how to tell 10 yo they have to change schools

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised a private school is having a kid move on because of this and that they waited until now when it’s too late to apply to a different private school. I’m sorry OP, it sounds like either your daughter’s behavior is severe or your private is horrible.

I think I would tell her that she can’t stay due to her behavior and hopefully this will make her amenable to counseling.

We actually hadn't heard anything about her behavior until yesterday despite three parent-teacher conferences where they claimed everything was just fine. Now, apparently, it's a crisis, so I have to take the afternoon off to pack up all her books, because I'm at a loss of what else I can take away from her.

This is crazy. Can she stay through the end of the year? Was there an incident causing injury? I’m really sorry and can understand why you are upset OP.

She's staying through the end of the year, yes. And no injuries. She just burst into tears into math class yesterday because another classmate was singing under her breath and she couldn't hear the teacher. She corned the girl during recess and asked that she stop singing, girl refused, so she cried again on the playground. Straw that broke the camel's back for the admin. And I agree! She should not be crying in public or telling other students what to do.

This seems like a troll.

Glad you don't have a child who can't control her emotions.

Pp probably knows how to parent.

Unlikely. It's always the parents of perfect children who are this smug.

If a child is perfect, you don’t think the parenting has something to do with it?

It's generally luck. I have two perfect kids and one problem child.

No parental influence. Let’s just stop parenting since it’s luck.

I parented them ALL the same way. It's only DD who has issues.

Then you need to adjust.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised a private school is having a kid move on because of this and that they waited until now when it’s too late to apply to a different private school. I’m sorry OP, it sounds like either your daughter’s behavior is severe or your private is horrible.

I think I would tell her that she can’t stay due to her behavior and hopefully this will make her amenable to counseling.

We actually hadn't heard anything about her behavior until yesterday despite three parent-teacher conferences where they claimed everything was just fine. Now, apparently, it's a crisis, so I have to take the afternoon off to pack up all her books, because I'm at a loss of what else I can take away from her.

Well now we know where she got the melodrama from!

Don't take away her books! Think of the transition as a chance to start fresh. If the private school wasn't specific about DD's issues, ask them for specific issues so you can work on them with your DD over the summer.

She doesn't have anything left to take. She's already lost access to her devices and bike, and until she can show that she can sit down and study and or practice, she's not getting them back.

OP you need parenting classes/therapy. It sounds like you punish for everything to the point where there is no joy in your lives but never actually teach her HOW to do the things you expect. Shes not going to just be able to sit down and study because you take away her bike.

I actually tried parenting classes five years ago. They were not helpful - I know I am not supposed to shake my baby or get drunk and do cocaine in front of my kids.

But yes, I do punish them for not doing the things they're supposed to be doing. We tried telling and showing, and she didn't want to listen - just ignore and go off and do something more interesting. Well, newsflash, life isn't interesting.

Dude! She’s a child!!!!!

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:You sound horrible and mean to your own child, OP.

Life IS interesting and you should be enjoying it with her and showing her the wonder in the world. Do you engage her at all or just order her around? Do you go on nature walks and talk to her?

We go on at least three trips a month to interesting places, museums, parks, play, whatever. She gets a ton of opportunities to see the world, but she also needs to buckle down and study and practice. If I sound horrible and mean, it's because I thought we'd worked all this out.

Dude, and you wonder why your daughter is so rigid?!? It runs in the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD10 has very low frustration tolerance. We've had several assessments, but nothing has turned up beyond "mild anxiety" for which she has been in unsuccessful therapy. Unfortunately, her private school is no longer willing to handle her outbursts and has suggested she go public next year.

She will be devastated. And obviously, she'll blame herself. What can we do to make this transition better for her?

Well, she has herself to blame. My suggestion is work with that. Behavior has consequences. This is a teaching moment.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised a private school is having a kid move on because of this and that they waited until now when it’s too late to apply to a different private school. I’m sorry OP, it sounds like either your daughter’s behavior is severe or your private is horrible.

I think I would tell her that she can’t stay due to her behavior and hopefully this will make her amenable to counseling.

We actually hadn't heard anything about her behavior until yesterday despite three parent-teacher conferences where they claimed everything was just fine. Now, apparently, it's a crisis, so I have to take the afternoon off to pack up all her books, because I'm at a loss of what else I can take away from her.

This is crazy. Can she stay through the end of the year? Was there an incident causing injury? I’m really sorry and can understand why you are upset OP.

She's staying through the end of the year, yes. And no injuries. She just burst into tears into math class yesterday because another classmate was singing under her breath and she couldn't hear the teacher. She corned the girl during recess and asked that she stop singing, girl refused, so she cried again on the playground. Straw that broke the camel's back for the admin. And I agree! She should not be crying in public or telling other students what to do.

This seems like a troll.

