Three year old literally WILL NOT get dressed in the morning (or ever)

[Anonymous]

Please help if you've been through this...

My 3 year old son is impossible to get dressed and out the door in the morning or ever. We give him choices of two things to wear, he won't choose. We tell him he can choose anything in his drawer, he won't. We get angry and try to forcefully dress him, he freaks out, cries hysterically then peels the clothes off while crying anyway. We try to be sweet and calm, he just refuses to do anything and has a stand off with us. We have left the house with him in his underwear before, buckling him in sobbing crying, only to arrive at our destination and he still refuses to get dressed and we have to go back home.

Most days he will FINALLY give in, but this can (and does) last an hour or more sometimes, and leaves everyone pissed off and emotionally drained.

Even when he does get dressed, he likes to take his clothes off the minute he's back home, and wants to change a million times a day. Wants to wear weather-inappropriate things like thick sweaters in the summer heat, or thick warm Christmas pajamas in the heat, or casual play clothes to church.

I am assuming it's a control thing, but I just don't know what to do or how to break it. I CANNOT deal with this every morning once school starts.....

FWIW he is a joy and is a sweet child the rest of the time, pretty much. He just dropped his nap, we're expecting another child, so IDK if it's just a phase of lots of transition? HELPPPPP

[Anonymous]

Have you tried dressing him in his clothes the night before?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you tried dressing him in his clothes the night before?

Excellent idea. I would also advise figuring out what his currency is as soon as you can and using it.

[Anonymous]

That sounds really hard. Have you tried any of the following?

- making it into a game (who can get dressed first?)
- dressing him in his tomorrow clothes.the night before?
- Just let him wear his pajamas all day?
- Singing songs for each item? Just make up a tune about taking off pajamas?
- Have him watch a short video while you dress him (I know, screens are evil, could backfire, but worth trying if it can avoid an hour long standoff)

[Anonymous]

This sounds like you need a behavioral coach and an evaluation for a possible sensory disorder. The poor kid does not want to be like this, but clearly there is something about clothing that is distressing to his body sense. Start with an occupational therapist who has expertise in sensory processing disorders.

Meanwhile, act out getting ready for the day with his stuffed animals. Pretend one is the mommy and one is the child and act out the parts with him. See if you can get him to have the child say what it is thinking or feeling. You pretend to be the child animal and offer two choices, like the animal is too tired to get dressed or it doesn’t like the way the shirt feels. See if he picks one.

I can assure you that he is not doing this on purpose. Children want to please adults and his emotional overload in this is not pleasant. Good for you for trying to find a solution to help him.

[Anonymous]

We get dressed the night before and they sleep in their clothes. Makes mornings much faster and we don't have to buy PJs (each kid has about 1 pair for PJ day at school and similar).

[Anonymous]

Put him to sleep in the clothes he needs to wear in the morning to leave.

[Anonymous]

Put away weather inappropriate things like sweaters in July. Somewhere he can’t see them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you tried dressing him in his clothes the night before?

This is what I did with my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like you need a behavioral coach and an evaluation for a possible sensory disorder. The poor kid does not want to be like this, but clearly there is something about clothing that is distressing to his body sense. Start with an occupational therapist who has expertise in sensory processing disorders.

Meanwhile, act out getting ready for the day with his stuffed animals. Pretend one is the mommy and one is the child and act out the parts with him. See if you can get him to have the child say what it is thinking or feeling. You pretend to be the child animal and offer two choices, like the animal is too tired to get dressed or it doesn’t like the way the shirt feels. See if he picks one.

I can assure you that he is not doing this on purpose. Children want to please adults and his emotional overload in this is not pleasant. Good for you for trying to find a solution to help him.

This was my first thought. Good luck, OP, that sounds rough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like you need a behavioral coach and an evaluation for a possible sensory disorder. The poor kid does not want to be like this, but clearly there is something about clothing that is distressing to his body sense. Start with an occupational therapist who has expertise in sensory processing disorders.

Meanwhile, act out getting ready for the day with his stuffed animals. Pretend one is the mommy and one is the child and act out the parts with him. See if you can get him to have the child say what it is thinking or feeling. You pretend to be the child animal and offer two choices, like the animal is too tired to get dressed or it doesn’t like the way the shirt feels. See if he picks one.

I can assure you that he is not doing this on purpose. Children want to please adults and his emotional overload in this is not pleasant. Good for you for trying to find a solution to help him.

This was my first thought. Good luck, OP, that sounds rough.

I get that it sounds like that, but it's not like clothes in general bother him, and it doesn't always happen, and it's only recent. It seems to me like more of a control thing. But I guess there's always a possibility.

[Anonymous]

Your giving him too much power. If he doesn't want to get dressed, send him in jammies. Peer pressure will change the dynamics. Just make sure his hygiene (hair teeth, etc) are taken care of and don't sweat the rest. He is fighting you for the attention and you are giving it to him. He wins every time. Next time he fights you, ignore it and say "OK, let's go" take him as he is. He'll be confused and maybe think it's novel, maybe he chooses to fight with something else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please help if you've been through this...

My 3 year old son is impossible to get dressed and out the door in the morning or ever. We give him choices of two things to wear, he won't choose. We tell him he can choose anything in his drawer, he won't. We get angry and try to forcefully dress him, he freaks out, cries hysterically then peels the clothes off while crying anyway. We try to be sweet and calm, he just refuses to do anything and has a stand off with us. We have left the house with him in his underwear before, buckling him in sobbing crying, only to arrive at our destination and he still refuses to get dressed and we have to go back home.

Most days he will FINALLY give in, but this can (and does) last an hour or more sometimes, and leaves everyone pissed off and emotionally drained.

Even when he does get dressed, he likes to take his clothes off the minute he's back home, and wants to change a million times a day. Wants to wear weather-inappropriate things like thick sweaters in the summer heat, or thick warm Christmas pajamas in the heat, or casual play clothes to church.

I am assuming it's a control thing, but I just don't know what to do or how to break it. I CANNOT deal with this every morning once school starts.....

FWIW he is a joy and is a sweet child the rest of the time, pretty much. He just dropped his nap, we're expecting another child, so IDK if it's just a phase of lots of transition? HELPPPPP

Would he wear pjs to school? Can you afford a nanny? 3 year olds don't really have to go to school.

[Anonymous]

Lots of good suggestions here. Try to change your mindset away from catering to this as well.

Having a set schedule helps and maybe a visual schedule like preschools have. Wake up and change first (along with potty) and then come the parts of the morning he might enjoy more (playtime, breakfast, etc.) You can do a visual timer to show that the more time wasted on changing means less time for X.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That sounds really hard. Have you tried any of the following?

- making it into a game (who can get dressed first?)
- dressing him in his tomorrow clothes.the night before?
- Just let him wear his pajamas all day?
- Singing songs for each item? Just make up a tune about taking off pajamas?
- Have him watch a short video while you dress him (I know, screens are evil, could backfire, but worth trying if it can avoid an hour long standoff)

Wow!! This is how you create entitled snowflakes. Dance around your kids catering to all their childhood whims. My parents never did this and I refuse to. Sometimes in life sh!+ just has to get done and it's not comfortable or convenient for me - everyone needs to learn that lesson.