What do I need to know about dating a black man, as a white woman?

[Anonymous]

Shouldn't this be in the explicit forum?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. He's biracial not black.

2. the fact that you asked this question and can't seem to figure out how not be offensive or think there's some sort of " black check list" is offensive and doesn't bode well for you.

In America, biracial is just a theoretical term in my opinion. If one of the parent is Black, that child is black. I don't care if has green eyes with fair skin he is black!

Well you're wrong, and your opinion is dated and racist.

How is it racist? That is exactly how race works in this country. No one cares what race your parents are when forming an opinion of you. If you look black, you will be treated as such. Skin tone is really the determining factor here. Not parentage. I know some hate to hear that.

But you said even if fair skin and green eyes. So doesn’t look black and won’t be treated as such.

You haven't been around many black people have you?

There are many many black people with fair skin and green eyes. And those are black people with two black parents.

No I'm pointing out your contradictory statements.

1) If you look black, you will be treated as such. Skin tone is really the determining factor here.

and

2) If one of the parent is Black, that child is black

Have you been around enough biracial people to know that they don't always look black? You're clearly no expert if you make such obviously contradictory statements.

Biracial people mixed with Black are Black. Nothing contradictory here.. 99.99% of people with a black parent and a white parent still look black. I know it hurts to admit.

A large amount of biracial people look white. You just don’t realize it. Much more common than people realize.

You’re spouting an outdated trope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:that dating is one thing and marrying + kids is another.

You need to understand that raising black children is an additional layer of complexity especially as someone who isnt black yourself. If you have black sons, your husband will be able to guide. If you have black daughters, reach out to family members or friends so you can understand their experience(s) and ensure your girls are surrounded by black women.

And you can 100% be an ally, but until you have your own black kids existing in this world, you have no idea how much navigating there is on a day-to-day basis and how much teaching you need to do.

I wouldnt change a thing about my life and who I choose to marry and have kids with but it really didnt hit me until I was raising black children. We all do our best to put our children in the best scenarios and protect them but there is 100% an additional level to raising black children. What you name them, what you teach them, how they are taught to navigate the outside world, how they have to dress and conduct themselves at all times, that they will always be seen as more aggressive than they are or in the case of a female, more sexual. It starts as soon as pre-K with what behavior spectrum children of color are allowed to exhibit versus white children. d

If they have children their children will be white.

The man is BIRACIAL.

Look at Halle Berry’s Daughter. Look at Lionel Richie’s daughter. This whole thread is annoying.

Yes because genetics is only a punnet square. You are ANNOYING. Biracial people ARENT ALWAYS LIGHT SKINNED YOU MORON

[Anonymous]

Punnet square, lol, how British. Let’s go pick some strawberries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm Latino, but I'll try to answer.

Don't do any cringe things like ask questions about his hair.

Don't assume his family is dirt poor or that none of them went to college.

Don't be surprised when random Black women give you two dirty looks or speak about you loudly.

Personally, I'd try to frequent bars/hang out places that attract a mixed race crowd, as opposed to places where either of you would be one of the only non-White or non-Black people there.

Thank you for this! I've already caught a few surprised/dirty looks.

+2 I dated a Black Hispanic/Latino guy, he 110% identified as Hispanic, family from DR, spoke fluent Spanish, etc. etc. and he mostly dated white and Hispanic girls, and when we started dating he was like, we can’t go to these few bars because the girls I’ve dated have had drinks poured on them there by black girls. White people never cared.

Lol. White women care very much when it’s a Black woman with an attractive, successful white man. I’m a Black woman who has only dated white men and who has been married to a white man for over 10 years. Dealing with white women has been a headache. I had virtually only white girlfriends until I got engaged at 26 and then one by one, they all seemed to become rabid and deranged. One actually told me that my husband and I aren’t meant to be because she allegedly had a dream in which my husband was marrying a blonde.

Last week, I got elbowed by a white woman at, of all things, a fundraiser for impoverished DC-area children. She smiled at my husband when he walked in, stared at him all the way until he sat next to me (I entered first while he parked the car), and then widened her eyes and scowled when he kissed me. My husband is tall, handsome, and dresses like the descendant of Boston Brahmins that he is lol. Karen and her friend kept staring at me and my husband as we pretended not to notice them. When I went to the bathroom, Karen was standing outside it and as I exited, she entered without giving me a chance to finish leaving, and made sure to “accidentally” elbow me on the way in. Par for the course. I didn’t pay her any attention because trash is beneath my notice.

