The guilt around weening toddler

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Btw if your response to someone who says they had suicidal thoughts and their therapist told them not to get meds because they were breastfeeding, and your response is "Making pro-breastfeeding the boogeyman of postpartum care in the U.S. is still amazingly misguided given the history and politics connected to the alternatives," you are a TERRIBLE person. Unfortunately, OP has encountered similar attitudes in her breastfeeding group, because there is a discourse around breastfeeding that is extremely defensive and toxic and has forgotten how to be human or show basic empathy.

Alas I can live with a strange unhappy woman on the internet calling me a terrible person.

You seem to struggle with the idea that being told you needed to consult an actual doctor about pharmaceuticals isn’t bullying. The fact that you had suicidal ideation doesn’t somehow insulate you from being told you were wrong.

Not interested in learning empathy yet, I see.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look OP as someone who did extended breastfeeding, weaning is hard. People who havent done it or had their child self-wean earlier also have trouble understanding.
There is a gentle way to do it but- and a big but- no matter how you do it, it will cause some discomfort and tears and emotions at this age.

I did lots of reading books about weaning and slowly cut down both in sessions and duration of nursing sessions until we were down to just bookends for sleep. Naps were easier to wean than bedtime but thats because it had become part of the ritual just like pacis and stuffies/blankies or special music or if mommy always does bedtime and now daddy has to because mom changed her job.

Your hormones are haywire. You wish it could be logical and straightforward but youre dealing with a toddler AND you wonder if you did this to yourself (as do many who are unsupportive of breastfeeding, in general or specifically after 1) but I loved breastfeeding until I didnt. And once one party doesnt want to participate, it becomes a consent and bodily autonomy issue.

I did get a lot of pressure from people outside of the breastfeeding community to stop breastfeeding as well as judgement about cosleeping but thats what worked best for my family. I keep mum about their practices that I dont agree with but just like there are crazy breastfeeding advocates there are crazy anti-breastfeeding advocates who believe breastfeeding is anti-feminist and anyone who breastfeeds is a martyr.

No, not "just like". Only the breastfeeding advocates are supported by the medical establishment. Yes there are pediatricians who would tell people to stop at 1 year because as you know it is hard to wean a toddler. But that's not what drives hospital policies or gets pushed by the AAP.

If you want to be real the hospital policies are driven by cost saving measures it's not anything to do with breastfeeding so don't f****** make it about breastfeeding advocates.
And there are plenty of pediatricians who tell people stop at x because breast milk has no nutritional value after age 1.
And I hate these back and forth arguments about breastfeeding versus not breastfeeding staying at home versus work at home mom daycare versus Nanny and the reason we have so much anxiety about these choices is because women and children are not supported through our policies. While there is a lot of angst around some of these decisions and other places in the world I can promise you that there is not this much back and forth about breastfeeding or about safe sleep or anything else.

So when, after I told my therapist that I was having suicidal thoughts she said medication was not an option because I was breastfeeding, that was a cost saving measure and has nothing to do with breastfeeding advocates? When the AAP puts out ridiculous research briefs that treat observational studies like RCTs, that has nothing to do with breastfeeding advocates? When hospitals implement cost saving measures and justify them based on increasing breastfeeding and breastfeeding advocates say NOTHING, they are not complicit? GTFOOH. They LOVE room sharing. They think women who are willing to be away from their newborns are not real women.

Thats on your therapist. Women can 100% be on psych meds while breastfeedng and while pregnant.

Im sorry you dont know how to advocate for yourself or look for peer reviewed studies or look up any other resources. Thats your shi% therapist not anyone else.

You have some real issues. And have decided to take them out on breastfeeding. You might want to get a new therapist who specializes in transference.

See, this type of discourse - that it's on individual women (including those going through difficult mental health issues) to dismiss medical advice - is so typical of the gaslighting from breastfeeding advocates. I breastfed for 14 months. I am not against breastfeeding. I am against people like you who attack women for being critical of breastfeeding advocates, many of whom do and say horrible things to promote their agenda. Sorry you don't like it. You won't bully me into shutting up.

