“She’s like one of the guys”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a lot of guy friends (but also girl friends) so I've probably had this said about me. I get along with guys, can talk about sports or their relationships, and I'm basically unthreatening. I'm reasonably attractive but not overtly sexy. When I meet their girlfriends or wives, I'm welcoming. If I were an incel, I'd say I get friend-zoned, but in my case, friend zone is just fine.

Yes, I like having male and female friends. There was a period of time in my late 20s when I especially liked make friendship because it asked so little of me. I could meet a friend at a bar, we could watch a game and have a couple drinks, and talk about nothing for a couple hours, and then go home. That was a time when I felt like a lot of my girlfriends just wanted to talk so much about relationships, dating, friend drama, etc. I had a stressful job and my own love life was going very poorly with a string of unserious relationships that went nowhere, some with guys who weren't that nice to me. It was a relief to have friends who didn't want to rehash every detail, didn't need me to validate them, never compared themselves to me (in flattering or unflattering ways), and were ok doing low-key things that didn't involve getting dressed up and trying to meet people.

I held onto the guy friends from that era and they remain some of my closest friends. I also have close female friends who I appreciate for other reasons. But back then, being one of the guys meant they'd call me to go watch baseball on a Tuesday over beer and all I had to show up and be myself.

I think women could learn something from male friendship. I wish I could have such low effort friendships with women. I think it would be good for us!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a lot of guy friends (but also girl friends) so I've probably had this said about me. I get along with guys, can talk about sports or their relationships, and I'm basically unthreatening. I'm reasonably attractive but not overtly sexy. When I meet their girlfriends or wives, I'm welcoming. If I were an incel, I'd say I get friend-zoned, but in my case, friend zone is just fine.

Yes, I like having male and female friends. There was a period of time in my late 20s when I especially liked make friendship because it asked so little of me. I could meet a friend at a bar, we could watch a game and have a couple drinks, and talk about nothing for a couple hours, and then go home. That was a time when I felt like a lot of my girlfriends just wanted to talk so much about relationships, dating, friend drama, etc. I had a stressful job and my own love life was going very poorly with a string of unserious relationships that went nowhere, some with guys who weren't that nice to me. It was a relief to have friends who didn't want to rehash every detail, didn't need me to validate them, never compared themselves to me (in flattering or unflattering ways), and were ok doing low-key things that didn't involve getting dressed up and trying to meet people.

I held onto the guy friends from that era and they remain some of my closest friends. I also have close female friends who I appreciate for other reasons. But back then, being one of the guys meant they'd call me to go watch baseball on a Tuesday over beer and all I had to show up and be myself.

I think women could learn something from male friendship. I wish I could have such low effort friendships with women. I think it would be good for us!

You either didn't know how to pick your female friends or hold women to higher standards, which leads you to find women to be worst friends, even if they're not. I'm "one of the guys" and also have many female friends. Never had issues with them that I wouldn't have with my male friends, which weren't common either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a lot of guy friends (but also girl friends) so I've probably had this said about me. I get along with guys, can talk about sports or their relationships, and I'm basically unthreatening. I'm reasonably attractive but not overtly sexy. When I meet their girlfriends or wives, I'm welcoming. If I were an incel, I'd say I get friend-zoned, but in my case, friend zone is just fine.

Yes, I like having male and female friends. There was a period of time in my late 20s when I especially liked make friendship because it asked so little of me. I could meet a friend at a bar, we could watch a game and have a couple drinks, and talk about nothing for a couple hours, and then go home. That was a time when I felt like a lot of my girlfriends just wanted to talk so much about relationships, dating, friend drama, etc. I had a stressful job and my own love life was going very poorly with a string of unserious relationships that went nowhere, some with guys who weren't that nice to me. It was a relief to have friends who didn't want to rehash every detail, didn't need me to validate them, never compared themselves to me (in flattering or unflattering ways), and were ok doing low-key things that didn't involve getting dressed up and trying to meet people.

I held onto the guy friends from that era and they remain some of my closest friends. I also have close female friends who I appreciate for other reasons. But back then, being one of the guys meant they'd call me to go watch baseball on a Tuesday over beer and all I had to show up and be myself.

I think women could learn something from male friendship. I wish I could have such low effort friendships with women. I think it would be good for us!

You either didn't know how to pick your female friends or hold women to higher standards, which leads you to find women to be worst friends, even if they're not. I'm "one of the guys" and also have many female friends. Never had issues with them that I wouldn't have with my male friends, which weren't common either.

Or you just don’t get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a lot of guy friends (but also girl friends) so I've probably had this said about me. I get along with guys, can talk about sports or their relationships, and I'm basically unthreatening. I'm reasonably attractive but not overtly sexy. When I meet their girlfriends or wives, I'm welcoming. If I were an incel, I'd say I get friend-zoned, but in my case, friend zone is just fine.

Yes, I like having male and female friends. There was a period of time in my late 20s when I especially liked make friendship because it asked so little of me. I could meet a friend at a bar, we could watch a game and have a couple drinks, and talk about nothing for a couple hours, and then go home. That was a time when I felt like a lot of my girlfriends just wanted to talk so much about relationships, dating, friend drama, etc. I had a stressful job and my own love life was going very poorly with a string of unserious relationships that went nowhere, some with guys who weren't that nice to me. It was a relief to have friends who didn't want to rehash every detail, didn't need me to validate them, never compared themselves to me (in flattering or unflattering ways), and were ok doing low-key things that didn't involve getting dressed up and trying to meet people.

