To what extent do you cater to adult picky eaters?

[Anonymous]

I do try to accommodate adult picky eaters, BUT: I very rarely host guests, and that's what makes it bearable for me. I already have to deal with an anaphylactic nut allergy, lactose intolerance, prediabetes, and high blood pressure, in my nuclear family and for daily meals.

You are perfectly entitled to drawing a line wherever you want it, OP, as long as it's spelled out clearly before people buy plane tickets or whatnot. Then they're at liberty to decline the visit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't. Picky adult eaters have 3 options:

- eat what I make/order/serve
- pick around what I eat/order/serve
- bring or make their own food, and clean up after themselves.

OP here. I think I’m ready to go into this mode.

And to another PP’s point, yes it really is a lot for a week of cooking for two houseguests (all meals and snacks) and at least 4 “bigger dinners” with the other visitors. My nuclear family alone is 5 people, so even the volume for 9 people is challenging, plus on top of that I do at least one meal where my local cousin and her family of 5 comes over as well. So even grilling is quite a volume game.

I can’t even ask DCUM for advice because the typical “baked ziti” and “chicken shawarma” will not work for my Dad especially.

My feeling is that if I care about them enough to have them over, I want them to have a good time. I would order pizza for the cousin meal. Other meals could be rotisserie chicken and mashed potatoes and a vegetable, hot dogs and baked beans and cucumber slices and ranch, make your own sandwich, spaghetti and meatballs, store-bought pulled pork on buns, that sort of thing. I also think it's ok to stock the freezer with microwave dinners or frozen pizza or the precooked cheeseburgers they have at Costco or uncrustables or whatever, and if they don't like the other options they can heat something up.

[Anonymous]

Oh and I would not do anything fancy for breakfast and lunch. Toast or cold cereal or bagels or yogurt for breakfast. Cold cut sandwiches or canned soup for lunches. Premade stuff like chips, baby carrots, string cheese, yogurt, fruit or jello cups for snacks. Especially if that is what they are used to eating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not talking about allergies or restrictions. I’m talking straight-up adult picky eaters.

My parents are visiting soon, and my local brother and his husband are coming over as well for a few meals.

Dad and my brother are picky: meat and potatoes, no fish, no “funny shaped pasta.” Feeding them for multiple meals is challenging, especially Dad who is an overnight guest. I’ve dealt with this for years.

I’m starting to think screw it, I’ll make what I make and if they don’t like it they can help themselves to PB&J or order their own takeout…

I think your plan is fine. The "funny shaped pasta" has me chuckling, and curious as well. What does your dad consider "funny shaped"?

[Anonymous]

Find what they like and make a lot of it for them to enjoy. Or ask them to bring what they like, or a combination of both. Surely they know they're picky and can be made to understand how challenging it is to feed them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How many meals will your dad or brother prepare? I have a feeling the answer is zero.

Are you a woman and cooking all the meals?

Do you usually invite guests to your house and make them cook?

I make sure dinner guests can eat. I make sure houseguests can feed themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get the pasta shape thing. The adult picky eaters I know have aversions to tastes or textures (and are willing to try new things, they just often don’t like them), but ziti tastes like farfalle, doesn’t it?

The different kinds of pasta thing is a texture thing.

I personally think picky eaters have a personality defect and it's infantile. My dad is very picky too and my mom went out of her way to cater to it. We're very close and they come over weekly to eat at my house. Guess what? He eats my food. Sometimes I see him make funny faces (he doesn't mean to) as he eats, but he eats it. I do try to have a few things he likes, but I'm not avoiding pasta entirely because he doesn't like it.

I think parents are doing their kids a big disservice by allowing them to be picky eaters. It's one thing to hate weird food (escargot, duck eggs, steak tartare) but normal food like fish and pasta should be fine. I went to a seafood restaurant with a 30 year old once, he asked me how would he know if he had a shellfish allergy. He'd never eaten any seafood, including shrimp in his life. I was stunned.

You clearly don’t know anyone with ARFID. My teen would starve herself to fainting rather than eat food with textures she can’t tolerate. All of these neurological problems are getting more and more prevalent.

Why is this, though?

Certain neurological conditions are on the rise, as are certain auto immune and auto inflammatory conditions. Scientists are still trying to figure out why. It's probably a combination of factors.

What is clear, is that's it's not parenting, because these conditions appear in families with a wide variety of parenting styles, and that while our understanding of causes may be increasing, it hasn't yet led to strategies that can ameliorate or reverse these conditions.

My family has experienced a devasting life limiting auto inflammatory condition that is on the rise for unknown reasons. Of course we want to know, and support research to find out, why these conditions are increasing so that other children and families don't suffer like ours. But saying "Why is it?" isn't an excuse not to provide individuals with these conditions the support they need. Both things need to happen, there needs to be research into why sensory conditions like AFRID are on the rise, and we need to love and feed and nurture the people who have AFRID. It's not either/or.