Yes! Thank you. I’ma different poster but I agree. It’s not reasonable to expect a tired breastfeeding mom who feels the weight of prioritizing her child’s lifelong health to know how and when to disregard explicit medical advice. That’s ridiculous.

ITS NOT MEDICAL ADVICE!!!! jfc MEDICAL ADVICE MUST COME FROM A DOCTOR.

Stop screaming. My therapist was in fact part of the medical institution (Kaiser) that my doctors were. She was likely following the guidance she got about breastfeeding. Which is horrible guidance. She was horrible, and so is the discourse around breastfeeding in this country.

[Anonymous]

Oh and for the record, I did see my PCP around this time. He noticed I was pretty stressed and suggested I seek help for that, but also encouraged me to keep breastfeeding. He did not suggest meds.

Maybe y'all should stop trying to invent scenarios where this was all my fault and recognize that breastfeeding advocates do not advocate for women. They advocate for breastfeeding, often at the cost of women and babies. The result of their advocacy contributes to the sh*tshow that is being postpartum in America.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh and for the record, I did see my PCP around this time. He noticed I was pretty stressed and suggested I seek help for that, but also encouraged me to keep breastfeeding. He did not suggest meds.

Maybe y'all should stop trying to invent scenarios where this was all my fault and recognize that breastfeeding advocates do not advocate for women. They advocate for breastfeeding, often at the cost of women and babies. The result of their advocacy contributes to the sh*tshow that is being postpartum in America.

Yeah Ok PP the entire PP disaster is because of breastfeeding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh and for the record, I did see my PCP around this time. He noticed I was pretty stressed and suggested I seek help for that, but also encouraged me to keep breastfeeding. He did not suggest meds.

Maybe y'all should stop trying to invent scenarios where this was all my fault and recognize that breastfeeding advocates do not advocate for women. They advocate for breastfeeding, often at the cost of women and babies. The result of their advocacy contributes to the sh*tshow that is being postpartum in America.

Yeah Ok PP the entire PP disaster is because of breastfeeding.

Oh no! Snark from a lactivist who can't handle the notion that breastfeeding doesn't solve every problem ever! What shall I do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look OP as someone who did extended breastfeeding, weaning is hard. People who havent done it or had their child self-wean earlier also have trouble understanding.
There is a gentle way to do it but- and a big but- no matter how you do it, it will cause some discomfort and tears and emotions at this age.

I did lots of reading books about weaning and slowly cut down both in sessions and duration of nursing sessions until we were down to just bookends for sleep. Naps were easier to wean than bedtime but thats because it had become part of the ritual just like pacis and stuffies/blankies or special music or if mommy always does bedtime and now daddy has to because mom changed her job.

Your hormones are haywire. You wish it could be logical and straightforward but youre dealing with a toddler AND you wonder if you did this to yourself (as do many who are unsupportive of breastfeeding, in general or specifically after 1) but I loved breastfeeding until I didnt. And once one party doesnt want to participate, it becomes a consent and bodily autonomy issue.

I did get a lot of pressure from people outside of the breastfeeding community to stop breastfeeding as well as judgement about cosleeping but thats what worked best for my family. I keep mum about their practices that I dont agree with but just like there are crazy breastfeeding advocates there are crazy anti-breastfeeding advocates who believe breastfeeding is anti-feminist and anyone who breastfeeds is a martyr.

No, not "just like". Only the breastfeeding advocates are supported by the medical establishment. Yes there are pediatricians who would tell people to stop at 1 year because as you know it is hard to wean a toddler. But that's not what drives hospital policies or gets pushed by the AAP.

If you want to be real the hospital policies are driven by cost saving measures it's not anything to do with breastfeeding so don't f****** make it about breastfeeding advocates.
And there are plenty of pediatricians who tell people stop at x because breast milk has no nutritional value after age 1.
And I hate these back and forth arguments about breastfeeding versus not breastfeeding staying at home versus work at home mom daycare versus Nanny and the reason we have so much anxiety about these choices is because women and children are not supported through our policies. While there is a lot of angst around some of these decisions and other places in the world I can promise you that there is not this much back and forth about breastfeeding or about safe sleep or anything else.

