I'm Trying to Gently Show My DD That the Boy She Likes Is Not Interested in Her

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just be honest & straightforward with your daughter--tell her it is clear that the young man is not interested in her in a romantic/boyfriend-girlfriend relationship.

I agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop living your kid’s life.

There’s one on every thread, and it’s tiresome. GMAFB. There’s still some parenting going on when kids are 15. Yes, she needs to learn on her own but there’s nothing wrong with being direct: “he’s not interested in you romantically.” And then providing gentle support (without telling her what to do).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like you should talk to her about it and learn all the dating terms (gaslighting, dry texter, love bombing, future faking). I've had open conversations about these behaviors with my 14 yr old DD in regards to boys and friends. I get the eye roll more often but she listens (or so I think!). I'll say "did you ever hear of the term gaslighting" and she may have or haven't. I'll explain what I've read but more in a light matter of a fact way (and usually when I'm driving and we are just chatting). She already thinks I'm clueless on hip terms so it's not too far fetched these convos. Throwing this out there as an idea in case you'd think your DD would be receptive. Remind her she's the prize and she deserves to be treated better than what's he's doing right now even at a friend level. She may realize this on her own but a little self esteem boosting never hurts. And if you have your own examples from that age of something similar, share it and empathize on how hard it is when you have such feelings towards someone.

Did you read a book that you taught you these words?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop living your kid’s life.

There’s one on every thread, and it’s tiresome. GMAFB. There’s still some parenting going on when kids are 15. Yes, she needs to learn on her own but there’s nothing wrong with being direct: “he’s not interested in you romantically.” And then providing gentle support (without telling her what to do).

I had to look this up. It is unnecessary honestly. Why can't you speak directly and plainly yourself?

Btw, you all forget what it is like being a teen. Do you really think the teen is going to say "thanks mom, you are right and this boy doesn't like me at all!" I am going to move on and find contentment in myself.

GMAFB

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like you should talk to her about it and learn all the dating terms (gaslighting, dry texter, love bombing, future faking). I've had open conversations about these behaviors with my 14 yr old DD in regards to boys and friends. I get the eye roll more often but she listens (or so I think!). I'll say "did you ever hear of the term gaslighting" and she may have or haven't. I'll explain what I've read but more in a light matter of a fact way (and usually when I'm driving and we are just chatting). She already thinks I'm clueless on hip terms so it's not too far fetched these convos. Throwing this out there as an idea in case you'd think your DD would be receptive. Remind her she's the prize and she deserves to be treated better than what's he's doing right now even at a friend level. She may realize this on her own but a little self esteem boosting never hurts. And if you have your own examples from that age of something similar, share it and empathize on how hard it is when you have such feelings towards someone.

This sounds like a bunch of bogus YouTube/TikTok armchair psychologist terms.

[Anonymous]

MYOB Mom.

[Anonymous]

You have no idea if he is interested or not. Teen boys do not always act the way they feel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is tough, but I think should stop saying he is "great kid" and "great friend," stop talking him up and talking about him in general. She picks up on your attitude that he's Mr. Wonderful and then she wonders what's wrong with her that Mr. Wonderful doesn't think she's good enough. Talk about another boy for a change.

This is good advice.

It’s tough to give direct advise on this. I would not say anything unless she is directly venting to me about being frustrated he isn’t responding or is pulling back. If she is, I’d probably just say but not responding to her or responding infrequently, he is telling her he needs some space- and she should stop being in touch with him and give him his space. He’ll reach out if/when he is ready to reconnect.

[Anonymous]

I think you should focus not on telling her what this boy wants or doesn’t want but what she should expect or deserve from a boy. Build her up. Most girls really could do with more reinforcement of their worth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve had my best luck giving my kids advice in a round about way, by telling them a similar story about my own dating past and then letting them connect the dots for their own situation.

I think this is spot on. It can be a tricky line because you want to stay away from me. “I’ve been in the exact same situation” message but instead give them some information to think about and apply themselves to their situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD's (15) long time crush expressed an interest in her and came on strong and the very quickly dialed it back (they have been BFFs for years). Now, he takes days to text her back, cancels hangouts at the last minute, doesn't ask to hangout and if he sees her out, will take his time coming around to say hello but will later make an excuse as to why he did not interact with her more when he saw her out. I get it - he's a teen and neither one of them has relationship experience. He's actually not a bad kid (has been a great friend to her) but for whatever reason, the situation has now changed. I just want her to see these signs for what they are. Instead, she's hanging on for dear life, thinking this is going to work out, counting the hours he doesn't text her back. I don't want to be negative about this situation or the boy but I kind of want her to read the signals of when a boy's interest has cooled and it's time to move on so in the future she will know when it's time to let it go and move on. Any suggestions?

I would remind her to always treat others the way you would want to be treated...and that includes yourself. An easy way to help her see this is to ask her if she saw a friend treated like this, what would she tell her friend? In this case, she needs to be a friend to herself.

It doesn't mean that the boy is a bad person -- as you say, everyone here is at a stage of learning how to act. So she doesn't need to be mad at him or make him out to be a bad person. She just needs to learn how to respect herself and make sure she is treated as she deserves.

[Anonymous]

Can you find some pop culture examples to watch together? I keep thinking of that "he's just not into you" episode of Sex in the City, but I'm sure there is something more recent and relevant to the smart phone era.

[Anonymous]

wow just wow stay out of it!

Get a hobby!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve had my best luck giving my kids advice in a round about way, by telling them a similar story about my own dating past and then letting them connect the dots for their own situation.

I think this is spot on. It can be a tricky line because you want to stay away from me. “I’ve been in the exact same situation” message but instead give them some information to think about and apply themselves to their situation.

What do your girlfriends think? What would you think if another boy was treating your BFF this way?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you find some pop culture examples to watch together? I keep thinking of that "he's just not into you" episode of Sex in the City, but I'm sure there is something more recent and relevant to the smart phone era.

there is a movie "he's just not into you". she should watch it