Please point out where anyone said this.

[Anonymous]

You just gotta be the bigger person. For us cooks picky eaters suck and are a pita. But what’s the point of doing all the work if people aren’t going to eat? Some adults want their burgers plain with just cheese and ketchup. Or refuse to eat anything with onions…or tomato sauce. It’s just the way they are and no amount of “being right” is going to prompt them to change. Life’s too short.

[Anonymous]

My dad was a “picky eater” at our house because he was racist. My husband is middle eastern so we eat a lot of hummus and tahini and rice and kebabs and various assorted spicy vegetable dishes. We also eat healthy spicy things like Kim chi etc.

I don’t think it’s really fair for the whole family to have to give up eating the way we normally eat because he wants meatloaf and mashed potatoes. He basically just wants “white people food.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't. Picky adult eaters have 3 options:

- eat what I make/order/serve
- pick around what I eat/order/serve
- bring or make their own food, and clean up after themselves.

OP here. I think I’m ready to go into this mode.

And to another PP’s point, yes it really is a lot for a week of cooking for two houseguests (all meals and snacks) and at least 4 “bigger dinners” with the other visitors. My nuclear family alone is 5 people, so even the volume for 9 people is challenging, plus on top of that I do at least one meal where my local cousin and her family of 5 comes over as well. So even grilling is quite a volume game.

I can’t even ask DCUM for advice because the typical “baked ziti” and “chicken shawarma” will not work for my Dad especially.

This sounds more like you are overwhelmed with all of the cooking, rather than the particular foods (baked potatoes are pretty easy every night.) Why don't you ask local brother to pick up a meal for one of the nights. Your local cousin can potluck with you. It isn't like somehow the foods that you would otherwise cook are easier than meat and potatoes. You are just resentful about the work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dad was a “picky eater” at our house because he was racist. My husband is middle eastern so we eat a lot of hummus and tahini and rice and kebabs and various assorted spicy vegetable dishes. We also eat healthy spicy things like Kim chi etc.

I don’t think it’s really fair for the whole family to have to give up eating the way we normally eat because he wants meatloaf and mashed potatoes. He basically just wants “white people food.”

I'm a non-racist picky eater and my mouth burns at basic pepper put into scrambled eggs. Even with chugging a full glass of water my mouth will burn from that for two days - my body just REALLY dislikes heat. So no, I wouldn't eat kimchi. I don't like hummus or tahini but do like rice and some kebabs (depending on what's on them) and don't eat spicy vegetables but do like vegetables.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dad was a “picky eater” at our house because he was racist. My husband is middle eastern so we eat a lot of hummus and tahini and rice and kebabs and various assorted spicy vegetable dishes. We also eat healthy spicy things like Kim chi etc.

I don’t think it’s really fair for the whole family to have to give up eating the way we normally eat because he wants meatloaf and mashed potatoes. He basically just wants “white people food.”

So cultural foods/habits are important to your husband, but shouldn’t be important to your dad?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dad was a “picky eater” at our house because he was racist. My husband is middle eastern so we eat a lot of hummus and tahini and rice and kebabs and various assorted spicy vegetable dishes. We also eat healthy spicy things like Kim chi etc.

I don’t think it’s really fair for the whole family to have to give up eating the way we normally eat because he wants meatloaf and mashed potatoes. He basically just wants “white people food.”

So cultural foods/habits are important to your husband, but shouldn’t be important to your dad?

Not PP, but does husband refuse to eat food "white people food" because he is biased against it? I kind of feel for PP - I grew up eating an "ethnic" cuisine and my in-laws often act as though many of our typical foods are an abomination, and we aren't talking about anything that is THAT particularly outside the norms of an american palate. It's racism. I eat their boiled green beans and their oval ham and the potatoes from a box, and keep my mouth shut, but god forbid an olive land on their plate. It's childish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dad was a “picky eater” at our house because he was racist. My husband is middle eastern so we eat a lot of hummus and tahini and rice and kebabs and various assorted spicy vegetable dishes. We also eat healthy spicy things like Kim chi etc.

I don’t think it’s really fair for the whole family to have to give up eating the way we normally eat because he wants meatloaf and mashed potatoes. He basically just wants “white people food.”

So cultural foods/habits are important to your husband, but shouldn’t be important to your dad?

Not PP, but does husband refuse to eat food "white people food" because he is biased against it? I kind of feel for PP - I grew up eating an "ethnic" cuisine and my in-laws often act as though many of our typical foods are an abomination, and we aren't talking about anything that is THAT particularly outside the norms of an american palate. It's racism. I eat their boiled green beans and their oval ham and the potatoes from a box, and keep my mouth shut, but god forbid an olive land on their plate. It's childish.

The PP is married to a middle eastern husband and now eats HIS diet. When her dad visits, he wants meatloaf and mashed potatoes because that's what he's used to eating. She doesn't want her family to "give up eating the way we normally eat." So she abandons her heritage and expects her family to as well.