What do I need to know about dating a black man, as a white woman?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm Latino, but I'll try to answer.

Don't do any cringe things like ask questions about his hair.

Don't assume his family is dirt poor or that none of them went to college.

Don't be surprised when random Black women give you two dirty looks or speak about you loudly.

Personally, I'd try to frequent bars/hang out places that attract a mixed race crowd, as opposed to places where either of you would be one of the only non-White or non-Black people there.

Why do you assume black people are poor or didn’t attend college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. He's biracial not black.

2. the fact that you asked this question and can't seem to figure out how not be offensive or think there's some sort of " black check list" is offensive and doesn't bode well for you.

In America, biracial is just a theoretical term in my opinion. If one of the parent is Black, that child is black. I don't care if has green eyes with fair skin he is black!

Well you're wrong, and your opinion is dated and racist.

How is it racist? That is exactly how race works in this country. No one cares what race your parents are when forming an opinion of you. If you look black, you will be treated as such. Skin tone is really the determining factor here. Not parentage. I know some hate to hear that.

You're talking one drop rule which is dated and racist. You've been educated instead of standing 10 toes down do better now that you know better.

[Anonymous]

[b]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. He's biracial not black.

2. the fact that you asked this question and can't seem to figure out how not be offensive or think there's some sort of " black check list" is offensive and doesn't bode well for you.

In America, biracial is just a theoretical term in my opinion. If one of the parent is Black, that child is black. I don't care if has green eyes with fair skin he is black!

Well you're wrong, and your opinion is dated and racist.

How is it racist? That is exactly how race works in this country. No one cares what race your parents are when forming an opinion of you. If you look black, you will be treated as such. Skin tone is really the determining factor here. Not parentage. I know some hate to hear that.

+1000

White people with Black kids hate to hear this, but your relatives are the ones who set it up this way and who are maintaining it. My “biracial” son gets the Scary Black Man treatment from white people all the time and he just became a teenager. His light skin, loose curls, caucasoid nose, and he just became a teenager and the fact that he’s a child don’t save him from the negative stereotypes that white people attach to any indication of Black ancestry. He could call him self “biracial” if he wanted, but it would be a waste of time because he is Black in the eyes of white society and you all never let him forget it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. He's biracial not black.

2. the fact that you asked this question and can't seem to figure out how not be offensive or think there's some sort of " black check list" is offensive and doesn't bode well for you.

In America, biracial is just a theoretical term in my opinion. If one of the parent is Black, that child is black. I don't care if has green eyes with fair skin he is black!

Well you're wrong, and your opinion is dated and racist.

How is it racist? That is exactly how race works in this country. No one cares what race your parents are when forming an opinion of you. If you look black, you will be treated as such. Skin tone is really the determining factor here. Not parentage. I know some hate to hear that.

You're talking one drop rule which is dated and racist. You've been educated instead of standing 10 toes down do better now that you know better.

Go drink some warm milk and take a nap. Adults are talking about real life. The one drop rule is still the rule in American society regardless of how you want to lie to yourself.

[Anonymous]

as someone in a mixed race marriage, understand that silent racism is VERY real and it's everywhere. Your BF knows this but you have likely never experienced this or been clued in to how this plays out in every day real life. After we have been together for so many years, I've learned how my DH has dealt with this - most of the time he says it's like water off a duck's back but there are still times when he is sensitive to the "eyes" on us - especially when we are traveling in new places. I've become much more aware and sensitive to this as well - and I typically am on the receiving of the unwelcome looks.

you will likely feel the uncomfortableness of these "eyes" on you - he is likely immune as he has been dealing with this his entire life. If you really like/love him, then do not be afraid to show it (hand holding, acceptable PDA) - b/c you should not GAF about what anyone else thinks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm Latino, but I'll try to answer.

Don't do any cringe things like ask questions about his hair.

Don't assume his family is dirt poor or that none of them went to college.

Don't be surprised when random Black women give you two dirty looks or speak about you loudly.

Personally, I'd try to frequent bars/hang out places that attract a mixed race crowd, as opposed to places where either of you would be one of the only non-White or non-Black people there.

Thank you for this! I've already caught a few surprised/dirty looks.

