Three year old literally WILL NOT get dressed in the morning (or ever)

[Anonymous]

Just dress them and if they are hysterical don’t respond just keep dressing them. say nothing . repeat as necessary.

The explaining and games will backfire on you in the morning when you really don’t have time and will quickly lose patience and it will escalate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please help if you've been through this...

My 3 year old son is impossible to get dressed and out the door in the morning or ever. We give him choices of two things to wear, he won't choose. We tell him he can choose anything in his drawer, he won't. We get angry and try to forcefully dress him, he freaks out, cries hysterically then peels the clothes off while crying anyway. We try to be sweet and calm, he just refuses to do anything and has a stand off with us. We have left the house with him in his underwear before, buckling him in sobbing crying, only to arrive at our destination and he still refuses to get dressed and we have to go back home.

Most days he will FINALLY give in, but this can (and does) last an hour or more sometimes, and leaves everyone pissed off and emotionally drained.

Even when he does get dressed, he likes to take his clothes off the minute he's back home, and wants to change a million times a day. Wants to wear weather-inappropriate things like thick sweaters in the summer heat, or thick warm Christmas pajamas in the heat, or casual play clothes to church.

I am assuming it's a control thing, but I just don't know what to do or how to break it. I CANNOT deal with this every morning once school starts.....

FWIW he is a joy and is a sweet child the rest of the time, pretty much. He just dropped his nap, we're expecting another child, so IDK if it's just a phase of lots of transition? HELPPPPP

Would he wear pjs to school? Can you afford a nanny? 3 year olds don't really have to go to school.

Yes, three year olds should be in daycare/preschool. I’m out of ways to respond to these responses at this point. Not everyone is obsessed with keeping their kids locked in the house until 26….

[Anonymous]

It’s been super hot lately. Any chance your kid is just too warm and doesn’t want to wear clothes?

[Anonymous]

How much sleep is he getting now that he has dropped the nap? Wondering if sleep deprivation might be impacting his ability to cope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just dress them and if they are hysterical don’t respond just keep dressing them. say nothing . repeat as necessary.

The explaining and games will backfire on you in the morning when you really don’t have time and will quickly lose patience and it will escalate.

I offer games and choices but set time limits. If you don’t choose by the time I’m done doing X (often counting to 3), I choose for you. If you don’t get dressed yourself in a reasonable amount of time, I will wrestle you into your clothes myself. A few times of wailing and wrestling and my kids (2 and 4) are pretty good in the mornings now. Sometimes they want me to choose their clothes or dress them and I try to make sure I’m available to do so but also leave them enough time to do it themselves if they want to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just dress them and if they are hysterical don’t respond just keep dressing them. say nothing . repeat as necessary.

The explaining and games will backfire on you in the morning when you really don’t have time and will quickly lose patience and it will escalate.

We had to do a lot of this for my oldest at this age (ADHD and anxiety) and now they are a delightful mid-elementary schooler who goes and dresses themself carefully in a well coordinated outfit each morning. These things don’t last forever if you are getting the other help they need.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just dress them and if they are hysterical don’t respond just keep dressing them. say nothing . repeat as necessary.

The explaining and games will backfire on you in the morning when you really don’t have time and will quickly lose patience and it will escalate.

I offer games and choices but set time limits. If you don’t choose by the time I’m done doing X (often counting to 3), I choose for you. If you don’t get dressed yourself in a reasonable amount of time, I will wrestle you into your clothes myself. A few times of wailing and wrestling and my kids (2 and 4) are pretty good in the mornings now. Sometimes they want me to choose their clothes or dress them and I try to make sure I’m available to do so but also leave them enough time to do it themselves if they want to.

Yes, this is how it goes with easy kids. Guess what? I follow the same routine with choices and limits…And a year in mine is still crying and screaming while I wrestle her into her clothes after she failed/refused to choose every single day. Spirited/difficult kids do not simply get with the program.

[Anonymous]

It's likely a phase. My DD was similar and so I let her go to preschool or out and about in pjs. She eventually wanted to get dressed after several months of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you tried dressing him in his clothes the night before?

This is what I did with my kids.

So they go through the day dressed in clothes that look wrinkled like they slept in them? Ridiculous. I do not understand grown women being dictated to by a 3 year old spoiled brat of their own making.

[Anonymous]

+1 to get dressed the night before. Everything my kids wear is cotton knit anyway. It's not wrinkled.

Don't worry OP, they grow out of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s been super hot lately. Any chance your kid is just too warm and doesn’t want to wear clothes?

And the OP wrote this did not happen before the nap was dropped. So maybe he's overly tired and just loses it. 1st put away all clothes inappropriate for the season. Then look at the clothes for the season. And the fit and fabric Scrap the heavy shorts like denim or cargo pants or zipper pants. I saw a child dropped off at a relatives- his shorts were so tight on lega and stomach. Armholes small - poly on top and poly blend on bottom.

[Anonymous]

Agree with what others have said—dress your child the night before if it’s easier, put away clothes that are weather inappropriate. I also agree that it sounds like it could be sensory.

Have you asked him (when he’s calm and it isn’t a battle) what’s up? Whether anything would make it better for him? (Like cutting out tags). My DD has ASD, and is particular about clothes—not totally sensory though as we have found out, it’s just that she wants to look a certain way, wear certain colors, etc. What ended up working for us was going clothes shopping with her and having HER pick out her clothes—we started doing this at around 2.75 and it helped a lot along with dressing her the night before.

[Anonymous]

I used to dress my daughter the night before. We would have power struggles over everything.

Finally got am ADHD diagnosis at 7. She (we) went to occupational therapy to help with emotional regulation. That was combined with medication.

I feel for you... it feels like a hostage situation sometimes. You can't believe a 40 lb child is controlling your ability to leave the house.

[Anonymous]

So they go through the day dressed in clothes that look wrinkled like they slept in them? Ridiculous. I do not understand grown women being dictated to by a 3 year old spoiled brat of their own making.

We got a perfect parent over here!

(OP, don't listen to people like this. You're doing your best).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is he associating getting dressed with something he doesn’t want to do?

This was true for my son - he didn't want to get dressed, because getting dressed meant we were about to go to daycare and he had to say goodbye to me. I don't have much advice except to stay calm, try not to make it a power struggle, and yes, some days just leave the house in pjs with clothes in a bag to change into if necessary. We lived through it and it eventually got better.