What do I need to know about dating a black man, as a white woman?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm Latino, but I'll try to answer.

Don't do any cringe things like ask questions about his hair.

Don't assume his family is dirt poor or that none of them went to college.

Don't be surprised when random Black women give you two dirty looks or speak about you loudly.

Personally, I'd try to frequent bars/hang out places that attract a mixed race crowd, as opposed to places where either of you would be one of the only non-White or non-Black people there.

Thank you for this! I've already caught a few surprised/dirty looks.

+2 I dated a Black Hispanic/Latino guy, he 110% identified as Hispanic, family from DR, spoke fluent Spanish, etc. etc. and he mostly dated white and Hispanic girls, and when we started dating he was like, we can’t go to these few bars because the girls I’ve dated have had drinks poured on them there by black girls. White people never cared.

Lol. White women care very much when it’s a Black woman with an attractive, successful white man. I’m a Black woman who has only dated white men and who has been married to a white man for over 10 years. Dealing with white women has been a headache. I had virtually only white girlfriends until I got engaged at 26 and then one by one, they all seemed to become rabid and deranged. One actually told me that my husband and I aren’t meant to be because she allegedly had a dream in which my husband was marrying a blonde.

Last week, I got elbowed by a white woman at, of all things, a fundraiser for impoverished DC-area children. She smiled at my husband when he walked in, stared at him all the way until he sat next to me (I entered first while he parked the car), and then widened her eyes and scowled when he kissed me. My husband is tall, handsome, and dresses like the descendant of Boston Brahmins that he is lol. Karen and her friend kept staring at me and my husband as we pretended not to notice them. When I went to the bathroom, Karen was standing outside it and as I exited, she entered without giving me a chance to finish leaving, and made sure to “accidentally” elbow me on the way in. Par for the course. I didn’t pay her any attention because trash is beneath my notice.

Anyway, white people are hardly immune to jealousy over interracial relationships. Please don’t lie to yourself.

Girl know one cares. Some white women get jealous and some black women get jealous. Most could care less about your race or your husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the first time I've dated outside my race. He's actually biracial, and we're REALLY liking each other. We've just hit the point of introducing each other to the other's friends. I want to be respectful and aware of ... whatever I should know. Just not sure what that is. I come from a very white background - my HS had about 1600 kids and fewer than ten were black. So although my friend group now is much more diverse, I just don't know what ... I don't know.

This question gives me chills. I’m a Black woman who is married to a white male equivalent of you. Worst mistake of my life.

WTF does that mean and who talks like that?!?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm Latino, but I'll try to answer.

Don't do any cringe things like ask questions about his hair.

Don't assume his family is dirt poor or that none of them went to college.

Don't be surprised when random Black women give you two dirty looks or speak about you loudly.

Personally, I'd try to frequent bars/hang out places that attract a mixed race crowd, as opposed to places where either of you would be one of the only non-White or non-Black people there.

Thank you for this! I've already caught a few surprised/dirty looks.

+2 I dated a Black Hispanic/Latino guy, he 110% identified as Hispanic, family from DR, spoke fluent Spanish, etc. etc. and he mostly dated white and Hispanic girls, and when we started dating he was like, we can’t go to these few bars because the girls I’ve dated have had drinks poured on them there by black girls. White people never cared.

Lol. White women care very much when it’s a Black woman with an attractive, successful white man. I’m a Black woman who has only dated white men and who has been married to a white man for over 10 years. Dealing with white women has been a headache. I had virtually only white girlfriends until I got engaged at 26 and then one by one, they all seemed to become rabid and deranged. One actually told me that my husband and I aren’t meant to be because she allegedly had a dream in which my husband was marrying a blonde.

Last week, I got elbowed by a white woman at, of all things, a fundraiser for impoverished DC-area children. She smiled at my husband when he walked in, stared at him all the way until he sat next to me (I entered first while he parked the car), and then widened her eyes and scowled when he kissed me. My husband is tall, handsome, and dresses like the descendant of Boston Brahmins that he is lol. Karen and her friend kept staring at me and my husband as we pretended not to notice them. When I went to the bathroom, Karen was standing outside it and as I exited, she entered without giving me a chance to finish leaving, and made sure to “accidentally” elbow me on the way in. Par for the course. I didn’t pay her any attention because trash is beneath my notice.

