Sister in her late 40s won’t date

[Anonymous]

And? Why does she have to date? What's it to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So what? If something happened to DH or we got divorced, I would never date or marry again. I prefer my own company and making decisions all by myself. I can’t imagine small talk, dating and meeting some new guy’s parents.

Plus if she’s late 40s she’s limited to 40s men—likely divorced duds saddled with kids and ex-wives. Nope!

Me too, sister, me too. I am in a great marriage and there is absolutely no reason, gosh forbid if something happened, to saddle myself with some pathetic loser. And at my age, they are all pathetic losers. Simple logic of left overs.

[Anonymous]

I'm 63 and never-married by choice. Many suitors. I tell people I am never-divorced, and they get it.

Wonderful relationships in my 20s, 30s, 40s. But I like my own life the way I want it to be. I watch divorce after divorce. No thanks. Dating is fine and plentiful. I am friends /friendly with nearly all my ex's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men are more trouble than they are worth. I don't blame her.

The wrong ones are. My DH is great.

I am also of the opinion that most men are not worth the trouble. Glad you found one you think is great, but many of us are simply tired of being used in various ways by men. Overall, in my entire life, even after multiple long term relationships with kids, I have never been in a relationship where a man gave more to me than I to him.

I'm tired of that. I would rather pour my energy into me and family members and friends than weeding thru a big pile of sucky men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men are more trouble than they are worth. I don't blame her.

The wrong ones are. My DH is great.

I am also of the opinion that most men are not worth the trouble. Glad you found one you think is great, but many of us are simply tired of being used in various ways by men. Overall, in my entire life, even after multiple long term relationships with kids, I have never been in a relationship where a man gave more to me than I to him.

I'm tired of that. I would rather pour my energy into me and family members and friends than weeding thru a big pile of sucky men.

My father is a really good man and has been a wonderful partner to my mother for nearly sixty years, but even he knows that the vast majority of men aren’t worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men are more trouble than they are worth. I don't blame her.

The wrong ones are. My DH is great.

I am also of the opinion that most men are not worth the trouble. Glad you found one you think is great, but many of us are simply tired of being used in various ways by men. Overall, in my entire life, even after multiple long term relationships with kids, I have never been in a relationship where a man gave more to me than I to him.

I'm tired of that. I would rather pour my energy into me and family members and friends than weeding thru a big pile of sucky men.

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So what? If something happened to DH or we got divorced, I would never date or marry again. I prefer my own company and making decisions all by myself. I can’t imagine small talk, dating and meeting some new guy’s parents.

Plus if she’s late 40s she’s limited to 40s men—likely divorced duds saddled with kids and ex-wives. Nope!

Me too, sister, me too. I am in a great marriage and there is absolutely no reason, gosh forbid if something happened, to saddle myself with some pathetic loser. And at my age, they are all pathetic losers. Simple logic of left overs.

Seriously. Even the guys I thought were amazing that my friends married, many of them have either shown their true colors and cheated, or have proven to be losers who don’t earn and don’t do their fair share of housework and child care. Or they’ve completely lost their looks, oh well.

[Anonymous]

Sounds a lot like my cousin who is in her late 30s and is perfectly happy. Travels, has a solid job and owns a townhouse, has friends, likes spending time with family. Seems perfectly happy without the drama of dating and marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Something is wrong with YOU. Not her.

I got married due to pressure in my 30s. It was the biggest mistake of my life.

I wish I had stayed single. I am notw 47, living a life I did not ever want. I did not want kids. I have two. I am divorced. Coparenting sucks. I wish to God I had stayed single.

I am done with men. I stopped dating despite men age 28 to 55 are interested. Men are nothing but trouble. Most don't bring any benefits and take, take, take.

There is nothign wrong with her. She likes living alone and being single and not having to compromise for a man. What she has done is way better than what I did...marrying when I really did not want to.

