DD taking risk with strangers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not sure what to do, my only "leverage" is one more year of college that I will be paying for.
DD goes off with strangers, but she thinks that they are safe because she has known them for say, five days at work. The last young man encouraged her to drive 2 hours away to W. Va. to meet an his family, she told me how they actually had to turn down a dirt road to get to the house. There, the family seems to be survivalists complete with poultry and a cow that they planned to slaughter. She had no idea that the house was so isolated or that they lived on a compound.
She has been caught walking through cities at 11 pm at night to meet up with friends. Jogs through parks alone. Dog walking in isolated places. Pepper spray, but buried deep in purses.
There is always a new boyfriend that involves driving hours to go see.
It is next to impossible to talk to her. When I was younger (but much older than she is), I took some risks too. However, I was not so confident that I would be OK. And when I was warned, I listened.
I am really scared, thinking of forcing her to allow me to speak to her therapist to inform him of the risks that she takes, or else no tuition next year.

Wow. These are all things I did in my 20s. This will blow your mind OP. I met my husband online and got in a car with him and drove off on a first date. I also traveled alone in international cities in my 20s several times.

I think it is very important to always tell other people where you are AND listen to your gut and intuition. But my opinion is you are over involved and butt out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We can’t track her, so I’ve asked her to allow her friends to do so. They are, for the most part, clueless but it’s better than nothing. The young man was in the car with her directing her to his family home. She had just flown in from out of town that morning, then hopped out with him. She now admits that he is strange…so she didn’t really know him. She was walking through isolated parts of Baltimore alone at night. We put an end to that by refusing to pay for her phone.

How do you know about any of this? I'm so confused. Is she telling you? She should for sure stop.

[Anonymous]

Who cares about who “is still alive to tell@ what they did in college. Every day women are killed, mostly by men. Some are strangers and most are men that the women thought that they knew well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sure what to do, my only "leverage" is one more year of college that I will be paying for.
DD goes off with strangers, but she thinks that they are safe because she has known them for say, five days at work. The last young man encouraged her to drive 2 hours away to W. Va. to meet an his family, she told me how they actually had to turn down a dirt road to get to the house. There, the family seems to be survivalists complete with poultry and a cow that they planned to slaughter. She had no idea that the house was so isolated or that they lived on a compound.
She has been caught walking through cities at 11 pm at night to meet up with friends. Jogs through parks alone. Dog walking in isolated places. Pepper spray, but buried deep in purses.
There is always a new boyfriend that involves driving hours to go see.
It is next to impossible to talk to her. When I was younger (but much older than she is), I took some risks too. However, I was not so confident that I would be OK. And when I was warned, I listened.
I am really scared, thinking of forcing her to allow me to speak to her therapist to inform him of the risks that she takes, or else no tuition next year.

You're describing going to a farm.

Glad I wasn’t the only one thinking it.

It wasn’t a farm. It was a compound with multiple family members living on the same plot. Isolated. She didn’t know a thing about it until she got there.

You’re still describing a farm.

And a good deal of WV. Every place in WV I’ve ever gone except the University has been down a dirt road.

Next time she'll go to Wheeeee-lin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who cares about who “is still alive to tell@ what they did in college. Every day women are killed, mostly by men. Some are strangers and most are men that the women thought that they knew well.

Some of you really need to get a grip. The world is not out to get you.

[Anonymous]

When she was walking in cities at 11pm to meet friends, how did her friends get to the destination? Can you give her a monthly Uber allowance? Even if she has the money to pay for an Uber, it's not something she wants to spend money on, but she may be willing to spend your money

To solve the outdoor exercise part, you could provide her with a gym membership and money to join a running club.

[Anonymous]

I never knew I grew up in a cult on a compound, instead of on a farm next to my grandma and uncles. We had the common decency to gravel our road.

[Anonymous]

My dad always said I was born "without a fear chip". I am 47 and still go running at night by myself. I am alive and fine. You need to see someone about your anxiety and the fact that you are still attempting to helicopter parent a 20+ year old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When she was walking in cities at 11pm to meet friends, how did her friends get to the destination? Can you give her a monthly Uber allowance? Even if she has the money to pay for an Uber, it's not something she wants to spend money on, but she may be willing to spend your money

To solve the outdoor exercise part, you could provide her with a gym membership and money to join a running club.

I love this assumption that getting into a car with a stranger is safer than walking at night. My only advice for OP is to tell her daughter to stop telling her things.

[Anonymous]

Seems pretty normal compared to all of the stuff we did in our early 20s. The difference is that my parents didn’t know every detail and there were no tracking devices.

It is good that she trusts you enough to tell you things - to what sounds like her detriment. I would focus on preserving your relationship with her and stop threatening to quit paying for things over normal young adult behavior.

[Anonymous]

I would also worry about a young woman with this judgement, especially if she drinks alcohol.

Perhaps your best chance is to try to get her to go on some of these adventures with a female friend. But you can no longer control her( or even know start she does ). I understand your concerns.

Writing to the therapist is a good idea. He/she will probably need to inform her of the communication but they might have clinical insight into how to help her protect herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We can’t track her, so I’ve asked her to allow her friends to do so. They are, for the most part, clueless but it’s better than nothing. The young man was in the car with her directing her to his family home. She had just flown in from out of town that morning, then hopped out with him. She now admits that he is strange…so she didn’t really know him. She was walking through isolated parts of Baltimore alone at night. We put an end to that by refusing to pay for her phone.

I ran and walked around Baltimore at night all of the time in College. In retrospect probably not the best idea but I lived to tell the tale.

Super dangerous, especially for a woman.

Ate some of you oblivious to how many women get raped everyday in our country? Who would wish that or abduction/murder on their daughter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hire someone to fake mug her, or to stage a fake violent attack for her to witness.

OMG, you are scary and sick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maryland has a lot of dirt roads that lead to houses. Don't visit the eastern shore if you don't want to drive on a dirt road. Many half million dollar or more homes are on dirt roads.

In Northern Michigan you can tell how rich a person is by how much dirt they have on their car, due to the very long dirt road that leads to their lakeside "cottage."

I still say that you're describing a farm.

[Anonymous]

OP, your anxiety about this isn't helping her at all. You can voice your concerns but do not ask to track her movements. Do not get her an Uber account or a gym membership. Curious, did she buy the pepper spray herself?