Sister in her late 40s won’t date

[Anonymous]

And has had only one real relationship I know of. I think she gave up on dating about 15 years ago when this one relationship tanked after a year. She’s not overweight, she dresses well, she owns her own condo, has a good job and a few interesting hobbies. She has a handful of friends from high school and work, and her high school friends include her even in their family activities when possible, but no one ever tried to set her up with someone.

She spends quite a lot of time with our parents and pretty much travels with them whenever possible. I imagine that has impacted her dating life as her weekends are often spent back in her childhood home going out to dinner with elderly mom and dad. She’s very interested in my kids, her nieces and a nephew, and she’s a great aunt, but I wish she had put some more effort into cultivating a good relationship for her own sake. I do know that in her 20s she had been pretty lazy about dating, even blowing off two guys who seemed nice and very interested in her at one point because she just couldn’t get herself together to follow through on meeting them.

She’s not gay, I’m pretty sure, so I don’t think that’s the issue. I do wonder if she just shut down all prospects and is content with being a devoted daughter. I wish she’d give herself a chance— I don’t think all hope is lost for her as she’s an interesting person and has a job that requires plenty of socializing. But let’s face it, our parents aren’t going to live forever, nieces and nephews grow up and leave and find their own lives, and friends decide to move away or lose touch.

If you or someone you know gave up on finding a relationship, what led you there? Did you deliberately decide you want to be alone? Did your friends ever try to set you up with anyone and did you tell them not to? She’s a nice person, not combative or unstable, so I don’t get it.

[Anonymous]

Different strokes for different folks.

[Anonymous]

Men are more trouble than they are worth. I don't blame her.

[Anonymous]

Why don't you ask her?
Some people aren't interested in romantic or sexual relationships.

[Anonymous]

Good for her.

[Anonymous]

I was very overweight in my early 20s, and then lost a lot of weight so that I was fit and pretty in my late 20s. I started to attract a lot of male attention, but I had such low self esteem that I couldn’t believe any man would want me, so I ended up alone. I did hit the adoption jackpot, however, so that turned out to be enough.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she is involved with someone and doesn’t want anyone to know. For example, could she be having a relationship with a married man, a woman, a priest ?

[Anonymous]

Let her be. If she wants to date, she'll date. Stop projecting onto her what you want her life to be. She has made the life for herself she wants, not the life you want for her. Don't ask her, don't comment on it, leave it alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men are more trouble than they are worth. I don't blame her.

The wrong ones are. My DH is great.

[Anonymous]

OP get a life. Why are you worried about this?

The truth is a lot of women are happier single. When I read your description of your sister I thought……wow she has a great life! She probably doesn’t want to egg it up with the drama of dating and relationships. Good for her for not falling into the trap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do know that in her 20s she had been pretty lazy about dating, even blowing off two guys who seemed nice and very interested in her at one point because she just couldn’t get herself together to follow through on meeting them.

When I was in my 20s, NOTHING would have stopped me from meeting up with "nice men who were interested in me." Not my social anxiety, not years of baggage from being treated like an ugly reject, not even the fact that I HAD a boyfriend--not a compatible one, but one nonetheless. My primary goal back then, other than basic things like staying alive and employed, was meeting the "right" man and getting married, and I would have done anything, no matter how awkward or energy draining, to make it happen.

If your sister were really interested in dating, she would have done something about it long ago.

[Anonymous]

You are her sister. Have you ever asked HER these questions?

[Anonymous]

She is living stress free. What’s the problem?

[Anonymous]

She sounds like she has a lot of positive things in her life - a good job, family with whom she’s close, friends, interesting hobbies, etc. Not everyone’s goal is to be in a relationship, and you haven’t mentioned that she’s ever expressed to you that she’s unhappy about her relationship status. I don’t see what the problem is.

[Anonymous]

The older people I meet who don’t date/never married seem very fussy and particular. I think they prefer life alone and not having to share. Not how I’d like to live personally, but some people are like that.