Glad you don't have a child who can't control her emotions.

Pp probably knows how to parent.

Unlikely. It's always the parents of perfect children who are this smug.

If a child is perfect, you don’t think the parenting has something to do with it?

I have an ADHD kid with trouble regulating his emotions (but improving with therapy!) and some social communication struggles. He is a constant source of worry for me, I am always wondering if he is going to be okay and if I’m doing things right with him.

I have another kid who is an all around superstar - socially, athletically, and academically. Kids clamor to play with him, and teachers and coaches love having him on the team and in their classrooms. Kids and adults just light up when he walks in.

I might think that was just how kids and adults reacted to other kids! If it weren’t for the stark contrast of how neutral everyone acts when my older son walks in.

It’s nothing to do with my parenting. Trust me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here. I don’t think it’s a terrible thing for your DD to blame herself. She needs to work on being more flexible and patient, right? I mean, you’re not excusing her behavior, are you? You do want her to grow, right?

It’s good to take responsibility for one’s behavior, and it’s actually empowering to realize that we can change our mindset and behavior to achieve desired outcomes.

Yes, I actually think it's awful for a child to blame herself because we haven't been able to obtain a diagnosis and therefore she hasn't had appropriate treatment.

Maybe there's nothing to diagnose. Maybe she's just a brat? Not all poor behavior gets excused by some clinical diagnosis. Some kids are just little shits.

[Anonymous]

You said it. THEY can’t handle her outbursts. You tell her that the current school is not the best fit for her needs and that your family has chosen for her to attend a different school that you hope will be a better fit.

You don’t blame her or let her think it’s her fault. You don’t bad mouth the school you are leaving. It’s just not a good fit.

Don’t dismiss or diminish her sadness. It is hard to leave your friends. It can be hard to do new things. Acknowledge that her feelings are real and justified. Also acknowledge that she may not understand your choice, but you are doing what you think is best for her in the long run.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised a private school is having a kid move on because of this and that they waited until now when it’s too late to apply to a different private school. I’m sorry OP, it sounds like either your daughter’s behavior is severe or your private is horrible.

I think I would tell her that she can’t stay due to her behavior and hopefully this will make her amenable to counseling.

We actually hadn't heard anything about her behavior until yesterday despite three parent-teacher conferences where they claimed everything was just fine. Now, apparently, it's a crisis, so I have to take the afternoon off to pack up all her books, because I'm at a loss of what else I can take away from her.

This is crazy. Can she stay through the end of the year? Was there an incident causing injury? I’m really sorry and can understand why you are upset OP.

She's staying through the end of the year, yes. And no injuries. She just burst into tears into math class yesterday because another classmate was singing under her breath and she couldn't hear the teacher. She corned the girl during recess and asked that she stop singing, girl refused, so she cried again on the playground. Straw that broke the camel's back for the admin. And I agree! She should not be crying in public or telling other students what to do.

If this merits getting kicked out of school several kids from my child’s fourth grade class would be gone. This is shocking. I think I would demand more explanation from the school and offer to take her to counseling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised a private school is having a kid move on because of this and that they waited until now when it’s too late to apply to a different private school. I’m sorry OP, it sounds like either your daughter’s behavior is severe or your private is horrible.

I think I would tell her that she can’t stay due to her behavior and hopefully this will make her amenable to counseling.

We actually hadn't heard anything about her behavior until yesterday despite three parent-teacher conferences where they claimed everything was just fine. Now, apparently, it's a crisis, so I have to take the afternoon off to pack up all her books, because I'm at a loss of what else I can take away from her.

This is crazy. Can she stay through the end of the year? Was there an incident causing injury? I’m really sorry and can understand why you are upset OP.

She's staying through the end of the year, yes. And no injuries. She just burst into tears into math class yesterday because another classmate was singing under her breath and she couldn't hear the teacher. She corned the girl during recess and asked that she stop singing, girl refused, so she cried again on the playground. Straw that broke the camel's back for the admin. And I agree! She should not be crying in public or telling other students what to do.

If this merits getting kicked out of school several kids from my child’s fourth grade class would be gone. This is shocking. I think I would demand more explanation from the school and offer to take her to counseling.

My kid would be gone too. Her various teachers at public have been working with her for years on not getting overly dramatic when she feels under stress about something - and not being able to hear the teacher or getting a snippy response from a classmate would 100% stress her out. Her teachers have always been so understanding, even though I can only imagine how annoying it must be dealing with that in a class of 28 kids+. We work on it at home, but it's slow going.

