Concerned over DD sneaking food at relatives’ houses

[Anonymous]

I grew up with a mom with major food control issues and I started sneaking sweets earlier than this. My sister developed bulimia. I am not blaming you OP but I will say between the two options I think I got off easy.

I’m interested in the people who have gotten therapy for emotional/binge eating. I have in the past brought this up with therapists but it was never a focus I guess. I have been mildly overweight my entire life largely because I also exercise a lot but in my 40 during a period of stress I have felt a big increase in the desire to binge. How did you pursue therapy for this and did it work? Did you seek out some one who specializes in eating disorders?

[Anonymous]

Every time this question is posted, women who have been fat for decades and cannot communicate like adults warm up their wrists and type the same “mommy’s fault” post no matter what the OP writes.

The CBT is a good idea for OP’s daughter, who will likely be okay and has a parent who cares about her. She didn’t cause this and she will help even things out for a growing child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD is 11 (in 5th grade) and there have been a few occasions over the past year and a half where she has snuck food at her grandparents or my siblings’ houses. While we try to encourage healthy eating my kids are definitely not deprived of anything and eat more treats than they should (ie they have dessert 4-5 days per week).

She just spent two nights at my parents’ house and my mom called me earlier to tell me she found two cupcake wrappers stuffed in a drawer and we are 99.9% sure it was DD who ate them. And that was on top of 2 days of non-stop treats at their house - pancakes for breakfast, going out for ice cream, etc.

Right after Halloween DD was at my brother’s house and they found a ton of candy wrappers in the bathroom trash wrapped in a paper towel, and again we think it was DD since the candy was hidden in the back of their pantry and the other kids are younger and would not have found it.

There have been a few other examples like this. I have confronted DD two of the times and she denied it was her repeatedly, so I don’t think it’s worth bringing up again but I am very concerned about the sneakiness.

Any thoughts on how to handle? How can I address it?

Yes. My thought is to stop obsessively monitoring her food consumption. You are going to infect her with your eating disorder if you have not already done so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every time this question is posted, women who have been fat for decades and cannot communicate like adults warm up their wrists and type the same “mommy’s fault” post no matter what the OP writes.

The CBT is a good idea for OP’s daughter, who will likely be okay and has a parent who cares about her. She didn’t cause this and she will help even things out for a growing child.

CBT for … eating candy? wut?

[Anonymous]

OP, you are clearly in a family obsessed with looks and searching through the garbage???!!!
Two bit cupcakes? Oh, my two cupcakes! I can eat three and I am 54 and not overweight!
I can eat that much candy as well!
It does not sound like your child is obese, it sounds like your whole family is on her back and controlling about food.

[Anonymous]

When one of my teen daughters did this I went to the store and stockpiled cookies and chips. Put them in the pantry and told her she could have as many as she wanted. The key was to not get many different varieties. 'You like Oreos? Okay, here are six packs of them!' Despite maintaining a normal weight (115-125 lbs at 5'6) for most of my life, I eat huge quantities. How can I get angry at DD? She is just the greedy daughter of a greedy mother. Genes are no joke.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every time this question is posted, women who have been fat for decades and cannot communicate like adults warm up their wrists and type the same “mommy’s fault” post no matter what the OP writes.

The CBT is a good idea for OP’s daughter, who will likely be okay and has a parent who cares about her. She didn’t cause this and she will help even things out for a growing child.

Agree. This threads always end up crazy. But it’s as simple as this. She is sneaking because she knows she shouldn’t be eating 20 pieces of candy or two cupcakes after she has already had dessert, or whatever. And she shouldn’t. And you would tell her no if she asked (for even more), which any good parent would do. Some kids just can’t do moderation with sweets. Many adults struggle with moderation too. Have a conversation with her about how sometimes eating too much of anything can be harmful to our health. She likely doesn’t understand this now. It’s taste good and she wants more and that is all she is thinking about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When one of my teen daughters did this I went to the store and stockpiled cookies and chips. Put them in the pantry and told her she could have as many as she wanted. The key was to not get many different varieties. 'You like Oreos? Okay, here are six packs of them!' Despite maintaining a normal weight (115-125 lbs at 5'6) for most of my life, I eat huge quantities. How can I get angry at DD? She is just the greedy daughter of a greedy mother. Genes are no joke.

Would you do this if your daughter was binging on junk food and also overweight?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every time this question is posted, women who have been fat for decades and cannot communicate like adults warm up their wrists and type the same “mommy’s fault” post no matter what the OP writes.

The CBT is a good idea for OP’s daughter, who will likely be okay and has a parent who cares about her. She didn’t cause this and she will help even things out for a growing child.

Agree. This threads always end up crazy. But it’s as simple as this. She is sneaking because she knows she shouldn’t be eating 20 pieces of candy or two cupcakes after she has already had dessert, or whatever. And she shouldn’t. And you would tell her no if she asked (for even more), which any good parent would do. Some kids just can’t do moderation with sweets. Many adults struggle with moderation too. Have a conversation with her about how sometimes eating too much of anything can be harmful to our health. She likely doesn’t understand this now. It’s taste good and she wants more and that is all she is thinking about.

