DD refusing to go to homecoming

[Anonymous]

I also asked my junior if he wanted to go to homecoming. He said no and I said OK. That was that. You shouldn’t be pushy.

Are you sure your angst over homecoming is really about homecoming or is it about the falling out with her friends? Do you think that if she goes to homecoming she’ll magically or miraculously have a rekindling of those friendships?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Can you imagine peaking in high school? Because it sounds like this is what happened to you, OP!

Hope for better things for your children.

STOP IT. NP here but some of these posts are beyond the pale in nastiness. Completely unnecessary and worse than the OP.

[Anonymous]

I would not make her go if she recently had a falling out with her friends.
I did encourage my son (a junior) to go with friends for the first time, when he had avoided it sophomore year to avoid seeing a girl who broke up with him that fall. He was reluctant to go because he would have to see her and her friends, but it had been over a year since the breakup, so since that was his only reason for not wanting to, I did press the issue. He had a good time with his buddies.

[Anonymous]

OP, ignore the mean posters, but do evaluate your real reason for wanting her to go - if it's anything to do with you or how you or she look on social media, etc - I think you know that is not healthy. You need to support your daughter's decision and not make her feel bad. Ask her if there's a chance she would change her mind so that she can have a dress/ticket if things change. Otherwise, why don't you plan a fun trip or outing. A college visit somewhere close by? A spa visit? Help her get her mind off this rough social patch. Agree with someone who said she won't really remember missing homecoming, but she will remember how her mom made her feel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I also asked my junior if he wanted to go to homecoming. He said no and I said OK. That was that. You shouldn’t be pushy.

Are you sure your angst over homecoming is really about homecoming or is it about the falling out with her friends? Do you think that if she goes to homecoming she’ll magically or miraculously have a rekindling of those friendships?

This is incorrect. As a parent, yes, you should be pushy.

Especially with this generation. This sort of insolence from children would never be tolerated in my country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also asked my junior if he wanted to go to homecoming. He said no and I said OK. That was that. You shouldn’t be pushy.

Are you sure your angst over homecoming is really about homecoming or is it about the falling out with her friends? Do you think that if she goes to homecoming she’ll magically or miraculously have a rekindling of those friendships?

This is incorrect. As a parent, yes, you should be pushy.

Especially with this generation. This sort of insolence from children would never be tolerated in my country.

Insolence? Because they don’t want to go to a dance? So your children have to do whatever want them to, and have no say in the matter? Man, I’m glad I’m not from your country. Yikes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD is a junior and I really want her to go to homecoming since it's a classic and, in my mind, important HS experience. However, she recently had a big falling out with her friend group and as such will have no one to go with. She doesn't have a date. However, she has a decent amount of acquaintances who she knows will be at the dance, and I'm hoping she can hang out with them.

However, she's being absolutely firm. Is there anything I can say or do to change her mind?

Why on earth are you trying to coerce your child into an absolutely non-essential social activity they won't enjoy or feel comfortable in and don't want to attend?
No wonder kids are so stressed these days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not let her have her journey?
If you think she might change her mind, make sure she has a dress and tickets.

If she is not going to the dance - how about doing something else fun instead? Go get nails done at a place late in the day when the classmates are gone.
Go to a movie she wants to see - or stream something at home.

This is a nice idea, thanks. The reason I'm so eager for her to go is because she really enjoyed the last two, and I know this thing with her friends isn't going to last. I just don't want her to not go and regret it.

It's OKAY if she regrets it. Parents need to stop trying to prevent any negative feelings their kids may have - this is why these kids have anxiety and zero resilience. She's old enough to make this type of decision on her own, and old enough to deal with the consequences of it.

Absolutely this!!

+2
there are a lot of things I "regret" about my kids' school experiences; but it's THEIR experience, not mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I kinda get where op is coming from. Sometimes some kids, particularly those with anxiety, need to be pushed a little to get out of their comfort zone. For teens, a parent pushing can also be a convenient scapegoat.

I'd drop the iconic experience stuff and say "hey, I know you said you didn't want to go because of your friend situation. That's your call. I just remember how much you enjoyed the last one. If you went this year and didn't have fun, you can say 'I told you so' to me. But ultimately it's your choice and life will go on either way. Keep me posted on your decision."

And then drop it. No nagging or reminding.

OP mentions nothing about anxiety being a problem. If kid had a good time last year, they remember that - but they were with friends last time. Kid is also a junior. There will be another homecoming next year. You been to one homecoming, you've been to them all. It's a dance. Homecoming is supposed to be for alumni "coming home." If OP's kid's social situation doesn't change in the next few months, I bet they'll be back here with the same angst about prom.

Y'all realize that a rather low percentage of students actually attend these events, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also asked my junior if he wanted to go to homecoming. He said no and I said OK. That was that. You shouldn’t be pushy.

Are you sure your angst over homecoming is really about homecoming or is it about the falling out with her friends? Do you think that if she goes to homecoming she’ll magically or miraculously have a rekindling of those friendships?

This is incorrect. As a parent, yes, you should be pushy.

Especially with this generation. This sort of insolence from children would never be tolerated in my country.

Well, then, I’m glad we’re not living in your country.

It’s a party, it’s a dance. It’s nothing to be pushy over.