[Anonymous]

We switched schools to private from mcps during Covid. I know it’s a different situation but we just told our kid, then 9 that we were switching schools for a better fit and because they had a plan for Covid. I’m sure she was sad but after a year of homeschool she was also happy to be in person.
If your kid is crying every day she’s not happy. She might be relieved to switch schools. It’s how you frame it to her.
Grounding and discipline doesn’t seem to be working so try other methods at home. Maybe an incentive reward chart. Change the consequences to something for bad behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD10 has very low frustration tolerance. We've had several assessments, but nothing has turned up beyond "mild anxiety" for which she has been in unsuccessful therapy. Unfortunately, her private school is no longer willing to handle her outbursts and has suggested she go public next year.

She will be devastated. And obviously, she'll blame herself. What can we do to make this transition better for her?

Well, she has herself to blame. My suggestion is work with that. Behavior has consequences. This is a teaching moment.

What other consequences? She's basically been grounded all year (no friends over). She has zero devices left. I haven't decided if losing the last was permanent. I'm honestly at a loss of what else there is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised a private school is having a kid move on because of this and that they waited until now when it’s too late to apply to a different private school. I’m sorry OP, it sounds like either your daughter’s behavior is severe or your private is horrible.

I think I would tell her that she can’t stay due to her behavior and hopefully this will make her amenable to counseling.

We actually hadn't heard anything about her behavior until yesterday despite three parent-teacher conferences where they claimed everything was just fine. Now, apparently, it's a crisis, so I have to take the afternoon off to pack up all her books, because I'm at a loss of what else I can take away from her.

This is crazy. Can she stay through the end of the year? Was there an incident causing injury? I’m really sorry and can understand why you are upset OP.

She's staying through the end of the year, yes. And no injuries. She just burst into tears into math class yesterday because another classmate was singing under her breath and she couldn't hear the teacher. She corned the girl during recess and asked that she stop singing, girl refused, so she cried again on the playground. Straw that broke the camel's back for the admin. And I agree! She should not be crying in public or telling other students what to do.

If this merits getting kicked out of school several kids from my child’s fourth grade class would be gone. This is shocking. I think I would demand more explanation from the school and offer to take her to counseling.

My kid would be gone too. Her various teachers at public have been working with her for years on not getting overly dramatic when she feels under stress about something - and not being able to hear the teacher or getting a snippy response from a classmate would 100% stress her out. Her teachers have always been so understanding, even though I can only imagine how annoying it must be dealing with that in a class of 28 kids+. We work on it at home, but it's slow going.

Ok, but you can't kick a kid out of public for this. You absolutely CAN kick them out of private.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD10 has very low frustration tolerance. We've had several assessments, but nothing has turned up beyond "mild anxiety" for which she has been in unsuccessful therapy. Unfortunately, her private school is no longer willing to handle her outbursts and has suggested she go public next year.

She will be devastated. And obviously, she'll blame herself. What can we do to make this transition better for her?

Well, she has herself to blame. My suggestion is work with that. Behavior has consequences. This is a teaching moment.

What other consequences? She's basically been grounded all year (no friends over). She has zero devices left. I haven't decided if losing the last was permanent. I'm honestly at a loss of what else there is.

I think PP's point is that leaving school is the natural consequence. You wouldn't have to add one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised a private school is having a kid move on because of this and that they waited until now when it’s too late to apply to a different private school. I’m sorry OP, it sounds like either your daughter’s behavior is severe or your private is horrible.

I think I would tell her that she can’t stay due to her behavior and hopefully this will make her amenable to counseling.

We actually hadn't heard anything about her behavior until yesterday despite three parent-teacher conferences where they claimed everything was just fine. Now, apparently, it's a crisis, so I have to take the afternoon off to pack up all her books, because I'm at a loss of what else I can take away from her.

This is crazy. Can she stay through the end of the year? Was there an incident causing injury? I’m really sorry and can understand why you are upset OP.

She's staying through the end of the year, yes. And no injuries. She just burst into tears into math class yesterday because another classmate was singing under her breath and she couldn't hear the teacher. She corned the girl during recess and asked that she stop singing, girl refused, so she cried again on the playground. Straw that broke the camel's back for the admin. And I agree! She should not be crying in public or telling other students what to do.

If this merits getting kicked out of school several kids from my child’s fourth grade class would be gone. This is shocking. I think I would demand more explanation from the school and offer to take her to counseling.

My kid would be gone too. Her various teachers at public have been working with her for years on not getting overly dramatic when she feels under stress about something - and not being able to hear the teacher or getting a snippy response from a classmate would 100% stress her out. Her teachers have always been so understanding, even though I can only imagine how annoying it must be dealing with that in a class of 28 kids+. We work on it at home, but it's slow going.

Ok, but you can't kick a kid out of public for this. You absolutely CAN kick them out of private.

You can kick a kid out of private for just about anything. It's the double edged sword of private.

But maybe public is a better place for a kid who needs to work on this issue.

[Anonymous]

I really want to know what school this is. My guess is an Arlington diocese catholic school. The whole thing just seems off.