Anyway, white people are hardly immune to jealousy over interracial relationships. Please don’t lie to yourself.

You paid her a LOT of notice given the intensely detailed description of your interaction/encounter with her. You noticed her one whole hell of a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm Latino, but I'll try to answer.

Don't do any cringe things like ask questions about his hair.

Don't assume his family is dirt poor or that none of them went to college.

Don't be surprised when random Black women give you two dirty looks or speak about you loudly.

Personally, I'd try to frequent bars/hang out places that attract a mixed race crowd, as opposed to places where either of you would be one of the only non-White or non-Black people there.

Thank you for this! I've already caught a few surprised/dirty looks.

+2 I dated a Black Hispanic/Latino guy, he 110% identified as Hispanic, family from DR, spoke fluent Spanish, etc. etc. and he mostly dated white and Hispanic girls, and when we started dating he was like, we can’t go to these few bars because the girls I’ve dated have had drinks poured on them there by black girls. White people never cared.

Lol. White women care very much when it’s a Black woman with an attractive, successful white man. I’m a Black woman who has only dated white men and who has been married to a white man for over 10 years. Dealing with white women has been a headache. I had virtually only white girlfriends until I got engaged at 26 and then one by one, they all seemed to become rabid and deranged. One actually told me that my husband and I aren’t meant to be because she allegedly had a dream in which my husband was marrying a blonde.

Last week, I got elbowed by a white woman at, of all things, a fundraiser for impoverished DC-area children. She smiled at my husband when he walked in, stared at him all the way until he sat next to me (I entered first while he parked the car), and then widened her eyes and scowled when he kissed me. My husband is tall, handsome, and dresses like the descendant of Boston Brahmins that he is lol. Karen and her friend kept staring at me and my husband as we pretended not to notice them. When I went to the bathroom, Karen was standing outside it and as I exited, she entered without giving me a chance to finish leaving, and made sure to “accidentally” elbow me on the way in. Par for the course. I didn’t pay her any attention because trash is beneath my notice.

Anyway, white people are hardly immune to jealousy over interracial relationships. Please don’t lie to yourself.

You paid her a LOT of notice given the intensely detailed description of your interaction/encounter with her. You noticed her one whole hell of a lot.

Right? Seems like PP was obsessed and staring at these women, so much for "pretending not to notice them".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In all seriousness, black people are normal people. They aren’t some weird robots we need to act differently around. You have no idea if this guy will be liberal or woke. I have half black cousins and they don’t play into any of that bs. Most are former military and conservative. Some don’t care about politics. Some like to professional victims.

Be kind. Be respectful. Be yourself. That’s it.

Well said. So many stupid responses in this thread, but this person has it nailed.

No, they haven't nailed, unless you're an insufferable, simplistic conservative who thinks anyone liberal sees themselves as a "victim." Meanwhile, a big orange rapist hero of "conservatives" thinks everything is a witchhunt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm Latino, but I'll try to answer.

Don't do any cringe things like ask questions about his hair.

Don't assume his family is dirt poor or that none of them went to college.

Don't be surprised when random Black women give you two dirty looks or speak about you loudly.

Personally, I'd try to frequent bars/hang out places that attract a mixed race crowd, as opposed to places where either of you would be one of the only non-White or non-Black people there.

Thank you for this! I've already caught a few surprised/dirty looks.

+2 I dated a Black Hispanic/Latino guy, he 110% identified as Hispanic, family from DR, spoke fluent Spanish, etc. etc. and he mostly dated white and Hispanic girls, and when we started dating he was like, we can’t go to these few bars because the girls I’ve dated have had drinks poured on them there by black girls. White people never cared.

Lol. White women care very much when it’s a Black woman with an attractive, successful white man. I’m a Black woman who has only dated white men and who has been married to a white man for over 10 years. Dealing with white women has been a headache. I had virtually only white girlfriends until I got engaged at 26 and then one by one, they all seemed to become rabid and deranged. One actually told me that my husband and I aren’t meant to be because she allegedly had a dream in which my husband was marrying a blonde.

Last week, I got elbowed by a white woman at, of all things, a fundraiser for impoverished DC-area children. She smiled at my husband when he walked in, stared at him all the way until he sat next to me (I entered first while he parked the car), and then widened her eyes and scowled when he kissed me. My husband is tall, handsome, and dresses like the descendant of Boston Brahmins that he is lol. Karen and her friend kept staring at me and my husband as we pretended not to notice them. When I went to the bathroom, Karen was standing outside it and as I exited, she entered without giving me a chance to finish leaving, and made sure to “accidentally” elbow me on the way in. Par for the course. I didn’t pay her any attention because trash is beneath my notice.