+2 I dated a Black Hispanic/Latino guy, he 110% identified as Hispanic, family from DR, spoke fluent Spanish, etc. etc. and he mostly dated white and Hispanic girls, and when we started dating he was like, we can’t go to these few bars because the girls I’ve dated have had drinks poured on them there by black girls. White people never cared.

Lol. White women care very much when it’s a Black woman with an attractive, successful white man. I’m a Black woman who has only dated white men and who has been married to a white man for over 10 years. Dealing with white women has been a headache. I had virtually only white girlfriends until I got engaged at 26 and then one by one, they all seemed to become rabid and deranged. One actually told me that my husband and I aren’t meant to be because she allegedly had a dream in which my husband was marrying a blonde.

Last week, I got elbowed by a white woman at, of all things, a fundraiser for impoverished DC-area children. She smiled at my husband when he walked in, stared at him all the way until he sat next to me (I entered first while he parked the car), and then widened her eyes and scowled when he kissed me. My husband is tall, handsome, and dresses like the descendant of Boston Brahmins that he is lol. Karen and her friend kept staring at me and my husband as we pretended not to notice them. When I went to the bathroom, Karen was standing outside it and as I exited, she entered without giving me a chance to finish leaving, and made sure to “accidentally” elbow me on the way in. Par for the course. I didn’t pay her any attention because trash is beneath my notice.

Anyway, white people are hardly immune to jealousy over interracial relationships. Please don’t lie to yourself.

I'm really sorry you have had to endure these kinds of experiences. So unacceptable.

I grew up about 20 minutes from Mike Pence (that should tell you how white and conservative it is). Racism may not have been as overt back in the day but it was always more overt than it is in this area. So many white people in the DCUM bubble have no idea what it's like out there.

[Anonymous]

that dating is one thing and marrying + kids is another.

You need to understand that raising black children is an additional layer of complexity especially as someone who isnt black yourself. If you have black sons, your husband will be able to guide. If you have black daughters, reach out to family members or friends so you can understand their experience(s) and ensure your girls are surrounded by black women.

And you can 100% be an ally, but until you have your own black kids existing in this world, you have no idea how much navigating there is on a day-to-day basis and how much teaching you need to do.

I wouldnt change a thing about my life and who I choose to marry and have kids with but it really didnt hit me until I was raising black children. We all do our best to put our children in the best scenarios and protect them but there is 100% an additional level to raising black children. What you name them, what you teach them, how they are taught to navigate the outside world, how they have to dress and conduct themselves at all times, that they will always be seen as more aggressive than they are or in the case of a female, more sexual. It starts as soon as pre-K with what behavior spectrum children of color are allowed to exhibit versus white children. d

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. He's biracial not black.

2. the fact that you asked this question and can't seem to figure out how not be offensive or think there's some sort of " black check list" is offensive and doesn't bode well for you.

In America, biracial is just a theoretical term in my opinion. If one of the parent is Black, that child is black. I don't care if has green eyes with fair skin he is black!

Well you're wrong, and your opinion is dated and racist.

How is it racist? That is exactly how race works in this country. No one cares what race your parents are when forming an opinion of you. If you look black, you will be treated as such. Skin tone is really the determining factor here. Not parentage. I know some hate to hear that.

But you said even if fair skin and green eyes. So doesn’t look black and won’t be treated as such.

You haven't been around many black people have you?

There are many many black people with fair skin and green eyes. And those are black people with two black parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the first time I've dated outside my race. He's actually biracial, and we're REALLY liking each other. We've just hit the point of introducing each other to the other's friends. I want to be respectful and aware of ... whatever I should know. Just not sure what that is. I come from a very white background - my HS had about 1600 kids and fewer than ten were black. So although my friend group now is much more diverse, I just don't know what ... I don't know.

This question gives me chills. I’m a Black woman who is married to a white male equivalent of you. Worst mistake of my life.

You didn’t realize that his sensitivity annoyed you until after you were married?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. He's biracial not black.

2. the fact that you asked this question and can't seem to figure out how not be offensive or think there's some sort of " black check list" is offensive and doesn't bode well for you.

In America, biracial is just a theoretical term in my opinion. If one of the parent is Black, that child is black. I don't care if has green eyes with fair skin he is black!

Well you're wrong, and your opinion is dated and racist.

How is it racist? That is exactly how race works in this country. No one cares what race your parents are when forming an opinion of you. If you look black, you will be treated as such. Skin tone is really the determining factor here. Not parentage. I know some hate to hear that.

