion during the holidays, but again it’s not. We eat out a decent amount with family or DD is with friends and what she eats is out of my control.

So do I really just say nothing and let her make her own decisions?

So basically you put no healthy food in front of your kid and she ate junk all day? and you’re surprised? wtf. she’s a child and still depends on you to cook and serve the meals. Stop eating out or if you do eat out, just tell her matter of factly what to order.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is she also showing signs of ADHD or autism? Very common

I guess 100% of kids are autistic because they’d pretty much all choose chicken fingers given the chance!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP again. I really do appreciate all of the perspectives here because it’s a very difficult topic and the last thing I want to do is drive her toward an eating disorder. The overall problem is that my daughter has too much access to junk food and there isn’t much I can do about it if I don’t try to steer her toward healthy choices at least some of the time. While we prepare healthy choices at home for breakfast/dinner during the week most of the time, she goes to my parents’ or siblings’ houses probably twice per week after school/weekends and also regularly goes to friends’ houses where they seem to all eat a ton of junk regularly.

I used yesterday as a test and said nothing to DD all day and let her eat what she wanted. DD slept over at her friend’s house Monday night and had donuts for breakfast (DD told me). We later went to my sibling’s house where they ordered in lunch and DD chose chicken fingers and fries. Carrot sticks and apples were served and DD ate one carrot stick and no apples. We went out for an early dinner and DD chose a cheeseburger and fries, with an ice cream sundae for dessert (and ate all of it, plus a half a slice of her cousin’s pizza). Today we went to a friend’s house for a NY brunch/party and DD had several cookies and other treats, plus pizza.

I would not be concerned if this was just a rare occasion during the holidays, but again it’s not. We eat out a decent amount with family or DD is with friends and what she eats is out of my control.

So do I really just say nothing and let her make her own decisions?

As I said before upthread…you are eating out too much. You need to fix this. Normal people of normal weight do not eat out twice a day. Maybe once a week.

Yes I don’t disagree, but it will be really hard to change that unless we don’t see family/friends as often. We go out to dinner with my parents and sibling’s family once per week (usually Friday or Sunday night), and my DD usually does a sleepover/play date with a friend once per week and we usually order in pizza or if at the friend’s and they order in/go to a diner, etc. I don’t know a single family that cooks a healthy dinner when the kids sleep over/hang out - many of DD’s friends parents always take them to Starbucks, for ice cream, etc. So it’s really hard to control what other people do unless I don’t let DD hang with her friends.

you’re expecting more self control out of your kid than adults have. The problem is eating out. You can host some of the sleep overs and make a healthy meal. You can have your family do pot lucks instead of eating out. You can tell her that the whole family is going to skip fries eating out and make sure she orders a veggie. you can say no dessert when you go out.

I have a regular place I take my kid to for dinner we just … don’t get fries or dessert. We get pasta and sauteed veggies.

[Anonymous]

OP you need a reframe.
HELP not FIX
LEARN not REACT

You need to understand what is happening with your daughter. She could have any number or combination of physical or mental health issues going on. Talk to the pediatrician. See a pediatric endo. Ask about therapy.

This thread is full of people telling you to DO THIS or DO THAT, but no one, including you, knows what’s going on with your daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP again. I really do appreciate all of the perspectives here because it’s a very difficult topic and the last thing I want to do is drive her toward an eating disorder. The overall problem is that my daughter has too much access to junk food and there isn’t much I can do about it if I don’t try to steer her toward healthy choices at least some of the time. While we prepare healthy choices at home for breakfast/dinner during the week most of the time, she goes to my parents’ or siblings’ houses probably twice per week after school/weekends and also regularly goes to friends’ houses where they seem to all eat a ton of junk regularly.

I used yesterday as a test and said nothing to DD all day and let her eat what she wanted. DD slept over at her friend’s house Monday night and had donuts for breakfast (DD told me). We later went to my sibling’s house where they ordered in lunch and DD chose chicken fingers and fries. Carrot sticks and apples were served and DD ate one carrot stick and no apples. We went out for an early dinner and DD chose a cheeseburger and fries, with an ice cream sundae for dessert (and ate all of it, plus a half a slice of her cousin’s pizza). Today we went to a friend’s house for a NY brunch/party and DD had several cookies and other treats, plus pizza.

I would not be concerned if this was just a rare occasion during the holidays, but again it’s not. We eat out a decent amount with family or DD is with friends and what she eats is out of my control.

So do I really just say nothing and let her make her own decisions?

As I said before upthread…you are eating out too much. You need to fix this. Normal people of normal weight do not eat out twice a day. Maybe once a week.

