Three year old literally WILL NOT get dressed in the morning (or ever)

[Anonymous]

He sleeps in play clothes he can wear the next morning. It is not worth the fight. It is not worth your adult time. It won't be this way forever but it can be this way now. I would not go out the door in PJs, but you have plenty of other options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like you need a behavioral coach and an evaluation for a possible sensory disorder. The poor kid does not want to be like this, but clearly there is something about clothing that is distressing to his body sense. Start with an occupational therapist who has expertise in sensory processing disorders.

Meanwhile, act out getting ready for the day with his stuffed animals. Pretend one is the mommy and one is the child and act out the parts with him. See if you can get him to have the child say what it is thinking or feeling. You pretend to be the child animal and offer two choices, like the animal is too tired to get dressed or it doesn’t like the way the shirt feels. See if he picks one.

I can assure you that he is not doing this on purpose. Children want to please adults and his emotional overload in this is not pleasant. Good for you for trying to find a solution to help him.

This was my first thought. Good luck, OP, that sounds rough.

I get that it sounds like that, but it's not like clothes in general bother him, and it doesn't always happen, and it's only recent. It seems to me like more of a control thing. But I guess there's always a possibility.

Title says "three year old literally WILL NOT get dressing in the morning (or ever)."

I'm confused. Which is it? It doesn't always happen or he literally will not get dressed ever??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like you need a behavioral coach and an evaluation for a possible sensory disorder. The poor kid does not want to be like this, but clearly there is something about clothing that is distressing to his body sense. Start with an occupational therapist who has expertise in sensory processing disorders.

Meanwhile, act out getting ready for the day with his stuffed animals. Pretend one is the mommy and one is the child and act out the parts with him. See if you can get him to have the child say what it is thinking or feeling. You pretend to be the child animal and offer two choices, like the animal is too tired to get dressed or it doesn’t like the way the shirt feels. See if he picks one.

I can assure you that he is not doing this on purpose. Children want to please adults and his emotional overload in this is not pleasant. Good for you for trying to find a solution to help him.

This was my first thought. Good luck, OP, that sounds rough.

I get that it sounds like that, but it's not like clothes in general bother him, and it doesn't always happen, and it's only recent. It seems to me like more of a control thing. But I guess there's always a possibility.

Title says "three year old literally WILL NOT get dressing in the morning (or ever)."

I'm confused. Which is it? It doesn't always happen or he literally will not get dressed ever??

Weird comment. Let it go, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like you need a behavioral coach and an evaluation for a possible sensory disorder. The poor kid does not want to be like this, but clearly there is something about clothing that is distressing to his body sense. Start with an occupational therapist who has expertise in sensory processing disorders.

Meanwhile, act out getting ready for the day with his stuffed animals. Pretend one is the mommy and one is the child and act out the parts with him. See if you can get him to have the child say what it is thinking or feeling. You pretend to be the child animal and offer two choices, like the animal is too tired to get dressed or it doesn’t like the way the shirt feels. See if he picks one.

I can assure you that he is not doing this on purpose. Children want to please adults and his emotional overload in this is not pleasant. Good for you for trying to find a solution to help him.

This was my first thought. Good luck, OP, that sounds rough.

I get that it sounds like that, but it's not like clothes in general bother him, and it doesn't always happen, and it's only recent. It seems to me like more of a control thing. But I guess there's always a possibility.

Title says "three year old literally WILL NOT get dressing in the morning (or ever)."

I'm confused. Which is it? It doesn't always happen or he literally will not get dressed ever??

Weird comment. Let it go, PP.

Not weird. It makes a huge difference in what the appropriate response it. Is this situational or always?

[Anonymous]

It's very relevant (and I'm not the PP). If OP can identify when it does happen and when it doesn't, then maybe she can brainstorm alternative solutions.

I second going to sleep in clothes for the next day and also sending kiddo in PJ's if the school can tolerate that.

[Anonymous]

We did the dress in clothes (cotton sweatpants / cotton tee shirt) after bath.... mostly just to save time in the morning.

[Anonymous]

Yeah if this only happened since the nap was dropped, its less likely a sensory thing.

Social story and a laminated checklist that he can use himself and be in control of.

[Anonymous]

Get kid evaluated for autism. Kid riding in car in underwear and being driven home is not NT. Unless getting dressed means going somewhere where kid is abused.

[Anonymous]

Get a nanny or daycare. Dicipline

[Anonymous]

I let my 3yo wear pajamas out and about for a few months when he resisted clothes. I only insisted for church. He grew out of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of good suggestions here. Try to change your mindset away from catering to this as well.

Having a set schedule helps and maybe a visual schedule like preschools have. Wake up and change first (along with potty) and then come the parts of the morning he might enjoy more (playtime, breakfast, etc.) You can do a visual timer to show that the more time wasted on changing means less time for X.

PP and just wanted to add that that "two choices" thing NEVER worked for us. My kids would say No or just ignore the choices. It's my least favorite parenting advice. For basic things, less decisionmaking is better when they are really young.

My least favorite parenting advice too. I'm assuming it must work for someone or it wouldn't be constantly suggested. But I don't know anyone in real life who has actually had success with this.

[Anonymous]

We gamify for my son. He is more agreeable when we are in a good mood. He loves these:
-one page of a book for one price of clothing
-having his stuffed animals “dress” him
-silly voices/songs
-pretending he’s in a shoe store

We also set a timer so he knows it is coming and will have to take a break from playing or whatever. We found he was more amenable to changing after breakfast and a little bit of playtime.

Lastly, we give consequences like a toy goes away if he won’t get dressed/undressed. Don’t send him in PJs. He has to learn how to do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get a nanny or daycare. Dicipline

Two of those things are different. They would be outsourcing discipline...lol

How about compassion and kindness? Kid has only been on this rock for 3 short years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of good suggestions here. Try to change your mindset away from catering to this as well.

Having a set schedule helps and maybe a visual schedule like preschools have. Wake up and change first (along with potty) and then come the parts of the morning he might enjoy more (playtime, breakfast, etc.) You can do a visual timer to show that the more time wasted on changing means less time for X.

PP and just wanted to add that that "two choices" thing NEVER worked for us. My kids would say No or just ignore the choices. It's my least favorite parenting advice. For basic things, less decisionmaking is better when they are really young.

My least favorite parenting advice too. I'm assuming it must work for someone or it wouldn't be constantly suggested. But I don't know anyone in real life who has actually had success with this.

It worked for me. There. One person you know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did he do this before you dropped the nap?

Not at all.

NP. We went through this with our toddler. Turns out, getting dressed signaled to him the start of leaving us for the day, and he was going through a little bit of separation anxiety.

We started to slow everything down. Extra cuddles, etc. I like the PPs' suggestions of cutting down morning decisionmaking, like either dressing him in next day's clothes for bed, or having an outfit already picked out.

If your kid is talking, could you ask him what he's feeling? And figure out what need underlies that feeling? It may sound like coddling to some, but we realized our kid needed some more connection in the morning. And that was it. The phase passed.

I wonder if yours is feeling that need as well - you may be doing everything as usual, but he may be having big feelings about the little sibling coming along (and/or the end of naptime).

Good luck to you!