Parents who don’t let their kids do sleepovers but send them to sleepaway camps: what’s your rationale?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid did not want to go over to a friend's house for a sleepover, because the friend is obsessed with sex, body explorations, etc. I told the parent that we aren't allowing the sleepers, although it's not exactly true. Yes, my kid is going to the sleep-away camp, where they are not "a guest" and feel like they have to be polite.

So you assume they will not have a body/sex obsessed cabin mate or counselor - or worse? And guess what, if they do, they can’t even contact you to get them out of there. Ignorance is bliss I guess.

It could be, yet, my kid was already uncomfortable with the idea of sleeping over at that specific friend's house. My kid attended other friends' sleepovers. There will be more counselors and kids at the cabin than at a friend's house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Consistent with allowing neither here.

Lots of parents drink or smoke. Lots of parents have lax rules and regulations. Older siblings and males are the most likely predators. I was assaulted by my friend at a sleepover in the name of "exploration" which I did not want to do and had to shut down but I am also a very confident person.

Sleepaway camp has too much opportunity to coercion and manipulation.

I am in the same boat. We allow neither because of our past negative experiences.

I was assaulted by my friend's older brother at a sleepover. It was also presented as an "exploration" opportunity that I did not want to happen. I said no but was not assertive or confident back then. He told me all the other girls did it so they knew what to do when they got boyfriends.

My spouse lost her virginity at sleepaway camp. She also has lots of stories of all the other sexual things that happened there.

[Anonymous]

Sleepovers are horrible. Kids come home crabby and annoying, with drama, bullying, and risk of abuse nope not necessary.

Sleep away camp I have mixed feelings.
Looking back I think it was not a good decision.

No way in hell I would ever send a kid to a religious-based overnight camp. Denomination doesn't matter never ever would I put my kids in that situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just wondering as I know several parents who don’t like or don’t allow their kids to do sleepovers but will gladly send them to sleepaway camp. Isn’t there more of a risk of something going wrong at a sleepaway camp where your child is with total strangers than at the home of a family you know and trust? What am I missing here?

I don't allow either, but I think many people assume background checks on camp employees eliminate all risk. I agree that is bad logic. Luckily my kids don't clamor for opportunities to sleep in strange locations apart from their family, so I don't have to deal with these questions.

[Anonymous]

I have girls and I send them to all girls camps only. Doesn't eliminate the risk, but cuts down on it.

I think if I had boys I would avoid all boys camps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have girls and I send them to all girls camps only. Doesn't eliminate the risk, but cuts down on it.

I think if I had boys I would avoid all boys camps.

I agree with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Consistent with allowing neither here.

Lots of parents drink or smoke. Lots of parents have lax rules and regulations. Older siblings and males are the most likely predators. I was assaulted by my friend at a sleepover in the name of "exploration" which I did not want to do and had to shut down but I am also a very confident person.

Sleepaway camp has too much opportunity to coercion and manipulation.

I am in the same boat. We allow neither because of our past negative experiences.

I was assaulted by my friend's older brother at a sleepover. It was also presented as an "exploration" opportunity that I did not want to happen. I said no but was not assertive or confident back then. He told me all the other girls did it so they knew what to do when they got boyfriends.

My spouse lost her virginity at sleepaway camp. She also has lots of stories of all the other sexual things that happened there.

I think there are some specific guard rails you can put in place to reduce rush to a level you’re comfortable with. For example, I don’t plan to allow sleepovers with friends who have older brothers. Even if I know them. I obviously won’t tell the parents that’s the reason why. I also went to an all girls camp where male counselors were housed off site and only there until dinner time; only females slept on the premises. I’d be comfortable with that for my daughter because the risk is greatly, greatly reduced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Staff at the camp is background checked.

East to pass a background check before your first time with access to a buffet of youngsters. Camp staff are much younger and hormonal than parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid did not want to go over to a friend's house for a sleepover, because the friend is obsessed with sex, body explorations, etc. I told the parent that we aren't allowing the sleepers, although it's not exactly true. Yes, my kid is going to the sleep-away camp, where they are not "a guest" and feel like they have to be polite.

So you assume they will not have a body/sex obsessed cabin mate or counselor - or worse? And guess what, if they do, they can’t even contact you to get them out of there. Ignorance is bliss I guess.

I can’t believe how many people live their lives worried about molestation.

It's necessary, because the most harmful aspect of molestation is how the stigma is used a weapon to control the victim.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They get one childhood. I'm not taking the risk of molestation, too young sexual experimentation, shenanigans or sneaking out. There is a time and place for everything and it's called college.

They only get one childhood, so you are making sure they can't enjoy it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Staff at the camp is background checked.

Parents do not have a chance to meet the staff so of course they need to be vetted by the employer. I assume you would have met the parents of the friend so that you can make your own decision.

Have you earned background checks on your kids' friends' parents?

Or are you judging by there race and wealth?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have girls and I send them to all girls camps only. Doesn't eliminate the risk, but cuts down on it.

I think if I had boys I would avoid all boys camps.

I agree with this.

The "advances" I received at a sleepover were from a girl. And I am a girl. But sure...

[Anonymous]

The thing that bothers me about sleepaway camp is there could be something that makes your kid uncomfortable, or grooming behavior, but you have no chance of knowing until a week or more goes by and it’s too late. If they come home daily they are much more likely to mention something and you can discuss it immediately and take any appropriate actions. I guess the setup where they can’t call home gives parents the blissful ignorance they’re paying for.

[Anonymous]

I allow both but I think some parents might select a camp that they feel comfortable with the rules/values of the camp. It's less of a big deal to ask a lot of questions about rules/sleeping arrangements/protocols of a camp than of a friend's parents if you aren't super close with the other family.

My kids love sleepovers and I think it's a great experience for them but we do limit them to families that we know pretty well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Background checks, personal recommendations

Sorry but background checks and references are worthless. Counselors are young, usually in their early 20s, and if they’re predators it’s highly unlikely they have any sort of record yet. It takes a long time for victims to come forward which is why so many abuse cases come to light when the predators are elderly or dead.

You’re not even meeting these people who will have complete control of your kids for a week plus.

Listen, you asked and I answered. I don’t agree with you. We’ve had wonderful experiences with sleepaway camps and highly recommend the experience for kids!