The guilt around weening toddler

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP trying to wean my 26 month old because I am done and his sleep is garbage because he still thinks he’s 6 weeks old and needs to nurse throughout the night.

I’ve liked the support I got to make it this far but it’s gone now that I’ve decided I’m done which is demoralizing. Did they ever care about me or just want me to go as long as possible?

Lots of guilt being pushed my way. Frustrating. Some will understand and some won’t but I want women who let the guilt get to them know it’s all BS. Your kid will be fine.

Are you particularly young?

Because…people aren’t endless and attention and support machines. You need to be confident in your decisions whether or not they’re supported by a group. Most of parenting does not have a cheerleading section.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP trying to wean my 26 month old because I am done and his sleep is garbage because he still thinks he’s 6 weeks old and needs to nurse throughout the night.

I’ve liked the support I got to make it this far but it’s gone now that I’ve decided I’m done which is demoralizing. Did they ever care about me or just want me to go as long as possible?

Lots of guilt being pushed my way. Frustrating. Some will understand and some won’t but I want women who let the guilt get to them know it’s all BS. Your kid will be fine.

I deeply understand and agree with you, OP. Mine is 2.5 and I’m on the other side. I didn’t night wean until 20 months and I totally weaned at 27 months. It was surprisingly easy to night wean but HARD to totally wean both due to pressure from toddler and from all the stupid sleep and breastfeeding groups I was in that insisted I’d cause harm if I didn’t “gently” wean using exactly their methods. F those moms starting those groups to help deal with their own guilt and feelings over their failings with their own kids. I wish I’d realized sooner that’s what those groups are really about. They have crazy, unrealistic, terrible advice that drives mothers insane by making them a slave to kids’ needs (wants?).

Wean, OP. I did it and mine was the worst sleeper (still is…) boob monster. You can do it. I do promise your child will surprise you with how well they take it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My baby weened of her own volition at 14 months and my friends who were really into breastfeeding told me I needed to trick her into continuing to breastfeed by withholding solid foods or never letting her have cow's milk.

I was sad when she started rejecting breastfeeding, and I also had a negative hormonal reaction (normal with cessation of breastfeeding at any time), but it felt like the natural course of things. It was so weird how I could accept it despite dealing with the hormonal challenges but other people viewed it as some kind of failure. I think for some people, stopping breastfeeding anytime before kindergarten, for any reason, is a sign of weakness. So bizarre.

Withholding solid foods????? What in the ever loving..... I've always thought the breastfeeding community was off their rocker but this one takes the cake.

[Anonymous]

I breastfed all 3. No community other than me. I am a few months away from weaning my last - probably around 13 months. I think I’ll be sad because it will mark the end of the baby/breastfeeding time in my life. But there are also a lot of positives with that. I have a huge hormone crash when I stop even though I do it gradually. I’m just very depressed for about two weeks. I’m not looking forward to that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My baby weened of her own volition at 14 months and my friends who were really into breastfeeding told me I needed to trick her into continuing to breastfeed by withholding solid foods or never letting her have cow's milk.

I was sad when she started rejecting breastfeeding, and I also had a negative hormonal reaction (normal with cessation of breastfeeding at any time), but it felt like the natural course of things. It was so weird how I could accept it despite dealing with the hormonal challenges but other people viewed it as some kind of failure. I think for some people, stopping breastfeeding anytime before kindergarten, for any reason, is a sign of weakness. So bizarre.

Withholding solid foods????? What in the ever loving..... I've always thought the breastfeeding community was off their rocker but this one takes the cake.

Look, there are lots of crazy people out there who are militant about things. As long as children and animals are not harmed I try to stay away and not judge too much. Who cares what some rando Karen thinks. Refocus yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My baby weened of her own volition at 14 months and my friends who were really into breastfeeding told me I needed to trick her into continuing to breastfeed by withholding solid foods or never letting her have cow's milk.

I was sad when she started rejecting breastfeeding, and I also had a negative hormonal reaction (normal with cessation of breastfeeding at any time), but it felt like the natural course of things. It was so weird how I could accept it despite dealing with the hormonal challenges but other people viewed it as some kind of failure. I think for some people, stopping breastfeeding anytime before kindergarten, for any reason, is a sign of weakness. So bizarre.

Withholding solid foods????? What in the ever loving..... I've always thought the breastfeeding community was off their rocker but this one takes the cake.

Look, there are lots of crazy people out there who are militant about things. As long as children and animals are not harmed I try to stay away and not judge too much. Who cares what some rando Karen thinks. Refocus yourself.

Withholding solid foods from a child over the year of 1 is harming children. What is the matter with you?

[Anonymous]

"The breastfeeding community"?

Which one, pray? Did you get stinging commentary from a couple of posters online? Are you really that insecure about your choices as a parent?

