DD refusing to go to homecoming

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why not let her have her journey?
If you think she might change her mind, make sure she has a dress and tickets.

If she is not going to the dance - how about doing something else fun instead? Go get nails done at a place late in the day when the classmates are gone.
Go to a movie she wants to see - or stream something at home.

This is a nice idea, thanks. The reason I'm so eager for her to go is because she really enjoyed the last two, and I know this thing with her friends isn't going to last. I just don't want her to not go and regret it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not let her have her journey?
If you think she might change her mind, make sure she has a dress and tickets.

If she is not going to the dance - how about doing something else fun instead? Go get nails done at a place late in the day when the classmates are gone.
Go to a movie she wants to see - or stream something at home.

This is a nice idea, thanks. The reason I'm so eager for her to go is because she really enjoyed the last two, and I know this thing with her friends isn't going to last. I just don't want her to not go and regret it.

She won't regret it. Sounds like you might regret not having it to post on your social media, is my guess.

Get a life and support your daughter in HER feelings and preferences.

What she'll remember about this isn't not going to homecoming. She'll remember how you made her feel about it. 100 percent guarantee.

[Anonymous]

I kinda get where op is coming from. Sometimes some kids, particularly those with anxiety, need to be pushed a little to get out of their comfort zone. For teens, a parent pushing can also be a convenient scapegoat.

I'd drop the iconic experience stuff and say "hey, I know you said you didn't want to go because of your friend situation. That's your call. I just remember how much you enjoyed the last one. If you went this year and didn't have fun, you can say 'I told you so' to me. But ultimately it's your choice and life will go on either way. Keep me posted on your decision."

And then drop it. No nagging or reminding.

[Anonymous]

Let it go. Shes old enough to be in control here.

[Anonymous]

Homecoming is only a classic in movies. My high school did not have homecoming. My kid’s high school does not have homecoming. Neither do they have prom king or queen.

That silly stuff needs to be left down South where they’re always decades behind the rest of the country.

[Anonymous]

You are the WORST kind of mom.

[Anonymous]

I grew up in NY, and am not even sure if my school had a football team. Homecoming was not at all a thing. Despite that, I thrived as a human being - I vote, compost, am a good neighbor, wash my hands before prepping food, hold the door for people, and cover for coworkers when they're on leave. Why, I just had flowers sent to a relative who became a judge this morning! All without having gone to homecoming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Leave her alone!

I didn't go to junior year homecoming and I went to a party at a farm for senior year homecoming because the official venue was at a racist and anti-Semitic club.

Not going to junior year homecoming didn't affect my life at all, and the farm party was a positive experience.

Back off, please.

In some parts of the world school is just for learning and there are few if any social activities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Homecoming is only a classic in movies. My high school did not have homecoming. My kid’s high school does not have homecoming. Neither do they have prom king or queen.

That silly stuff needs to be left down South where they’re always decades behind the rest of the country.

+1 Why are so many of these old millennial/young gen x moms trying to make their kids' teen years like a cheesy 80s/90s movie or stupid TV show like Dawson's Creek? I will go to my grave arguing D's C is the worst, most contrived and unrealistic "teen" show in history.

[Anonymous]

Its not about you, I don't blame her, do something fun with her that night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD is a junior and I really want her to go to homecoming since it's a classic and, in my mind, important HS experience. However, she recently had a big falling out with her friend group and as such will have no one to go with. She doesn't have a date. However, she has a decent amount of acquaintances who she knows will be at the dance, and I'm hoping she can hang out with them.

However, she's being absolutely firm. Is there anything I can say or do to change her mind?

This is your problem, not hers. Is there anything she can do to convince you that you had your homecoming and it is her life!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I kinda get where op is coming from. Sometimes some kids, particularly those with anxiety, need to be pushed a little to get out of their comfort zone. For teens, a parent pushing can also be a convenient scapegoat.

I'd drop the iconic experience stuff and say "hey, I know you said you didn't want to go because of your friend situation. That's your call. I just remember how much you enjoyed the last one. If you went this year and didn't have fun, you can say 'I told you so' to me. But ultimately it's your choice and life will go on either way. Keep me posted on your decision."

And then drop it. No nagging or reminding.

This does not at all accurately describe the reasons why OP said her daughter doesn’t want to go. It doesn’t sound like anxiety. She had a falling out with her friend group and doesn’t want to go. Kind of a normal reaction.

[Anonymous]

OMG. If this is real, please leave her the hell alone on this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are the WORST kind of mom.

This makes no sense to me. What in the original post indicates a terrible mother? Maybe a bit pushy and overbearing, but geez, lighten up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not let her have her journey?
If you think she might change her mind, make sure she has a dress and tickets.

If she is not going to the dance - how about doing something else fun instead? Go get nails done at a place late in the day when the classmates are gone.
Go to a movie she wants to see - or stream something at home.

This is a nice idea, thanks. The reason I'm so eager for her to go is because she really enjoyed the last two, and I know this thing with her friends isn't going to last. I just don't want her to not go and regret it.

It's OKAY if she regrets it. Parents need to stop trying to prevent any negative feelings their kids may have - this is why these kids have anxiety and zero resilience. She's old enough to make this type of decision on her own, and old enough to deal with the consequences of it.