I held onto the guy friends from that era and they remain some of my closest friends. I also have close female friends who I appreciate for other reasons. But back then, being one of the guys meant they'd call me to go watch baseball on a Tuesday over beer and all I had to show up and be myself.

I think women could learn something from male friendship. I wish I could have such low effort friendships with women. I think it would be good for us!

You either didn't know how to pick your female friends or hold women to higher standards, which leads you to find women to be worst friends, even if they're not. I'm "one of the guys" and also have many female friends. Never had issues with them that I wouldn't have with my male friends, which weren't common either.

Nope, I was just mentally in a different space than my female friends during that time in my life and my male friendships offered me more of what I needed. As I said, I still have plenty of female friends and at other times in my life, they've been more primary. But sometimes I want to sit at a bar watching a meaningless baseball game and discussing the shift, and it's really hard to find women willing to do that. It is a version of friendship I really like and it's much more common among men. That doesn't mean I don't like women or hold them to a different standard, it means that I can't get all my friendship needs met with women.

Sometimes I need to talk something to death, too, and my guy friends aren't great for that. It just depends.

[Anonymous]

I work in a male dominated industry and I might seem like a “one of the guys” woman but I never catch the guys checking each other out the way they do me.

We are all friends and they are great guys but I think most guys would be lying if they said they hadn’t thought about an attractive woman sexually, friend or not. If the guys don’t want to f each other but would f you, you aren’t really one of them. Which is fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s hilarious how mad women in this board get about this. They sound like the woman version of incels (femcels or ran thru).

So true!

I think you are onto something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a lot of guy friends (but also girl friends) so I've probably had this said about me. I get along with guys, can talk about sports or their relationships, and I'm basically unthreatening. I'm reasonably attractive but not overtly sexy. When I meet their girlfriends or wives, I'm welcoming. If I were an incel, I'd say I get friend-zoned, but in my case, friend zone is just fine.

Yes, I like having male and female friends. There was a period of time in my late 20s when I especially liked make friendship because it asked so little of me. I could meet a friend at a bar, we could watch a game and have a couple drinks, and talk about nothing for a couple hours, and then go home. That was a time when I felt like a lot of my girlfriends just wanted to talk so much about relationships, dating, friend drama, etc. I had a stressful job and my own love life was going very poorly with a string of unserious relationships that went nowhere, some with guys who weren't that nice to me. It was a relief to have friends who didn't want to rehash every detail, didn't need me to validate them, never compared themselves to me (in flattering or unflattering ways), and were ok doing low-key things that didn't involve getting dressed up and trying to meet people.

I held onto the guy friends from that era and they remain some of my closest friends. I also have close female friends who I appreciate for other reasons. But back then, being one of the guys meant they'd call me to go watch baseball on a Tuesday over beer and all I had to show up and be myself.

I think women could learn something from male friendship. I wish I could have such low effort friendships with women. I think it would be good for us!

You either didn't know how to pick your female friends or hold women to higher standards, which leads you to find women to be worst friends, even if they're not. I'm "one of the guys" and also have many female friends. Never had issues with them that I wouldn't have with my male friends, which weren't common either.

Or you just don’t get it.

You're in this thread too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s supposed to be a “compliment” but it’s actually a way to insult other women.

You’re not one of the guys cause you’re always making something out of nothing. This is the exact thing men avoid in friends

My point exactly. The implication is that drama is exclusive to women. It's not. Some men actually shoot each other. "One of the guys" for sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s supposed to be a “compliment” but it’s actually a way to insult other women. [/quote

It is a compliment. If you were offended it’s because of jealousy and likely the reason you’ll never be one of the guys.

DP. It’s gross because it aligns certain universally desirable traits (like being low-drama) with masculinity and so then the “compliment” to the woman is based on the implication that most women do not share these traits by virtue of being women. My crowd is mixed-gender and no one says any bs like “you’ll never be one of the guys.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s supposed to be a “compliment” but it’s actually a way to insult other women.

You’re not one of the guys cause you’re always making something out of nothing. This is the exact thing men avoid in friends

My point exactly. The implication is that drama is exclusive to women. It's not. Some men actually shoot each other. "One of the guys" for sure.

I think that people expect women to be non-argumentative, supportive and almost motherly to other. Men are not expected to be any of these things. When men gossip and low key bully each other is not seen nearly as offensive as when women do it, in fact, it's not even noticed or it's seen as an issue with individual men and not as an issue of the group as whole.

Growing up, i remember how judgmental and critical some women were to each other. When I started hanging out with men I noticed the same paterns in some of them. They would insult each other's masculinity, sh!t on women that did not live up to their standards and a few of them would even go as far as to start fights.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s supposed to be a “compliment” but it’s actually a way to insult other women.

+1

She's "just" one of the guys.... but she's not a guy and inferior to one.

Subtext - not even datable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s supposed to be a “compliment” but it’s actually a way to insult other women.

+1

She's "just" one of the guys.... but she's not a guy and inferior to one.

Subtext - not even datable.

no drama queens ,.... just no

[Anonymous]

It means theyre not super attracted to you but they like you and see you kind of the same way they would see a sister or friend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s an old-timey saying that was said around 15-30 years ago. Nobody thinks girls are or can be just one of the guys anymore for obvious reasons.

Agree, the only people I know who use it are senior citizens or close to it.