But you said even if fair skin and green eyes. So doesn’t look black and won’t be treated as such.

You haven't been around many black people have you?

There are many many black people with fair skin and green eyes. And those are black people with two black parents.

I have black relatives and the only one that has green eyes wears colored contacts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. He's biracial not black.

2. the fact that you asked this question and can't seem to figure out how not be offensive or think there's some sort of " black check list" is offensive and doesn't bode well for you.

In America, biracial is just a theoretical term in my opinion. If one of the parent is Black, that child is black. I don't care if has green eyes with fair skin he is black!

Well you're wrong, and your opinion is dated and racist.

How is it racist? That is exactly how race works in this country. No one cares what race your parents are when forming an opinion of you. If you look black, you will be treated as such. Skin tone is really the determining factor here. Not parentage. I know some hate to hear that.

But you said even if fair skin and green eyes. So doesn’t look black and won’t be treated as such.

You haven't been around many black people have you?

There are many many black people with fair skin and green eyes. And those are black people with two black parents.

I have black relatives and the only one that has green eyes wears colored contacts.

So youve never heard of "passing"?

[Anonymous]

OP, just enjoy dating. Don’t stress about the differences too much, and if they start to become too much, you or he can always end the relationship. That’s what dating is for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:that dating is one thing and marrying + kids is another.

You need to understand that raising black children is an additional layer of complexity especially as someone who isnt black yourself. If you have black sons, your husband will be able to guide. If you have black daughters, reach out to family members or friends so you can understand their experience(s) and ensure your girls are surrounded by black women.

And you can 100% be an ally, but until you have your own black kids existing in this world, you have no idea how much navigating there is on a day-to-day basis and how much teaching you need to do.

I wouldnt change a thing about my life and who I choose to marry and have kids with but it really didnt hit me until I was raising black children. We all do our best to put our children in the best scenarios and protect them but there is 100% an additional level to raising black children. What you name them, what you teach them, how they are taught to navigate the outside world, how they have to dress and conduct themselves at all times, that they will always be seen as more aggressive than they are or in the case of a female, more sexual. It starts as soon as pre-K with what behavior spectrum children of color are allowed to exhibit versus white children. d

Are you a white parent? What donyou have to teach them thats different?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. He's biracial not black.

2. the fact that you asked this question and can't seem to figure out how not be offensive or think there's some sort of " black check list" is offensive and doesn't bode well for you.

In America, biracial is just a theoretical term in my opinion. If one of the parent is Black, that child is black. I don't care if has green eyes with fair skin he is black!

Well you're wrong, and your opinion is dated and racist.

How is it racist? That is exactly how race works in this country. No one cares what race your parents are when forming an opinion of you. If you look black, you will be treated as such. Skin tone is really the determining factor here. Not parentage. I know some hate to hear that.

But you said even if fair skin and green eyes. So doesn’t look black and won’t be treated as such.

You haven't been around many black people have you?

There are many many black people with fair skin and green eyes. And those are black people with two black parents.

I have black relatives and the only one that has green eyes wears colored contacts.

So youve never heard of "passing"?

Oh, not only have I heard of it, but once I was conscripted to help with it. I thought it was cruel to do that to a child but adults can do what they want. That little girl screamed, poor thing.

Huh? How old are you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. He's biracial not black.

2. the fact that you asked this question and can't seem to figure out how not be offensive or think there's some sort of " black check list" is offensive and doesn't bode well for you.

In America, biracial is just a theoretical term in my opinion. If one of the parent is Black, that child is black. I don't care if has green eyes with fair skin he is black!

Well you're wrong, and your opinion is dated and racist.

How is it racist? That is exactly how race works in this country. No one cares what race your parents are when forming an opinion of you. If you look black, you will be treated as such. Skin tone is really the determining factor here. Not parentage. I know some hate to hear that.

But you said even if fair skin and green eyes. So doesn’t look black and won’t be treated as such.

You haven't been around many black people have you?

There are many many black people with fair skin and green eyes. And those are black people with two black parents.

I have black relatives and the only one that has green eyes wears colored contacts.

What does that have to do with the black population having naturally green eyes? Just because your family doesn't have it naturally doesn't mean it's not a thing.