Concerned over DD sneaking food at relatives’ houses

[Anonymous]

Kids do this when there patents are overly controlling about food. Your family members calling you to report on this is weird.

[Anonymous]

You've called her out on sneaking things before and are surprised if she tries to hide a few candy wrappers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids do this when there patents are overly controlling about food. Your family members calling you to report on this is weird.

Of course it's not, you nutjob. They're family and the behaviour is concerning, they are going to tell the parents.

[Anonymous]

She has a minor bad habit. Adults do it too. Make sure she's eating enough, including fruit, and ask her to propose a dessert schedule/budget, as she is developing personal responsibility.

Don't load her up on junk food just because she has poor self control. No one needs a daily pile of candy to thrive.

[Anonymous]

If she does it away but not home, it's because she feels like she can't to get snacks freely when she's not home. Make sure reasonable snack food is available for her to take even if it's not an official serving time.

[Anonymous]

The lying and sneaking is a bigger long term issue than the candy. Talk to her not to punish her, but to figure why she feels the need to sneak food instead of asking or taking openly, and to make sure she knows that lies don't fool you, but do upset you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is she a heathy weight/BMI?

I don’t think you are causing it or rigid- I think you were just trying to accurately explain what her diet looks like, yes? Some kids are just prone to doing this. They can’t help it. If she doesn’t have a weight problem, I’d buy fewer things she is likely to feel compelled to binge on and just let her be, as with maturity this may stop on its own. If there is a weight problem developing, I’d talk to the pediatrician and possibly get a nutritionist or therapist involved.

Disordered eating often doesn’t present as a “weight problem.”

[Anonymous]

This is OP. Thanks for the responses so far. DD is borderline overweight and our pediatrician has told us we need to help her make healthy choices 80% of the time. But it’s obviously a fine line between encouraging her to eat healthy and not letting her always choose horrible foods every single meal. I really don’t think we are controlling and we rarely tell her she can’t have something, but if she wants chicken fingers or a cheeseburger and had fries the day before we will tell her to choose a different side for example, like fruit or a vegetable. We have plenty of healthy food in our house but also desserts and typical snack foods, and we regularly allow treats and all kinds of food, including pizza, pasta, Mac and cheese, etc. I am only explaining all of this for full context.

What bothers me here is that she is not simply eating a “treat” without permission, it’s that she is consuming an abnormally large amount of something (ie 2 big cupcakes, 20 pieces of Halloween candy) and feels the need to hide it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. Thanks for the responses so far. DD is borderline overweight and our pediatrician has told us we need to help her make healthy choices 80% of the time. But it’s obviously a fine line between encouraging her to eat healthy and not letting her always choose horrible foods every single meal. I really don’t think we are controlling and we rarely tell her she can’t have something, but if she wants chicken fingers or a cheeseburger and had fries the day before we will tell her to choose a different side for example, like fruit or a vegetable. We have plenty of healthy food in our house but also desserts and typical snack foods, and we regularly allow treats and all kinds of food, including pizza, pasta, Mac and cheese, etc. I am only explaining all of this for full context.

What bothers me here is that she is not simply eating a “treat” without permission, it’s that she is consuming an abnormally large amount of something (ie 2 big cupcakes, 20 pieces of Halloween candy) and feels the need to hide it.

She is an emotional closet eater. Please take her to a therapist experienced in eating disorders to help with some cognitive behavioral therapy. I say this as someone who had the same behavior in childhood and was a morbidly obese adult for decades before finding life changing CBT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. Thanks for the responses so far. DD is borderline overweight and our pediatrician has told us we need to help her make healthy choices 80% of the time. But it’s obviously a fine line between encouraging her to eat healthy and not letting her always choose horrible foods every single meal. I really don’t think we are controlling and we rarely tell her she can’t have something, but if she wants chicken fingers or a cheeseburger and had fries the day before we will tell her to choose a different side for example, like fruit or a vegetable. We have plenty of healthy food in our house but also desserts and typical snack foods, and we regularly allow treats and all kinds of food, including pizza, pasta, Mac and cheese, etc. I am only explaining all of this for full context.

What bothers me here is that she is not simply eating a “treat” without permission, it’s that she is consuming an abnormally large amount of something (ie 2 big cupcakes, 20 pieces of Halloween candy) and feels the need to hide it.

She is an emotional closet eater. Please take her to a therapist experienced in eating disorders to help with some cognitive behavioral therapy. I say this as someone who had the same behavior in childhood and was a morbidly obese adult for decades before finding life changing CBT.

This.
-Another emotional eater

Also, two pancakes and a couple toppings isn’t a treat. But, pancakes absolutely can be a treat if you eat them IHOP style by piling them high enough with tons of fixings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. Thanks for the responses so far. DD is borderline overweight and our pediatrician has told us we need to help her make healthy choices 80% of the time. But it’s obviously a fine line between encouraging her to eat healthy and not letting her always choose horrible foods every single meal. I really don’t think we are controlling and we rarely tell her she can’t have something, but if she wants chicken fingers or a cheeseburger and had fries the day before we will tell her to choose a different side for example, like fruit or a vegetable. We have plenty of healthy food in our house but also desserts and typical snack foods, and we regularly allow treats and all kinds of food, including pizza, pasta, Mac and cheese, etc. I am only explaining all of this for full context.

What bothers me here is that she is not simply eating a “treat” without permission, it’s that she is consuming an abnormally large amount of something (ie 2 big cupcakes, 20 pieces of Halloween candy) and feels the need to hide it.

I think that you are subtly setting this up by, for example, forcing the “healthy choice” in your example. Part of the issue is that you are presenting her with indulgent options then making her take the less desirable one…but really the option of having a fried restaurant meal two days in a row shouldn’t be a regular occurrence. To the extent it is (on vacation or whatever), forcing salad over fries is pushing her to sneak. That is a choice for dieters, not one a kid should be set up to make. It’s too much.

[Anonymous]

I did this. In fact, I am 43 and my mom brought up a candy wrapper indiscretion of mine when I was 5 at Thanksgiving this year. It stems from her own disordered eating and yes, I have struggled with food my whole life. You sound overly controlling with carbs/sweets.

[Anonymous]

Is she even overweight? You said borderline .. .

You need to back off and agree she shouldn't be having fast food two days in a row period if your family is so gosh darn healthy

[Anonymous]

If you think she is bingeing, why is she stressed out and anxious and how can you help her?

Calling her out is not going to increase trust, not going to decrease stress, and will increase shame.

Staying with family is not always fun for kids. If she feels judged on weight she is going to hide any food that triggers policing and negativity by family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. Thanks for the responses so far. DD is borderline overweight and our pediatrician has told us we need to help her make healthy choices 80% of the time. But it’s obviously a fine line between encouraging her to eat healthy and not letting her always choose horrible foods every single meal. I really don’t think we are controlling and we rarely tell her she can’t have something, but if she wants chicken fingers or a cheeseburger and had fries the day before we will tell her to choose a different side for example, like fruit or a vegetable. We have plenty of healthy food in our house but also desserts and typical snack foods, and we regularly allow treats and all kinds of food, including pizza, pasta, Mac and cheese, etc. I am only explaining all of this for full context.

What bothers me here is that she is not simply eating a “treat” without permission, it’s that she is consuming an abnormally large amount of something (ie 2 big cupcakes, 20 pieces of Halloween candy) and feels the need to hide it.

This is disordered eating. You are treating this like a behavior or weight problem. If your pediatrician doesn’t recognize that this is the beginning of an eating disorder, you need a new pediatrician. Your family and your daughter need to be in therapy.