DD taking risk with strangers

[Anonymous]

Is she bipolar or just incredibly stupid? She’s an adult though and nothing you can do. I doubt the guy from work would be a serial killer.

[Anonymous]

Cut off her tuition? Not get her degree? And be dependent on some man?

[Anonymous]

What do you mean she “was caught” walking through cities alone at 11pm? How did you catch her, and why are you trying? You need to majorly back off, OP. These are very minor risks in the scheme of things that college kids do. You would be APPALLED by what I did at that age.

[Anonymous]

Cut the cord mom. Some of us were traveling the world by ourselves after college, with no cell phones or internet and no inexpensive way to keep in touch with our families. They had no clue where we were. It’s called living.

[Anonymous]

If my parents new half of how I lived from 20-23, including with strangers, they’d have had heart attacks. It all worked out and ended in more degrees, nice/safe husband, and a couple kids. There is nothing you can change at this point OP, other than maintain your relationship with your daughter and try to be someone she feels safe going to if she needs help. That means you are safe, unconditionally loving, non judgmental, on her team. I never went to my mom when I needed help because she was super judgmental and everything was about how it made her feel or look.

[Anonymous]

At the most, instead of threatening to not pay for things, maybe make it a requirement that DD takes BJJ or self defense martial art.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At the most, instead of threatening to not pay for things, maybe make it a requirement that DD takes BJJ or self defense martial art.

Meant “or other martial art”

[Anonymous]

We can’t walk outside past 11 PM? Huh?

[Anonymous]

So if she drive two hours with her new friend from work to the family’s house in Bethany it would be any better? She’d still be with a male person she doesn’t know very well and could still be date raped or something. Or that only happens in poor rural areas?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hire someone to fake mug her, or to stage a fake violent attack for her to witness.

J. Walter Weatherman in the house!

“And THAT’S why you don’t go to farms,”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sure what to do, my only "leverage" is one more year of college that I will be paying for.
DD goes off with strangers, but she thinks that they are safe because she has known them for say, five days at work. The last young man encouraged her to drive 2 hours away to W. Va. to meet an his family, she told me how they actually had to turn down a dirt road to get to the house. There, the family seems to be survivalists complete with poultry and a cow that they planned to slaughter. She had no idea that the house was so isolated or that they lived on a compound.
She has been caught walking through cities at 11 pm at night to meet up with friends. Jogs through parks alone. Dog walking in isolated places. Pepper spray, but buried deep in purses.
There is always a new boyfriend that involves driving hours to go see.
It is next to impossible to talk to her. When I was younger (but much older than she is), I took some risks too. However, I was not so confident that I would be OK. And when I was warned, I listened.
I am really scared, thinking of forcing her to allow me to speak to her therapist to inform him of the risks that she takes, or else no tuition next year.

You're describing going to a farm.

I just want to say that the first response to pretty much any thread on this site is always hilarious and just golden

[Anonymous]

You needed to have started her off watching Special Victims Unit in her elementary school years, like my parents did to me. Scared me straight, almost.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sure what to do, my only "leverage" is one more year of college that I will be paying for.
DD goes off with strangers, but she thinks that they are safe because she has known them for say, five days at work. The last young man encouraged her to drive 2 hours away to W. Va. to meet an his family, she told me how they actually had to turn down a dirt road to get to the house. There, the family seems to be survivalists complete with poultry and a cow that they planned to slaughter. She had no idea that the house was so isolated or that they lived on a compound.
She has been caught walking through cities at 11 pm at night to meet up with friends. Jogs through parks alone. Dog walking in isolated places. Pepper spray, but buried deep in purses.
There is always a new boyfriend that involves driving hours to go see.
It is next to impossible to talk to her. When I was younger (but much older than she is), I took some risks too. However, I was not so confident that I would be OK. And when I was warned, I listened.
I am really scared, thinking of forcing her to allow me to speak to her therapist to inform him of the risks that she takes, or else no tuition next year.

You're describing going to a farm.

[Anonymous]

We had a farm with dirt roads and my two old Aunts also lived on the property in a smaller house together. Growing up I would have been mortified to have us described as “survivalists” — though I suppose we were as we could have lived off just the land and everyone owned guns for hunting (hello, Pennsylvania)!

My dad ran the farm, but my mom had an office job and my brother became a doctor.

So, yeah. It doesn’t sound too weird to me. But I also let my teen walk the dog in DC at 11PM.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like she has self-esteem issues if she's constantly chasing boys across state lines and engaging in other risk-seeking behavior. Whatever her therapist is telling her doesn't seem to be working.

Her current environment isn't helping her make good choices. Cutting her off risks causing her to get worse, but she can't get better until she gets out of her current circumstances. I don't know how much longer she has until she graduates, but I'd be reluctant to subsidize such poor behavior.