I'm Trying to Gently Show My DD That the Boy She Likes Is Not Interested in Her

[Anonymous]

Buy her the book “The Rules.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole thing is really the boy’s fault.

He’s just a kid, also trying to figure things out. My 14-year-old son recently had his first “girlfriend.” It lasted a few weeks because she (and her friends) came on really strong, and he freaked out. He clearly wasn’t ready for some intense relationship. He just had had his first requited feelings for a girl.

When he confided in me that he wanted the situation to end, I told him that the kindest thing to do was end it nicely but definitively (rather than slow burn pull away), and he did. Then all her friends started a text thread (with him on it) where they went off on him. They said he never even liked her and that he was obviously gay.

Let’s have compassion for all these clueless kids.

Understood. But this boy could just tell OP's DD things have changed. Not doing so or providing any explanation is much more cruel than telling someone you're not interested. He's leaving a girl, his best friend at that, without a clue of why things have changed. Not cool at all, especially given their friendship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole thing is really the boy’s fault.

He’s just a kid, also trying to figure things out. My 14-year-old son recently had his first “girlfriend.” It lasted a few weeks because she (and her friends) came on really strong, and he freaked out. He clearly wasn’t ready for some intense relationship. He just had had his first requited feelings for a girl.

When he confided in me that he wanted the situation to end, I told him that the kindest thing to do was end it nicely but definitively (rather than slow burn pull away), and he did. Then all her friends started a text thread (with him on it) where they went off on him. They said he never even liked her and that he was obviously gay.

Let’s have compassion for all these clueless kids.

Understood. But this boy could just tell OP's DD things have changed. Not doing so or providing any explanation is much more cruel than telling someone you're not interested. He's leaving a girl, his best friend at that, without a clue of why things have changed. Not cool at all, especially given their friendship.

Of course that’s the right thing to do. But I appreciate that OP gave him some grace and didn’t label him a bad kid for not handling it well at age 15. I wonder what my son will do next time—after “doing the right thing” backfired on him. I doubt he’ll ask for my advice. He’ll probably just block the person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Buy her the book “The Rules.”

Both authors' marriages failed at some point after the book came out. Those old crones don't know any more than we do, probably less in fact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole thing is really the boy’s fault.

He’s just a kid, also trying to figure things out. My 14-year-old son recently had his first “girlfriend.” It lasted a few weeks because she (and her friends) came on really strong, and he freaked out. He clearly wasn’t ready for some intense relationship. He just had had his first requited feelings for a girl.

When he confided in me that he wanted the situation to end, I told him that the kindest thing to do was end it nicely but definitively (rather than slow burn pull away), and he did. Then all her friends started a text thread (with him on it) where they went off on him. They said he never even liked her and that he was obviously gay.

Let’s have compassion for all these clueless kids.

Understood. But this boy could just tell OP's DD things have changed. Not doing so or providing any explanation is much more cruel than telling someone you're not interested. He's leaving a girl, his best friend at that, without a clue of why things have changed. Not cool at all, especially given their friendship.

Of course that’s the right thing to do. But I appreciate that OP gave him some grace and didn’t label him a bad kid for not handling it well at age 15. I wonder what my son will do next time—after “doing the right thing” backfired on him. I doubt he’ll ask for my advice. He’ll probably just block the person.

My DD is on the receiving end of this same scenario, but she's glad she asked for a definitive position from him. She said she can stop wondering now. This stuff is hard at this age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole thing is really the boy’s fault.

He’s just a kid, also trying to figure things out. My 14-year-old son recently had his first “girlfriend.” It lasted a few weeks because she (and her friends) came on really strong, and he freaked out. He clearly wasn’t ready for some intense relationship. He just had had his first requited feelings for a girl.

When he confided in me that he wanted the situation to end, I told him that the kindest thing to do was end it nicely but definitively (rather than slow burn pull away), and he did. Then all her friends started a text thread (with him on it) where they went off on him. They said he never even liked her and that he was obviously gay.

Let’s have compassion for all these clueless kids.

Understood. But this boy could just tell OP's DD things have changed. Not doing so or providing any explanation is much more cruel than telling someone you're not interested. He's leaving a girl, his best friend at that, without a clue of why things have changed. Not cool at all, especially given their friendship.

But maybe he doesn’t really know. I don’t think the boy is doing anything wrong. He is just communicating less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole thing is really the boy’s fault.

He’s just a kid, also trying to figure things out. My 14-year-old son recently had his first “girlfriend.” It lasted a few weeks because she (and her friends) came on really strong, and he freaked out. He clearly wasn’t ready for some intense relationship. He just had had his first requited feelings for a girl.

When he confided in me that he wanted the situation to end, I told him that the kindest thing to do was end it nicely but definitively (rather than slow burn pull away), and he did. Then all her friends started a text thread (with him on it) where they went off on him. They said he never even liked her and that he was obviously gay.

Let’s have compassion for all these clueless kids.

Understood. But this boy could just tell OP's DD things have changed. Not doing so or providing any explanation is much more cruel than telling someone you're not interested. He's leaving a girl, his best friend at that, without a clue of why things have changed. Not cool at all, especially given their friendship.

Of course that’s the right thing to do. But I appreciate that OP gave him some grace and didn’t label him a bad kid for not handling it well at age 15. I wonder what my son will do next time—after “doing the right thing” backfired on him. I doubt he’ll ask for my advice. He’ll probably just block the person.

Yes being direct and as little communication as possible is best "it's not working out" and block as needed to avoid any further drama.

[Anonymous]

Cropped Jean jacket or cardigan might be helpful for the fall. Or pairing cropped tops with high rise jeans, less skin gives it different look while staying in trend. Since you have a similar built I would coach her. No oversized T-shirts unless she finds it comfortable, not to hide. To keep with budget, just a few basics to mix in. Salvation Army often has better quality clothes than fast fashion shop, especially in petite sizes. She should love her curves. Compliment her everyday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cropped Jean jacket or cardigan might be helpful for the fall. Or pairing cropped tops with high rise jeans, less skin gives it different look while staying in trend. Since you have a similar built I would coach her. No oversized T-shirts unless she finds it comfortable, not to hide. To keep with budget, just a few basics to mix in. Salvation Army often has better quality clothes than fast fashion shop, especially in petite sizes. She should love her curves. Compliment her everyday.

What the hellz??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Buy her the book “The Rules.”

Both authors' marriages failed at some point after the book came out. Those old crones don't know any more than we do, probably less in fact.

The premise of the book is to recognize when someone’s not into you, and to respect yourself. To only date people that treat you with respect, and don’t string you along. It’s not about having a happy marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Buy her the book “The Rules.”

Both authors' marriages failed at some point after the book came out. Those old crones don't know any more than we do, probably less in fact.

The premise of the book is to recognize when someone’s not into you, and to respect yourself. To only date people that treat you with respect, and don’t string you along. It’s not about having a happy marriage.

+1