Yes I don’t disagree, but it will be really hard to change that unless we don’t see family/friends as often. We go out to dinner with my parents and sibling’s family once per week (usually Friday or Sunday night), and my DD usually does a sleepover/play date with a friend once per week and we usually order in pizza or if at the friend’s and they order in/go to a diner, etc. I don’t know a single family that cooks a healthy dinner when the kids sleep over/hang out - many of DD’s friends parents always take them to Starbucks, for ice cream, etc. So it’s really hard to control what other people do unless I don’t let DD hang with her friends.

You are going to have to change this/move the dynamic to not surround food. Meet your family for a hike. Take a healthy picnic to a park. Cook at home for each other on a rotating basis.

And a weekly sleepover is way too much too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP again. I really do appreciate all of the perspectives here because it’s a very difficult topic and the last thing I want to do is drive her toward an eating disorder. The overall problem is that my daughter has too much access to junk food and there isn’t much I can do about it if I don’t try to steer her toward healthy choices at least some of the time. While we prepare healthy choices at home for breakfast/dinner during the week most of the time, she goes to my parents’ or siblings’ houses probably twice per week after school/weekends and also regularly goes to friends’ houses where they seem to all eat a ton of junk regularly.

I used yesterday as a test and said nothing to DD all day and let her eat what she wanted. DD slept over at her friend’s house Monday night and had donuts for breakfast (DD told me). We later went to my sibling’s house where they ordered in lunch and DD chose chicken fingers and fries. Carrot sticks and apples were served and DD ate one carrot stick and no apples. We went out for an early dinner and DD chose a cheeseburger and fries, with an ice cream sundae for dessert (and ate all of it, plus a half a slice of her cousin’s pizza). Today we went to a friend’s house for a NY brunch/party and DD had several cookies and other treats, plus pizza.

I would not be concerned if this was just a rare occasion during the holidays, but again it’s not. We eat out a decent amount with family or DD is with friends and what she eats is out of my control.

So do I really just say nothing and let her make her own decisions?

As I said before upthread…you are eating out too much. You need to fix this. Normal people of normal weight do not eat out twice a day. Maybe once a week.

Yes I don’t disagree, but it will be really hard to change that unless we don’t see family/friends as often. We go out to dinner with my parents and sibling’s family once per week (usually Friday or Sunday night), and my DD usually does a sleepover/play date with a friend once per week and we usually order in pizza or if at the friend’s and they order in/go to a diner, etc. I don’t know a single family that cooks a healthy dinner when the kids sleep over/hang out - many of DD’s friends parents always take them to Starbucks, for ice cream, etc. So it’s really hard to control what other people do unless I don’t let DD hang with her friends.

You are going to have to change this/move the dynamic to not surround food. Meet your family for a hike. Take a healthy picnic to a park. Cook at home for each other on a rotating basis.

And a weekly sleepover is way too much too.

Sorry, by “food” I meant eating unhealthy food out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you need a reframe.
HELP not FIX
LEARN not REACT

You need to understand what is happening with your daughter. She could have any number or combination of physical or mental health issues going on. Talk to the pediatrician. See a pediatric endo. Ask about therapy.

This thread is full of people telling you to DO THIS or DO THAT, but no one, including you, knows what’s going on with your daughter.

It doesn’t seem like a mystery, the kid is eating fatty fried foods for most of her meals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you need a reframe.
HELP not FIX
LEARN not REACT

You need to understand what is happening with your daughter. She could have any number or combination of physical or mental health issues going on. Talk to the pediatrician. See a pediatric endo. Ask about therapy.

This thread is full of people telling you to DO THIS or DO THAT, but no one, including you, knows what’s going on with your daughter.

OP is taking her kid to restaurants or getting takeout 3x/week and the answer is … the kid has mental health issues? wut?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP again. I really do appreciate all of the perspectives here because it’s a very difficult topic and the last thing I want to do is drive her toward an eating disorder. The overall problem is that my daughter has too much access to junk food and there isn’t much I can do about it if I don’t try to steer her toward healthy choices at least some of the time. While we prepare healthy choices at home for breakfast/dinner during the week most of the time, she goes to my parents’ or siblings’ houses probably twice per week after school/weekends and also regularly goes to friends’ houses where they seem to all eat a ton of junk regularly.

I used yesterday as a test and said nothing to DD all day and let her eat what she wanted. DD slept over at her friend’s house Monday night and had donuts for breakfast (DD told me). We later went to my sibling’s house where they ordered in lunch and DD chose chicken fingers and fries. Carrot sticks and apples were served and DD ate one carrot stick and no apples. We went out for an early dinner and DD chose a cheeseburger and fries, with an ice cream sundae for dessert (and ate all of it, plus a half a slice of her cousin’s pizza). Today we went to a friend’s house for a NY brunch/party and DD had several cookies and other treats, plus pizza.