Anyway, white people are hardly immune to jealousy over interracial relationships. Please don’t lie to yourself.

You paid her a LOT of notice given the intensely detailed description of your interaction/encounter with her. You noticed her one whole hell of a lot.

Right? Seems like PP was obsessed and staring at these women, so much for "pretending not to notice them".

You and PP sound like the kind of white women the black lady was describing. The hit dog….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[b]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. He's biracial not black.

2. the fact that you asked this question and can't seem to figure out how not be offensive or think there's some sort of " black check list" is offensive and doesn't bode well for you.

In America, biracial is just a theoretical term in my opinion. If one of the parent is Black, that child is black. I don't care if has green eyes with fair skin he is black!

Well you're wrong, and your opinion is dated and racist.

How is it racist? That is exactly how race works in this country. No one cares what race your parents are when forming an opinion of you. If you look black, you will be treated as such. Skin tone is really the determining factor here. Not parentage. I know some hate to hear that.

+1000

White people with Black kids hate to hear this, but your relatives are the ones who set it up this way and who are maintaining it. My “biracial” son gets the Scary Black Man treatment from white people all the time and he just became a teenager. His light skin, loose curls, caucasoid nose, and he just became a teenager and the fact that he’s a child don’t save him from the negative stereotypes that white people attach to any indication of Black ancestry. He could call him self “biracial” if he wanted, but it would be a waste of time because he is Black in the eyes of white society and you all never let him forget it.

Dress him preppy and he'll pass for white.

[Anonymous]

Do you follow educated black women on social media? I'd start there. I have learned so much (as a white woman who grew up in the white burbs) just from following and watching. Obviously there are some big rocks that are the same, but there are many that are not. But the politics and struggles of daily life in Black America is not the same as suburb white girl America. It's just not.

Pop quiz: how does his family feel about OJ and why? And now yours? And why?

[Anonymous]

I am a Southern Black woman married to a European man. Daughters have blue eyes, fair skin. My parents, sisters, and I all have college degrees.

My honest reaction is that you need to meet men your husband's age to discuss this. The truth must come from a man, not a woman or person from another background.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. He's biracial not black.

2. the fact that you asked this question and can't seem to figure out how not be offensive or think there's some sort of " black check list" is offensive and doesn't bode well for you.

In America, biracial is just a theoretical term in my opinion. If one of the parent is Black, that child is black. I don't care if has green eyes with fair skin he is black!

Well you're wrong, and your opinion is dated and racist.

How is it racist? That is exactly how race works in this country. No one cares what race your parents are when forming an opinion of you. If you look black, you will be treated as such. Skin tone is really the determining factor here. Not parentage. I know some hate to hear that.

But you said even if fair skin and green eyes. So doesn’t look black and won’t be treated as such.

You haven't been around many black people have you?

There are many many black people with fair skin and green eyes. And those are black people with two black parents.

No I'm pointing out your contradictory statements.

1) If you look black, you will be treated as such. Skin tone is really the determining factor here.

and

2) If one of the parent is Black, that child is black

Have you been around enough biracial people to know that they don't always look black? You're clearly no expert if you make such obviously contradictory statements.

Biracial people mixed with Black are Black. Nothing contradictory here.. 99.99% of people with a black parent and a white parent still look black. I know it hurts to admit.

A large amount of biracial people look white. You just don’t realize it. Much more common than people realize.

You’re spouting an outdated trope.

Nah. A miniscule number could pass for white. Most black people can still clock them though. It's usually others who are confused.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Punnet square, lol, how British. Let’s go pick some strawberries.

Huh??? How is a punnet square British? Didn’t we all learn this in 8th grade biology?

[Anonymous]

Lawd y’all need to come to LA. Literally everyone in Southern California dates outside their race and it’s weird for people to care this much about who is dating black men.

[Anonymous]

Op, I hope you follow your heart and have a great relationship with this man. He is the product of interracial mixing, hopefully a product of love, and so hopefully his family will be open to your relationship. I am in an interracial marriage for 20 years, though not black/white. We have more in common than I have with many people I meet who share my background. We have two beautiful girls who identify with both of our races, though one is lighter skinned.