So when, after I told my therapist that I was having suicidal thoughts she said medication was not an option because I was breastfeeding, that was a cost saving measure and has nothing to do with breastfeeding advocates? When the AAP puts out ridiculous research briefs that treat observational studies like RCTs, that has nothing to do with breastfeeding advocates? When hospitals implement cost saving measures and justify them based on increasing breastfeeding and breastfeeding advocates say NOTHING, they are not complicit? GTFOOH. They LOVE room sharing. They think women who are willing to be away from their newborns are not real women.

Thats on your therapist. Women can 100% be on psych meds while breastfeedng and while pregnant.

Im sorry you dont know how to advocate for yourself or look for peer reviewed studies or look up any other resources. Thats your shi% therapist not anyone else.

You have some real issues. And have decided to take them out on breastfeeding. You might want to get a new therapist who specializes in transference.

See, this type of discourse - that it's on individual women (including those going through difficult mental health issues) to dismiss medical advice - is so typical of the gaslighting from breastfeeding advocates. I breastfed for 14 months. I am not against breastfeeding. I am against people like you who attack women for being critical of breastfeeding advocates, many of whom do and say horrible things to promote their agenda. Sorry you don't like it. You won't bully me into shutting up.

Yes! Thank you. I’ma different poster but I agree. It’s not reasonable to expect a tired breastfeeding mom who feels the weight of prioritizing her child’s lifelong health to know how and when to disregard explicit medical advice. That’s ridiculous.

ITS NOT MEDICAL ADVICE!!!! jfc MEDICAL ADVICE MUST COME FROM A DOCTOR.

Stop screaming. My therapist was in fact part of the medical institution (Kaiser) that my doctors were. She was likely following the guidance she got about breastfeeding. Which is horrible guidance. She was horrible, and so is the discourse around breastfeeding in this country.

You got what you paid for. It wasn’t evil lactivism at work.

Also you’re troubled by anyone conjecturing about your story and here you are literally inventing guidance you believe your therapist received?

I truly hope you’re seeking better care now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Btw if your response to someone who says they had suicidal thoughts and their therapist told them not to get meds because they were breastfeeding, and your response is "Making pro-breastfeeding the boogeyman of postpartum care in the U.S. is still amazingly misguided given the history and politics connected to the alternatives," you are a TERRIBLE person. Unfortunately, OP has encountered similar attitudes in her breastfeeding group, because there is a discourse around breastfeeding that is extremely defensive and toxic and has forgotten how to be human or show basic empathy.

Alas I can live with a strange unhappy woman on the internet calling me a terrible person.

You seem to struggle with the idea that being told you needed to consult an actual doctor about pharmaceuticals isn’t bullying. The fact that you had suicidal ideation doesn’t somehow insulate you from being told you were wrong.

Not interested in learning empathy yet, I see.

Empathy for what? Someone who doesn’t want to own their role in their own healthcare and instead wants to blame Big Lactation for the fact that they didn’t seek the appropriate care?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Btw if your response to someone who says they had suicidal thoughts and their therapist told them not to get meds because they were breastfeeding, and your response is "Making pro-breastfeeding the boogeyman of postpartum care in the U.S. is still amazingly misguided given the history and politics connected to the alternatives," you are a TERRIBLE person. Unfortunately, OP has encountered similar attitudes in her breastfeeding group, because there is a discourse around breastfeeding that is extremely defensive and toxic and has forgotten how to be human or show basic empathy.

Alas I can live with a strange unhappy woman on the internet calling me a terrible person.

You seem to struggle with the idea that being told you needed to consult an actual doctor about pharmaceuticals isn’t bullying. The fact that you had suicidal ideation doesn’t somehow insulate you from being told you were wrong.

Not interested in learning empathy yet, I see.

Empathy for what? Someone who doesn’t want to own their role in their own healthcare and instead wants to blame Big Lactation for the fact that they didn’t seek the appropriate care?