Anyway, white people are hardly immune to jealousy over interracial relationships. Please don’t lie to yourself.

Girl know one cares. Some white women get jealous and some black women get jealous. Most could care less about your race or your husband.

I’m not sure what to make of “no one cares”
and ‘some people do’ in the same post. Try to make sense.

[Anonymous]

I dated a black man for 7 years. College boyfriend. My parents cut me off. I barely speak to them now even though I am closer to 50 than 40. He was the best relationship I ever had.

[Anonymous]

Interesting question....I am bi-racial my mom is White and my dad is African. My dad's family is extremely wealthy, with a vast real estate portfolio. My grandparents sent him here to Stanford and paid all his expenses. Anyways the point I want to make is that you may be surprised to find out that sometimes the folks we expect to fit all the stereotypes come from background that are far more "sophisticated" than ours. I think its a green flag that you are inquiring. Best of luck to you.

[Anonymous]

My college roommate and best friend is Black. It could be my family so I don't want to generalize, but I found his family far more united and "real" as opposed to mine. I have stayed with his family one summer for 2 months and it was amazing. They never saw me as the "White boy" and accepted me as if I were a relative. I don't know but White families can be weird sometimes.

[Anonymous]

1. He's biracial not black.

2. the fact that you asked this question and can't seem to figure out how not be offensive or think there's some sort of " black check list" is offensive and doesn't bode well for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. He's biracial not black.

2. the fact that you asked this question and can't seem to figure out how not be offensive or think there's some sort of " black check list" is offensive and doesn't bode well for you.

In America, biracial is just a theoretical term in my opinion. If one of the parent is Black, that child is black. I don't care if has green eyes with fair skin he is black!

[Anonymous]

Don't joke about race, even if everyone is saying something or dancing around it, just don't.

When you inevitably do joke about race because you got drunk or felt it would land right, don't twist yourself into knots with regret after everyone does not react well. They won't hold it against you and half expected it anyway.

It's novel for now but don't focus so much on race, you're just two people who like each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. He's biracial not black.

2. the fact that you asked this question and can't seem to figure out how not be offensive or think there's some sort of " black check list" is offensive and doesn't bode well for you.

OP here. I said black because he presents as black. Nobody would ever mistake him for being white.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. He's biracial not black.

2. the fact that you asked this question and can't seem to figure out how not be offensive or think there's some sort of " black check list" is offensive and doesn't bode well for you.

In America, biracial is just a theoretical term in my opinion. If one of the parent is Black, that child is black. I don't care if has green eyes with fair skin he is black!

Well you're wrong, and your opinion is dated and racist.

[Anonymous]

OP I will chime in as a black woman who has had a white boyfriend.

1) Don’t Tell or laugh about race jokes (this caused me and my boyfriend to break up)

2) understand that you will have different opinions and societal vantage points and respect that

3) if something around race comes up and is triggering to your significant other please be compassionate or else your not ready

4) listen to him

5) relax

6) be prepared for outside hostility. It will happen at some point. Could be a stranger or someone you know.

[Anonymous]

*or else you’re not ready

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. He's biracial not black.

2. the fact that you asked this question and can't seem to figure out how not be offensive or think there's some sort of " black check list" is offensive and doesn't bode well for you.

In America, biracial is just a theoretical term in my opinion. If one of the parent is Black, that child is black. I don't care if has green eyes with fair skin he is black!

Well you're wrong, and your opinion is dated and racist.

How is it racist? That is exactly how race works in this country. No one cares what race your parents are when forming an opinion of you. If you look black, you will be treated as such. Skin tone is really the determining factor here. Not parentage. I know some hate to hear that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. He's biracial not black.

2. the fact that you asked this question and can't seem to figure out how not be offensive or think there's some sort of " black check list" is offensive and doesn't bode well for you.

In America, biracial is just a theoretical term in my opinion. If one of the parent is Black, that child is black. I don't care if has green eyes with fair skin he is black!

Well you're wrong, and your opinion is dated and racist.

How is it racist? That is exactly how race works in this country. No one cares what race your parents are when forming an opinion of you. If you look black, you will be treated as such. Skin tone is really the determining factor here. Not parentage. I know some hate to hear that.

But you said even if fair skin and green eyes. So doesn’t look black and won’t be treated as such.