Sister in her late 40s won’t date

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds a lot like my cousin who is in her late 30s and is perfectly happy. Travels, has a solid job and owns a townhouse, has friends, likes spending time with family. Seems perfectly happy without the drama of dating and marriage.

I find it interesting that people always say, “You never know what goes one inside someone else’s marriage.” The couple that looks perfect on the outside is oftentimes hiding skeletons, drama, abuse &c.

But no one ever questions the outwardly “perfect” single. It’s a given that appearances are apparently reality in these instances. I disagree with that. How would you ever know? Everybody has problems. Most people have an incentive to present the perfect ‘happy’ image in this society, married or not.

PLENTY of people question the singles. For example, the OP is questioning.

It’s not about the question but the answer to the questions. The current expectation (not 50 years ago) is that the singles’ answers that they’re happy should be taken uncritically at face value, but the ‘happy’ married people are more or less hiding their misery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds a lot like my cousin who is in her late 30s and is perfectly happy. Travels, has a solid job and owns a townhouse, has friends, likes spending time with family. Seems perfectly happy without the drama of dating and marriage.

I find it interesting that people always say, “You never know what goes one inside someone else’s marriage.” The couple that looks perfect on the outside is oftentimes hiding skeletons, drama, abuse &c.

But no one ever questions the outwardly “perfect” single. It’s a given that appearances are apparently reality in these instances. I disagree with that. How would you ever know? Everybody has problems. Most people have an incentive to present the perfect ‘happy’ image in this society, married or not.

PLENTY of people question the singles. For example, the OP is questioning.

It’s not about the question but the answer to the questions. The current expectation (not 50 years ago) is that the singles’ answers that they’re happy should be taken uncritically at face value, but the ‘happy’ married people are more or less hiding their misery.

What? It's the reverse, if anything. People assume the singles are secretly sad or jealous that they aren't paired up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know three women who are single in their 40s and 50s. Only one of them is trying to date. They actually all seem pretty happy. They have the money to do what they want, travel whenever they want, have lots of friends, etc.

While I’m glad to be married and have kids, their lifestyle also seems quite appealing. I think it is bizarre that you are so focused on this.

I do not think it is bizarre that OP is focused on this. She loves her sister and worries about her. That’s what loving sisters do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do know that in her 20s she had been pretty lazy about dating, even blowing off two guys who seemed nice and very interested in her at one point because she just couldn’t get herself together to follow through on meeting them.

When I was in my 20s, NOTHING would have stopped me from meeting up with "nice men who were interested in me." Not my social anxiety, not years of baggage from being treated like an ugly reject, not even the fact that I HAD a boyfriend--not a compatible one, but one nonetheless. My primary goal back then, other than basic things like staying alive and employed, was meeting the "right" man and getting married, and I would have done anything, no matter how awkward or energy draining, to make it happen.

If your sister were really interested in dating, she would have done something about it long ago.

Then again you and the sister aren't the same people and didn't have the same relationship she did. Something in that relationship changed her and I totally understand your sister OP.

Went through the same thing. I could not get myself together and I was too tight-knit with my family and my parents until they separated and then I felt like my mother relies on me. Your sister is too comfortable and she's not willing to step out of her comfort zone. She is lucky to have you her sister however because I have a brother and he's already married but she has you and you can go out with her and help her socialize and encourage her.

[Anonymous]

I could be a lot of these things - I find it really hard to meet men - it seems like the last time it was easy to meet people was college. I work, I volunteer, I go to book clubs and sports teams, church....and never met someone this way. Maybe she is having the same problem? you grow tired of trying/worrying about it and just have to live your life.