So still no

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Btw if your response to someone who says they had suicidal thoughts and their therapist told them not to get meds because they were breastfeeding, and your response is "Making pro-breastfeeding the boogeyman of postpartum care in the U.S. is still amazingly misguided given the history and politics connected to the alternatives," you are a TERRIBLE person. Unfortunately, OP has encountered similar attitudes in her breastfeeding group, because there is a discourse around breastfeeding that is extremely defensive and toxic and has forgotten how to be human or show basic empathy.

Alas I can live with a strange unhappy woman on the internet calling me a terrible person.

You seem to struggle with the idea that being told you needed to consult an actual doctor about pharmaceuticals isn’t bullying. The fact that you had suicidal ideation doesn’t somehow insulate you from being told you were wrong.

Not interested in learning empathy yet, I see.

Empathy for what? Someone who doesn’t want to own their role in their own healthcare and instead wants to blame Big Lactation for the fact that they didn’t seek the appropriate care?

So still no

Honey at any time you could have walked into any grocery store or pharmacy, purchased a can of formula and never looked back if breastfeeding was really the problem. You could have said to your therapist or PCP “don’t worry, the baby is formula fed”. The fact that no one told you to do that isn’t a failing of the medical community. I understand you would rather shift the blame for your distress. I understand taking responsibility is hard. But no one forced you to breastfeed just because they didn’t tell you to stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Btw if your response to someone who says they had suicidal thoughts and their therapist told them not to get meds because they were breastfeeding, and your response is "Making pro-breastfeeding the boogeyman of postpartum care in the U.S. is still amazingly misguided given the history and politics connected to the alternatives," you are a TERRIBLE person. Unfortunately, OP has encountered similar attitudes in her breastfeeding group, because there is a discourse around breastfeeding that is extremely defensive and toxic and has forgotten how to be human or show basic empathy.

Alas I can live with a strange unhappy woman on the internet calling me a terrible person.

You seem to struggle with the idea that being told you needed to consult an actual doctor about pharmaceuticals isn’t bullying. The fact that you had suicidal ideation doesn’t somehow insulate you from being told you were wrong.

Not interested in learning empathy yet, I see.

Empathy for what? Someone who doesn’t want to own their role in their own healthcare and instead wants to blame Big Lactation for the fact that they didn’t seek the appropriate care?

So still no

Honey at any time you could have walked into any grocery store or pharmacy, purchased a can of formula and never looked back if breastfeeding was really the problem. You could have said to your therapist or PCP “don’t worry, the baby is formula fed”. The fact that no one told you to do that isn’t a failing of the medical community. I understand you would rather shift the blame for your distress. I understand taking responsibility is hard. But no one forced you to breastfeed just because they didn’t tell you to stop.

Oh honey, just stop. You pretend I care what you think when you actually are super stressed that I think breastfeeding advocates are mostly insecure people who get some validation from gaslighting and manipulating women. I'm not going to stop thinking this because you want to blame me for the poor medical care I got as a result of the breastfeeding movement that could not care less about me or my child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Btw if your response to someone who says they had suicidal thoughts and their therapist told them not to get meds because they were breastfeeding, and your response is "Making pro-breastfeeding the boogeyman of postpartum care in the U.S. is still amazingly misguided given the history and politics connected to the alternatives," you are a TERRIBLE person. Unfortunately, OP has encountered similar attitudes in her breastfeeding group, because there is a discourse around breastfeeding that is extremely defensive and toxic and has forgotten how to be human or show basic empathy.

Alas I can live with a strange unhappy woman on the internet calling me a terrible person.

You seem to struggle with the idea that being told you needed to consult an actual doctor about pharmaceuticals isn’t bullying. The fact that you had suicidal ideation doesn’t somehow insulate you from being told you were wrong.

Not interested in learning empathy yet, I see.

Empathy for what? Someone who doesn’t want to own their role in their own healthcare and instead wants to blame Big Lactation for the fact that they didn’t seek the appropriate care?

