how to tell 10 yo they have to change schools

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dont' phrase it as "has to change schools" but "GETS to change schools" - to one that can better help her with her anxiety-driven outbursts so they're less frequent, and less intense when they happen. I'd tell her a week before school ends so she has time to say goodbye to people.

But this is a lie? Public school isn't going to help her with this.

Public schools have a lot more resources to throw at kids than privates.

That doesn't mean they're going to help her, or that it's why she's going.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised a private school is having a kid move on because of this and that they waited until now when it’s too late to apply to a different private school. I’m sorry OP, it sounds like either your daughter’s behavior is severe or your private is horrible.

I think I would tell her that she can’t stay due to her behavior and hopefully this will make her amenable to counseling.

We actually hadn't heard anything about her behavior until yesterday despite three parent-teacher conferences where they claimed everything was just fine. Now, apparently, it's a crisis, so I have to take the afternoon off to pack up all her books, because I'm at a loss of what else I can take away from her.

This is crazy. Can she stay through the end of the year? Was there an incident causing injury? I’m really sorry and can understand why you are upset OP.

She's staying through the end of the year, yes. And no injuries. She just burst into tears into math class yesterday because another classmate was singing under her breath and she couldn't hear the teacher. She corned the girl during recess and asked that she stop singing, girl refused, so she cried again on the playground. Straw that broke the camel's back for the admin. And I agree! She should not be crying in public or telling other students what to do.

This seems like a troll.

Glad you don't have a child who can't control her emotions.

Pp probably knows how to parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised a private school is having a kid move on because of this and that they waited until now when it’s too late to apply to a different private school. I’m sorry OP, it sounds like either your daughter’s behavior is severe or your private is horrible.

I think I would tell her that she can’t stay due to her behavior and hopefully this will make her amenable to counseling.

We actually hadn't heard anything about her behavior until yesterday despite three parent-teacher conferences where they claimed everything was just fine. Now, apparently, it's a crisis, so I have to take the afternoon off to pack up all her books, because I'm at a loss of what else I can take away from her.

Well now we know where she got the melodrama from!

Don't take away her books! Think of the transition as a chance to start fresh. If the private school wasn't specific about DD's issues, ask them for specific issues so you can work on them with your DD over the summer.

She doesn't have anything left to take. She's already lost access to her devices and bike, and until she can show that she can sit down and study and or practice, she's not getting them back.

OP you need parenting classes/therapy. It sounds like you punish for everything to the point where there is no joy in your lives but never actually teach her HOW to do the things you expect. Shes not going to just be able to sit down and study because you take away her bike.

I actually tried parenting classes five years ago. They were not helpful - I know I am not supposed to shake my baby or get drunk and do cocaine in front of my kids.

But yes, I do punish them for not doing the things they're supposed to be doing. We tried telling and showing, and she didn't want to listen - just ignore and go off and do something more interesting. Well, newsflash, life isn't interesting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised a private school is having a kid move on because of this and that they waited until now when it’s too late to apply to a different private school. I’m sorry OP, it sounds like either your daughter’s behavior is severe or your private is horrible.

I think I would tell her that she can’t stay due to her behavior and hopefully this will make her amenable to counseling.

We actually hadn't heard anything about her behavior until yesterday despite three parent-teacher conferences where they claimed everything was just fine. Now, apparently, it's a crisis, so I have to take the afternoon off to pack up all her books, because I'm at a loss of what else I can take away from her.

This is crazy. Can she stay through the end of the year? Was there an incident causing injury? I’m really sorry and can understand why you are upset OP.

She's staying through the end of the year, yes. And no injuries. She just burst into tears into math class yesterday because another classmate was singing under her breath and she couldn't hear the teacher. She corned the girl during recess and asked that she stop singing, girl refused, so she cried again on the playground. Straw that broke the camel's back for the admin. And I agree! She should not be crying in public or telling other students what to do.

This seems like a troll.

Glad you don't have a child who can't control her emotions.

Pp probably knows how to parent.

Unlikely. It's always the parents of perfect children who are this smug.

[Anonymous]

OP, it's possible that she'll do better in public school where teachers are more used to dealing with neurodiverse kids and there are more options for friend groups. I'd consider pulling off the bandaid and switching her now so she doesn't keep struggling. It stinks to be in a school where you aren't supported by the teachers and other kids are intentionally doing things to upset you (bullying). Switching now will give her some time to start making friends before the summer and keep her from being anxious about the switch all summer. If not, I'd at least start trying to loop her into that social scene and school community. Maybe attend a school play or look at summer camps associated with the school?