I'm sorry your life turned out this way, but you know, some of us are glad we are married and have kids, even if sometimes the marriage is rough and kids are annoying AF. I'm 54, married 20+ years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The older people I meet who don’t date/never married seem very fussy and particular. I think they prefer life alone and not having to share. Not how I’d like to live personally, but some people are like that.

+1 Most people aren't meant to be an island, but if she's happy with her friends then let her be.

I'm not a huge social person. I really like my alone time.

But, I do think that being too close to your parents at this age is a red flag, though. They are not going to live that much longer, then what? Your social connection shrinks. Who will she go on vacations with?

I am a PP. Not everyone goes on vacation. I hate them. I only go to the beach 4 days a year for the kids. I have not taken an actual vacation since 2008. Also, many people travel alone if they like taking vacations. That is really not a worry. I am sure she has friends when her parents die. My parents never took a non-kid vacation and since I left home at 17--and I am now 47--they have not went on vacation in 30 years. This is a very priveledged site. My grandparents literally never went on vacation. People don't "need" vacations. Friends can be like family.

? but the thread is not about you, but OP's sister who does go on vacation with their parents.

But, thanks for sharing your boring existence.

BTW, my parents were low income immigrants to this country, and even they have gone on vacation other than back to their home country, which they did once, maybe twice in the 50+ years they've lived here. But, they've gone elsewhere. Even they can appreciate traveling to other parts of the country/world.

I was responding strictly to the ridiculousness of saying she is too close to her parents and the horror of "who will she go on vacation with?" There is literally nothing wrong with OP's sister.

Well, who would she go on vacation with? Seems like she likes to go on vacation, unlike you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds a lot like my cousin who is in her late 30s and is perfectly happy. Travels, has a solid job and owns a townhouse, has friends, likes spending time with family. Seems perfectly happy without the drama of dating and marriage.

I find it interesting that people always say, “You never know what goes one inside someone else’s marriage.” The couple that looks perfect on the outside is oftentimes hiding skeletons, drama, abuse &c.

But no one ever questions the outwardly “perfect” single. It’s a given that appearances are apparently reality in these instances. I disagree with that. How would you ever know? Everybody has problems. Most people have an incentive to present the perfect ‘happy’ image in this society, married or not.

[Anonymous]

I am single forever, as I promised myself. I adopted a child when I was 41, as I promised myself. I continue to date who I want and when I want (I am 61), as I promised myself.

My parents are early 90s, decent health, and love their granddaughter to the moon and back.

When I read this board I know very lucky I am and how life is so good.


.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds a lot like my cousin who is in her late 30s and is perfectly happy. Travels, has a solid job and owns a townhouse, has friends, likes spending time with family. Seems perfectly happy without the drama of dating and marriage.

I find it interesting that people always say, “You never know what goes one inside someone else’s marriage.” The couple that looks perfect on the outside is oftentimes hiding skeletons, drama, abuse &c.

But no one ever questions the outwardly “perfect” single. It’s a given that appearances are apparently reality in these instances. I disagree with that. How would you ever know? Everybody has problems. Most people have an incentive to present the perfect ‘happy’ image in this society, married or not.

PLENTY of people question the singles. For example, the OP is questioning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds a lot like my cousin who is in her late 30s and is perfectly happy. Travels, has a solid job and owns a townhouse, has friends, likes spending time with family. Seems perfectly happy without the drama of dating and marriage.

I find it interesting that people always say, “You never know what goes one inside someone else’s marriage.” The couple that looks perfect on the outside is oftentimes hiding skeletons, drama, abuse &c.

But no one ever questions the outwardly “perfect” single. It’s a given that appearances are apparently reality in these instances. I disagree with that. How would you ever know? Everybody has problems. Most people have an incentive to present the perfect ‘happy’ image in this society, married or not.

Wut? Until recently people assumed that anyone who made it through life unmarried was gay or defective.

[Anonymous]

OP you’re probably going to be divorced in 5 years or less. Leave your sister alone. Not everyone wants to married and have kids. She’s doing what makes her happy or at least cope with life. You need to mind your own business.