So still no

Honey at any time you could have walked into any grocery store or pharmacy, purchased a can of formula and never looked back if breastfeeding was really the problem. You could have said to your therapist or PCP “don’t worry, the baby is formula fed”. The fact that no one told you to do that isn’t a failing of the medical community. I understand you would rather shift the blame for your distress. I understand taking responsibility is hard. But no one forced you to breastfeed just because they didn’t tell you to stop.

Oh honey, just stop. You pretend I care what you think when you actually are super stressed that I think breastfeeding advocates are mostly insecure people who get some validation from gaslighting and manipulating women. I'm not going to stop thinking this because you want to blame me for the poor medical care I got as a result of the breastfeeding movement that could not care less about me or my child.

You do apparently care a great deal what I think and that’s why you keep trying to characterize me as a bully for telling you the truth. The truth is no one forced you to do anything, they just didn’t tell you not to do something. It’s not the job of anyone, medical community or DCUM, to lie and tell you you’re right all the time.

[Anonymous]

Any helpful tips on weaning a 27 month old? DD only nurses at bedtime and if she wakes during the night. #2 is due in 7.5 months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any helpful tips on weaning a 27 month old? DD only nurses at bedtime and if she wakes during the night. #2 is due in 7.5 months.

How verbal is your toddler?

I had good success with a conversation. Stop middle of the night feeding ASAP. Replace it with your husband comforting at first.

Start by shortening the bedtime duration and adding something else. Like 5 min nursing 5 min book. Let your toddler pick books at the library. One day you ask “oh should we finish this book? Or do you want milk?”. Your toddler will eventually choose the more entertaining option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Btw if your response to someone who says they had suicidal thoughts and their therapist told them not to get meds because they were breastfeeding, and your response is "Making pro-breastfeeding the boogeyman of postpartum care in the U.S. is still amazingly misguided given the history and politics connected to the alternatives," you are a TERRIBLE person. Unfortunately, OP has encountered similar attitudes in her breastfeeding group, because there is a discourse around breastfeeding that is extremely defensive and toxic and has forgotten how to be human or show basic empathy.

Alas I can live with a strange unhappy woman on the internet calling me a terrible person.

You seem to struggle with the idea that being told you needed to consult an actual doctor about pharmaceuticals isn’t bullying. The fact that you had suicidal ideation doesn’t somehow insulate you from being told you were wrong.

Not interested in learning empathy yet, I see.

Empathy for what? Someone who doesn’t want to own their role in their own healthcare and instead wants to blame Big Lactation for the fact that they didn’t seek the appropriate care?

So still no

Honey at any time you could have walked into any grocery store or pharmacy, purchased a can of formula and never looked back if breastfeeding was really the problem. You could have said to your therapist or PCP “don’t worry, the baby is formula fed”. The fact that no one told you to do that isn’t a failing of the medical community. I understand you would rather shift the blame for your distress. I understand taking responsibility is hard. But no one forced you to breastfeed just because they didn’t tell you to stop.

Oh honey, just stop. You pretend I care what you think when you actually are super stressed that I think breastfeeding advocates are mostly insecure people who get some validation from gaslighting and manipulating women. I'm not going to stop thinking this because you want to blame me for the poor medical care I got as a result of the breastfeeding movement that could not care less about me or my child.

You do apparently care a great deal what I think and that’s why you keep trying to characterize me as a bully for telling you the truth. The truth is no one forced you to do anything, they just didn’t tell you not to do something. It’s not the job of anyone, medical community or DCUM, to lie and tell you you’re right all the time.

Lol you are not telling the truth, you're bashing me for not ignoring advice from medical professionals. You're insane, and yes you are a bully who deserves to be called out. You are not a good person.

[Anonymous]

OP, you must be in the wrong group. The breastfeeding toddler (and older) group I'm in is very supportive of weaning with a variety of methods whenever it is best for the mother and it sounds like it is best for you to wean. While I do see some extreme things in there - I've never seen any shaming or criticism over weaning. Ignore internet crazies - there is a ton of support for weaning in breastfeeding groups that is one an incredibly common question which generates lots of useful suggestions!