Before she starts, I'd reach out to the guidance counselor and see if you can get some supports for a new and anxious student. Maybe they'd assign her a buddy to introduce her to friends? I'd also try to talk to teachers so they understand how best to support her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised a private school is having a kid move on because of this and that they waited until now when it’s too late to apply to a different private school. I’m sorry OP, it sounds like either your daughter’s behavior is severe or your private is horrible.

I think I would tell her that she can’t stay due to her behavior and hopefully this will make her amenable to counseling.

We actually hadn't heard anything about her behavior until yesterday despite three parent-teacher conferences where they claimed everything was just fine. Now, apparently, it's a crisis, so I have to take the afternoon off to pack up all her books, because I'm at a loss of what else I can take away from her.

This is crazy. Can she stay through the end of the year? Was there an incident causing injury? I’m really sorry and can understand why you are upset OP.

She's staying through the end of the year, yes. And no injuries. She just burst into tears into math class yesterday because another classmate was singing under her breath and she couldn't hear the teacher. She corned the girl during recess and asked that she stop singing, girl refused, so she cried again on the playground. Straw that broke the camel's back for the admin. And I agree! She should not be crying in public or telling other students what to do.

This seems like a troll.

Glad you don't have a child who can't control her emotions.

Pp probably knows how to parent.

Unlikely. It's always the parents of perfect children who are this smug.

Again, they know how to parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised a private school is having a kid move on because of this and that they waited until now when it’s too late to apply to a different private school. I’m sorry OP, it sounds like either your daughter’s behavior is severe or your private is horrible.

I think I would tell her that she can’t stay due to her behavior and hopefully this will make her amenable to counseling.

We actually hadn't heard anything about her behavior until yesterday despite three parent-teacher conferences where they claimed everything was just fine. Now, apparently, it's a crisis, so I have to take the afternoon off to pack up all her books, because I'm at a loss of what else I can take away from her.

This is crazy. Can she stay through the end of the year? Was there an incident causing injury? I’m really sorry and can understand why you are upset OP.

She's staying through the end of the year, yes. And no injuries. She just burst into tears into math class yesterday because another classmate was singing under her breath and she couldn't hear the teacher. She corned the girl during recess and asked that she stop singing, girl refused, so she cried again on the playground. Straw that broke the camel's back for the admin. And I agree! She should not be crying in public or telling other students what to do.

This seems like a troll.

Glad you don't have a child who can't control her emotions.

Pp probably knows how to parent.

Unlikely. It's always the parents of perfect children who are this smug.

If a child is perfect, you don’t think the parenting has something to do with it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised a private school is having a kid move on because of this and that they waited until now when it’s too late to apply to a different private school. I’m sorry OP, it sounds like either your daughter’s behavior is severe or your private is horrible.

I think I would tell her that she can’t stay due to her behavior and hopefully this will make her amenable to counseling.

We actually hadn't heard anything about her behavior until yesterday despite three parent-teacher conferences where they claimed everything was just fine. Now, apparently, it's a crisis, so I have to take the afternoon off to pack up all her books, because I'm at a loss of what else I can take away from her.

This is crazy. Can she stay through the end of the year? Was there an incident causing injury? I’m really sorry and can understand why you are upset OP.

She's staying through the end of the year, yes. And no injuries. She just burst into tears into math class yesterday because another classmate was singing under her breath and she couldn't hear the teacher. She corned the girl during recess and asked that she stop singing, girl refused, so she cried again on the playground. Straw that broke the camel's back for the admin. And I agree! She should not be crying in public or telling other students what to do.

This seems like a troll.

Glad you don't have a child who can't control her emotions.

Pp probably knows how to parent.

Unlikely. It's always the parents of perfect children who are this smug.

If a child is perfect, you don’t think the parenting has something to do with it?

It's generally luck. I have two perfect kids and one problem child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again.

And I guess the other question is, how do we help her in a future where she won't any friends? I would never let my child be friends with someone who was kicked out of school, so I am sure the parents in her new public will feel the same.

Nobody needs to know she was kicked out. "My parents switched me to this school because they thought it would be a better fit for me. I'm excited to be here. No uniforms - I like your shirt by the way ..."

Yeah, that's going to be tough. She loves her uniform and is really rigid about the clothes she wears outside of school. They're definitely not "cool" and I worry her being bullied over them.

"New school, new opportunities." Just buy her what you want her to wear and put it in her drawers. You can give her a "uniform" of sorts where it's jeans and the same top just in different colors, and then leggings on x two days or whatever. Sounds like she craves routine.