I mean, this can all be true AND it can be the result of OP being controlling about food and weight AND OP’s catastrophic thinking and actions will only lead to the opposite desired result.

the fact is, it’s weird to get this upset over 2-3 incidences of a child sneaking sweets. This issue is overly charged for OP, and this kind of shaming reaction is exactly what many obese people describe as one root cause of their disordered eating.

I think OP needs to take a beat and go find a nutritionist to talk to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When one of my teen daughters did this I went to the store and stockpiled cookies and chips. Put them in the pantry and told her she could have as many as she wanted. The key was to not get many different varieties. 'You like Oreos? Okay, here are six packs of them!' Despite maintaining a normal weight (115-125 lbs at 5'6) for most of my life, I eat huge quantities. How can I get angry at DD? She is just the greedy daughter of a greedy mother. Genes are no joke.

Would you do this if your daughter was binging on junk food and also overweight?

DP. the daughter is not overweight. All I can tell you is that in my (large) family the only siblings with life long weight issues is the one that was targeted for shaming by my dad.

[Anonymous]

I'm just sad your daughter is not allowed to have fries with her hamburger and is told to eat a piece of fruit with her hamburger.

This seems like a very high level of food control in the household.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every time this question is posted, women who have been fat for decades and cannot communicate like adults warm up their wrists and type the same “mommy’s fault” post no matter what the OP writes.

The CBT is a good idea for OP’s daughter, who will likely be okay and has a parent who cares about her. She didn’t cause this and she will help even things out for a growing child.

Agree. This threads always end up crazy. But it’s as simple as this. She is sneaking because she knows she shouldn’t be eating 20 pieces of candy or two cupcakes after she has already had dessert, or whatever. And she shouldn’t. And you would tell her no if she asked (for even more), which any good parent would do. Some kids just can’t do moderation with sweets. Many adults struggle with moderation too. Have a conversation with her about how sometimes eating too much of anything can be harmful to our health. She likely doesn’t understand this now. It’s taste good and she wants more and that is all she is thinking about.

I mean, this can all be true AND it can be the result of OP being controlling about food and weight AND OP’s catastrophic thinking and actions will only lead to the opposite desired result.

the fact is, it’s weird to get this upset over 2-3 incidences of a child sneaking sweets. This issue is overly charged for OP, and this kind of shaming reaction is exactly what many obese people describe as one root cause of their disordered eating.

I think OP needs to take a beat and go find a nutritionist to talk to.

OP came here because this is happening with a concerning frequency. She only gave 2-3 incidences as examples for context. OP, you really cannot ask about this here. I’m sorry. People are just too triggered with their own baggage to help you. But you don’t seem controlling to me with what you’ve said and I’d be concerned too.

[Anonymous]

Same! My mom has disordered eating and controlled what I ate by making comments. Snacks were easily available to me so it was more her comments that were harmful. My weight was brought up by the pediatrician even though I was not really overweight. My mom enrolled me in weight watchers at a young age, maybe 5th or 6th grade. I was 5 feet tall and 114 pounds. She finally stopped saying "a minute on the lips, a year on the hips". She still says things like, "I never drink my calories".

Anonymous wrote:I did this. In fact, I am 43 and my mom brought up a candy wrapper indiscretion of mine when I was 5 at Thanksgiving this year. It stems from her own disordered eating and yes, I have struggled with food my whole life. You sound overly controlling with carbs/sweets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Same! My mom has disordered eating and controlled what I ate by making comments. Snacks were easily available to me so it was more her comments that were harmful. My weight was brought up by the pediatrician even though I was not really overweight. My mom enrolled me in weight watchers at a young age, maybe 5th or 6th grade. I was 5 feet tall and 114 pounds. She finally stopped saying "a minute on the lips, a year on the hips". She still says things like, "I never drink my calories".

Anonymous wrote:I did this. In fact, I am 43 and my mom brought up a candy wrapper indiscretion of mine when I was 5 at Thanksgiving this year. It stems from her own disordered eating and yes, I have struggled with food my whole life. You sound overly controlling with carbs/sweets.

Actually you were overweight. An 11 yr girl old that is 5 ft tall and 114 lbs is in 91st percentile for BMI, anything over 85th percentile is considered overweight. I’m not saying your mom handled things well or correctly, but to say she had zero reason for concern isn’t true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When one of my teen daughters did this I went to the store and stockpiled cookies and chips. Put them in the pantry and told her she could have as many as she wanted. The key was to not get many different varieties. 'You like Oreos? Okay, here are six packs of them!' Despite maintaining a normal weight (115-125 lbs at 5'6) for most of my life, I eat huge quantities. How can I get angry at DD? She is just the greedy daughter of a greedy mother. Genes are no joke.

Would you do this if your daughter was binging on junk food and also overweight?

After I have provided nutritional information, abundant access to healthy whole foods, and slight incentives, my job as the pragmatic parent of a teen is done. Only a dummy futilely tries to limit portions or ban more than one or two things. If my daughter, having a vegetarian mother who exercises daily and regularly rails against the addictive power of sugar and processed food items, were very overweight I would not modify my approach in the slightest. The answer is to make MORE FOOD AVAILABLE, not less, to the overeater, regardless of her size. My 13 yo DD, who is, in fact, much heavier than I was at her age, can have all the fries and hamburgers and desserts she wants AFTER she has had a glass of water and an apple and a bowl of raw spinach. All I can do is insist that something with some nutritional value also goes down the gullet.