No one is actually *that* interested in your little doings. They're not making placards as we speak and surrounding your house chanting milk songs and doing ritual nursing sit-ins on your doorstep.

I breast-fed for 6 months with DC1 and 2.5 years with DC2 and "the breastfeeding community" had nothing to say about any of it.

Focus on what's important: you.

[Anonymous]

OP the vast majority of women stop before 6 months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP trying to wean my 26 month old because I am done and his sleep is garbage because he still thinks he’s 6 weeks old and needs to nurse throughout the night.

I’ve liked the support I got to make it this far but it’s gone now that I’ve decided I’m done which is demoralizing. Did they ever care about me or just want me to go as long as possible?

Lots of guilt being pushed my way. Frustrating. Some will understand and some won’t but I want women who let the guilt get to them know it’s all BS. Your kid will be fine.

OP, this is 16:52. I absolutely get it. Guess what, my kid breastfed for less than half as long as yours did and she's better than fine! She's 6, loves school, has friends, is fun and silly, and is very healthy and rarely gets sick. Of course we have our challenges, but none of them are due to when she stopped breastfeeding.

I think for some women it just becomes a point of pride and superiority. They view women who breastfeed for less time as less committed, less willing to sacrifice for their child, less health-conscious, just... less. The response I got to stopping breastfeeding when I did has actually made me a bigger advocate for "fed is best" and I'm more vocally supportive of women who choose to skip breast-feeding, decide to stop doing it earlier than others, or who choose to combo feed. I wasn't opposed to any of those things before, but now I speak up and advocate for people because I know how bad it feels to have people judging you and treating you as an insufficient mother just because you aren't nursing your child anymore. I'm glad you are speaking up too!

Good lord from who? The anti vax crunchy mon crowd? Honestly I think most people I know would secretly think it was really weird to be nursing a preschooler.

[Anonymous]

Where did you find this breastfeeding community? Because I thankfully never encountered some of the insanity posted on this thread and I think it would be good for moms starting their breastfeeding journey to know what groups to avoid! I breastfed both my kids until about 18 months then stopped without fuss. But I also didn’t really need or want to talk about it to anyone after my oldest was about 2 months old.

Anyway, OP, good luck with weaning! It went much more smoothly than I anticipated for me and I hope it does for you too. And you’re absolutely correct that it won’t harm your child and that your and their sleep are both important.

[Anonymous]

I am aligned with the general advice of not really caring what people (especially online people) think, unless it is helpful and constructive for you. For example, sometimes when people IRL or on DCUM have told me that I am wrong in something, I think about it and realize they are right and appreciate the kick in the pants, even if it was hurtfully expressed. But if it is not a useful piece of advice, I ignore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My baby weened of her own volition at 14 months and my friends who were really into breastfeeding told me I needed to trick her into continuing to breastfeed by withholding solid foods or never letting her have cow's milk.

I was sad when she started rejecting breastfeeding, and I also had a negative hormonal reaction (normal with cessation of breastfeeding at any time), but it felt like the natural course of things. It was so weird how I could accept it despite dealing with the hormonal challenges but other people viewed it as some kind of failure. I think for some people, stopping breastfeeding anytime before kindergarten, for any reason, is a sign of weakness. So bizarre.

Withholding solid foods????? What in the ever loving..... I've always thought the breastfeeding community was off their rocker but this one takes the cake.

Look, there are lots of crazy people out there who are militant about things. As long as children and animals are not harmed I try to stay away and not judge too much. Who cares what some rando Karen thinks. Refocus yourself.

Withholding solid foods from a child over the year of 1 is harming children. What is the matter with you?

You’re getting mad at me? Call Child Protective Services if you are hearing about this in your mother’s group. I read it as they did larger portions of breast milk and less food. I’m not advocating for starving child. You sound like you need to be angry at someone or something. As someone else said, parenting does not come with a cheering section. Stop seeking external validation for your parenting choices. Everyone parents differently!

I have three children and work full time and I just finished doing some work and need to wake up early to bring my kids to a book fair at my eldest child’s school so I’m going to leave this discussion. I’m sure you’ll find someone else to get mad at in my absence. Good luck to you.

[Anonymous]

I get it OP. I have a coworker who is also a lactation consultant but she's also a fairly militant one. I am pretty sure one of our coworkers who is a new mom will be reporting her to HR because she's been incredibly demeaning that the coworker is using formula. She's explained medically why she is but the LC hasn't let up and she honestly shouldn't have had to explain herself to begin with.

[Anonymous]

I wonder what it is about breastfeeding that brings out the lactation support crazies... it's the weirdest thing and so inconsequential in the grand scheme of motherhood

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder what it is about breastfeeding that brings out the lactation support crazies... it's the weirdest thing and so inconsequential in the grand scheme of motherhood

And yet OP sought out their attention and support and now is sad they’re not validating her. This is a great object lesson in why you can’t seek your parenting validation from the internet.