[Anonymous]

You are really blaming your daughter for this. There is also blame for the school--they aren't helping her learn to manage her behavior and appropriate responses. I'm sure your daughter doesn't want to be in tears multiple times a day.

I'd flip the script and realize that this school isn't meeting her needs. She sounds miserable. Time for a new start.

[Anonymous]

You sound horrible and mean to your own child, OP.

Life IS interesting and you should be enjoying it with her and showing her the wonder in the world. Do you engage her at all or just order her around? Do you go on nature walks and talk to her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised a private school is having a kid move on because of this and that they waited until now when it’s too late to apply to a different private school. I’m sorry OP, it sounds like either your daughter’s behavior is severe or your private is horrible.

I think I would tell her that she can’t stay due to her behavior and hopefully this will make her amenable to counseling.

We actually hadn't heard anything about her behavior until yesterday despite three parent-teacher conferences where they claimed everything was just fine. Now, apparently, it's a crisis, so I have to take the afternoon off to pack up all her books, because I'm at a loss of what else I can take away from her.

This is crazy. Can she stay through the end of the year? Was there an incident causing injury? I’m really sorry and can understand why you are upset OP.

She's staying through the end of the year, yes. And no injuries. She just burst into tears into math class yesterday because another classmate was singing under her breath and she couldn't hear the teacher. She corned the girl during recess and asked that she stop singing, girl refused, so she cried again on the playground. Straw that broke the camel's back for the admin. And I agree! She should not be crying in public or telling other students what to do.

This seems like a troll.

Glad you don't have a child who can't control her emotions.

Pp probably knows how to parent.

Unlikely. It's always the parents of perfect children who are this smug.

If a child is perfect, you don’t think the parenting has something to do with it?

It's generally luck. I have two perfect kids and one problem child.

No parental influence. Let’s just stop parenting since it’s luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound horrible and mean to your own child, OP.

Life IS interesting and you should be enjoying it with her and showing her the wonder in the world. Do you engage her at all or just order her around? Do you go on nature walks and talk to her?

We go on at least three trips a month to interesting places, museums, parks, play, whatever. She gets a ton of opportunities to see the world, but she also needs to buckle down and study and practice. If I sound horrible and mean, it's because I thought we'd worked all this out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised a private school is having a kid move on because of this and that they waited until now when it’s too late to apply to a different private school. I’m sorry OP, it sounds like either your daughter’s behavior is severe or your private is horrible.

I think I would tell her that she can’t stay due to her behavior and hopefully this will make her amenable to counseling.

We actually hadn't heard anything about her behavior until yesterday despite three parent-teacher conferences where they claimed everything was just fine. Now, apparently, it's a crisis, so I have to take the afternoon off to pack up all her books, because I'm at a loss of what else I can take away from her.

This is crazy. Can she stay through the end of the year? Was there an incident causing injury? I’m really sorry and can understand why you are upset OP.

She's staying through the end of the year, yes. And no injuries. She just burst into tears into math class yesterday because another classmate was singing under her breath and she couldn't hear the teacher. She corned the girl during recess and asked that she stop singing, girl refused, so she cried again on the playground. Straw that broke the camel's back for the admin. And I agree! She should not be crying in public or telling other students what to do.

This seems like a troll.

Glad you don't have a child who can't control her emotions.

Pp probably knows how to parent.

Unlikely. It's always the parents of perfect children who are this smug.

If a child is perfect, you don’t think the parenting has something to do with it?

It's generally luck. I have two perfect kids and one problem child.

No parental influence. Let’s just stop parenting since it’s luck.

I parented them ALL the same way. It's only DD who has issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dont' phrase it as "has to change schools" but "GETS to change schools" - to one that can better help her with her anxiety-driven outbursts so they're less frequent, and less intense when they happen. I'd tell her a week before school ends so she has time to say goodbye to people.

But this is a lie? Public school isn't going to help her with this.

Public schools have a lot more resources to throw at kids than privates.

That doesn't mean they're going to help her, or that it's why she's going.

It doesn't mean they're not. Stop being so negative about this. Your child has an illness. It causes her to behave in a way that is annoying to you and others around her. You're punishing her for the symptoms of her illness. You need parenting classes because you've been disciplining the same way over and over and it's not working. So you need to learn new ways to discipline. You know the latin root of the word "discipline" is instruction/teach. It's not punish, which is what you're focusing on. Whether you get different parenting classes or a family therapist who can help you to help your daughter, it's very clear you need outside help. WHAT YOU ARE DOING IS NOT WORKING. Can't you see that?