Parents who don’t let their kids do sleepovers but send them to sleepaway camps: what’s your rationale?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They get one childhood. I'm not taking the risk of molestation, too young sexual experimentation, shenanigans or sneaking out. There is a time and place for everything and it's called college.

To OP’s point, why in the world would anyone think these things can’t happen at sleepaway camp?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Consistent with allowing neither here.

Lots of parents drink or smoke. Lots of parents have lax rules and regulations. Older siblings and males are the most likely predators. I was assaulted by my friend at a sleepover in the name of "exploration" which I did not want to do and had to shut down but I am also a very confident person.

Sleepaway camp has too much opportunity to coercion and manipulation.

I am in the same boat. We allow neither because of our past negative experiences.

I was assaulted by my friend's older brother at a sleepover. It was also presented as an "exploration" opportunity that I did not want to happen. I said no but was not assertive or confident back then. He told me all the other girls did it so they knew what to do when they got boyfriends.

My spouse lost her virginity at sleepaway camp. She also has lots of stories of all the other sexual things that happened there.

I think there are some specific guard rails you can put in place to reduce rush to a level you’re comfortable with. For example, I don’t plan to allow sleepovers with friends who have older brothers. Even if I know them. I obviously won’t tell the parents that’s the reason why. I also went to an all girls camp where male counselors were housed off site and only there until dinner time; only females slept on the premises. I’d be comfortable with that for my daughter because the risk is greatly, greatly reduced.

No older brother but ok if father in yhe house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Consistent with allowing neither here.

Lots of parents drink or smoke. Lots of parents have lax rules and regulations. Older siblings and males are the most likely predators. I was assaulted by my friend at a sleepover in the name of "exploration" which I did not want to do and had to shut down but I am also a very confident person.

Sleepaway camp has too much opportunity to coercion and manipulation.

I am in the same boat. We allow neither because of our past negative experiences.

I was assaulted by my friend's older brother at a sleepover. It was also presented as an "exploration" opportunity that I did not want to happen. I said no but was not assertive or confident back then. He told me all the other girls did it so they knew what to do when they got boyfriends.

My spouse lost her virginity at sleepaway camp. She also has lots of stories of all the other sexual things that happened there.

I think there are some specific guard rails you can put in place to reduce rush to a level you’re comfortable with. For example, I don’t plan to allow sleepovers with friends who have older brothers. Even if I know them. I obviously won’t tell the parents that’s the reason why. I also went to an all girls camp where male counselors were housed off site and only there until dinner time; only females slept on the premises. I’d be comfortable with that for my daughter because the risk is greatly, greatly reduced.

No older brother but ok if father in yhe house?

In my ideal world I’d love for no men to be present at all of course but as most houses have fathers that would rule out most houses, and I’m trying not to rule out all sleep overs. No brothers reduces the risk some but of course not totally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They get one childhood. I'm not taking the risk of molestation, too young sexual experimentation, shenanigans or sneaking out. There is a time and place for everything and it's called college.

To OP’s point, why in the world would anyone think these things can’t happen at sleepaway camp?

Why in the world would people think this can’t happen anywhere? Most cases of molestation and sexual experimentation are not taking place at a sleepaway camp.

[Anonymous]

My 5th grader’s class just spent a week away at a nature camp with 5th graders from two other schools. The theee schools mix in cabins (ie 4-5 kids per school per cabin). The kids who were with them at night / all day long to help out were 10th graders. (Teachers and naturalists were with them during the day but not in the cabins.)

Of the 80 kids in her grade, 10 didn’t go. I don’t know the reasons (but the public school made sure costs were covered for students who otherwise couldn’t afford to go). A few weeks ago I was talking to a group of girls and one said she really wanted to go but her mother wouldn’t let her. Again, I don’t know the reasons, but I said to my husband I could imagine concerns about being with that many people you don’t know in the cabins at night.

But the risk calculation to me was worth sending her. To the point of only one childhood; my DD has talked about this trip for years and came back glowing. She said it was one of the best weeks of her life. I would have been devastated if she’d been assaulted but the risk didn’t seem worth saying no.

In terms of sleepovers she’s only ever asked to go to two - one is her best friend (who has a twin brother) and they are all really close. The parents are both good friends of mine and the families spend a lot of time together. The other is when we visit my siblings and she wants to sleep over with cousins. Last year a girl in her class had a backyard camp out sleepover and I honestly didn’t give much thought to the risks but I would want to know families better for 1:1 sleepovers. So far she’s not interested in those beyond the one friend, though.

[Anonymous]

Pp here - I hated sleepovers as a kid because I was so cranky the next day. I’m sure that shapes my thinking but if she were into sleepovers more broadly - or when my younger DD is older and wants them - I don’t know that I’d prohibit them, but I don’t love the idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My spouse was molested at one of the most exclusive summer camps in the country. It happens, even though people like to tell themselves otherwise. Agree with a PP that there’s only one childhood. If this happens to your kid, it is a life sentence. Not at all worth the risks. This isn’t sheltering your child, either. By the time they go to the college, they are 18-19 years old and far more equipped.

Molestations occur at schools, at churches, at scouts, at camp, at sleepovers. You can’t prevent everything. Personally I think the benefits of sleepaway especially in an era of screens is worth it. My kids look forward to camp each year.

Well that’s your fault your kids are screen addicts

They aren’t. They are at camp!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve let mine do both but need to meet the parents before a sleepover.
At camp DD was in an all female cabin with 2 female counselors. When they went to the bathroom at night they had to take a buddy or a counselor. They have rules/procedures in place.
Sleepovers do not.

I agree with this. My kids are not at sleepover ages yet. I had sleepovers every weekend as a child and went to sleepaway camp for years, despite having extremely overprotective parents. This was just not a thing in the 90s/early 2000s.

Not doing sleepovers did not cross my mind until a friend with older children mentioned it. I sort of agree with the premise of not allowing sleepovers - at least until kids are old enough to understand what sexual abuse looks like and what to do/who to tell if god forbid something ever happened OR if it’s a very close friend whose parents you know well and trust (which still doesn’t eliminate the risk.)

Sleepaway camp is a group setting and I think fewer situations where kids are alone with adults.