I would not be concerned if this was just a rare occasion during the holidays, but again it’s not. We eat out a decent amount with family or DD is with friends and what she eats is out of my control.

So do I really just say nothing and let her make her own decisions?

As I said before upthread…you are eating out too much. You need to fix this. Normal people of normal weight do not eat out twice a day. Maybe once a week.

Yes I don’t disagree, but it will be really hard to change that unless we don’t see family/friends as often. We go out to dinner with my parents and sibling’s family once per week (usually Friday or Sunday night), and my DD usually does a sleepover/play date with a friend once per week and we usually order in pizza or if at the friend’s and they order in/go to a diner, etc. I don’t know a single family that cooks a healthy dinner when the kids sleep over/hang out - many of DD’s friends parents always take them to Starbucks, for ice cream, etc. So it’s really hard to control what other people do unless I don’t let DD hang with her friends.

you’re expecting more self control out of your kid than adults have. The problem is eating out. You can host some of the sleep overs and make a healthy meal. You can have your family do pot lucks instead of eating out. You can tell her that the whole family is going to skip fries eating out and make sure she orders a veggie. you can say no dessert when you go out.

I have a regular place I take my kid to for dinner we just … don’t get fries or dessert. We get pasta and sauteed veggies.

Sautéed veggies are often swimming in butter. Eating out is not healthy even making mildly healthier choices.

[Anonymous]

I think sneaking treats at that age is very normal. My nieces all went through a phase like that for a few years, and my siblings and I all did as well; it seemed like eventually everyone chilled out. My niece who is 12 was just here and had a ton of candy wrappers in the room she stayed in (and she often made loops through the kitchen to grab a cookie). No one had or has eating disorders. It's like around the late tween years they realize they have the power to get yummy things for themselves, but obviously understand parents aren't going to approve of it.

Anyway, I wouldn't worry about it unless there are other signs she had an eating disorder. It would be good to talk to her about the idea that at other people's homes, she needs to respect rules and not take things without asking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP again. I really do appreciate all of the perspectives here because it’s a very difficult topic and the last thing I want to do is drive her toward an eating disorder. The overall problem is that my daughter has too much access to junk food and there isn’t much I can do about it if I don’t try to steer her toward healthy choices at least some of the time. While we prepare healthy choices at home for breakfast/dinner during the week most of the time, she goes to my parents’ or siblings’ houses probably twice per week after school/weekends and also regularly goes to friends’ houses where they seem to all eat a ton of junk regularly.

I used yesterday as a test and said nothing to DD all day and let her eat what she wanted. DD slept over at her friend’s house Monday night and had donuts for breakfast (DD told me). We later went to my sibling’s house where they ordered in lunch and DD chose chicken fingers and fries. Carrot sticks and apples were served and DD ate one carrot stick and no apples. We went out for an early dinner and DD chose a cheeseburger and fries, with an ice cream sundae for dessert (and ate all of it, plus a half a slice of her cousin’s pizza). Today we went to a friend’s house for a NY brunch/party and DD had several cookies and other treats, plus pizza.

I would not be concerned if this was just a rare occasion during the holidays, but again it’s not. We eat out a decent amount with family or DD is with friends and what she eats is out of my control.

So do I really just say nothing and let her make her own decisions?

As I said before upthread…you are eating out too much. You need to fix this. Normal people of normal weight do not eat out twice a day. Maybe once a week.

Yes I don’t disagree, but it will be really hard to change that unless we don’t see family/friends as often. We go out to dinner with my parents and sibling’s family once per week (usually Friday or Sunday night), and my DD usually does a sleepover/play date with a friend once per week and we usually order in pizza or if at the friend’s and they order in/go to a diner, etc. I don’t know a single family that cooks a healthy dinner when the kids sleep over/hang out - many of DD’s friends parents always take them to Starbucks, for ice cream, etc. So it’s really hard to control what other people do unless I don’t let DD hang with her friends.

you’re expecting more self control out of your kid than adults have. The problem is eating out. You can host some of the sleep overs and make a healthy meal. You can have your family do pot lucks instead of eating out. You can tell her that the whole family is going to skip fries eating out and make sure she orders a veggie. you can say no dessert when you go out.

I have a regular place I take my kid to for dinner we just … don’t get fries or dessert. We get pasta and sauteed veggies.

Sautéed veggies are often swimming in butter. Eating out is not healthy even making mildly healthier choices.

Sure, I can agree with that. But it’s a healthier choice for a weekly meal out and gets veggies into the kid. There are worse things than a little extra butter on the broccoli.