Teens bedroom is a health hazard but teen won't clean it. CPS breathing down my neck. Wtd?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take her to a psychologist.

Did you not read the post? She doesn't cooperate.

I think OP should just send her to her dad's. Everyone seems to want to diagnose drug addiction or punishments to solve this but taking away her phone isn't anything near as severe as "weekend boot camp" that she's already done. She doesn't want to be with her mom and she shouldn't have to be.

If you give up on this kid like that, she will likely be a hoarder in her future. Not to be overly dramatic but a lot of homeless suffer from being a hoarder and are unable to keep jobs because of it.

This needs medication, therapy and a good parenting strategy.

And yeah op you can’t let it go to once a month! Don’t you clean your own room more often? Why does she only get hers once a month?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What? Her friend’s parents called CPS for a dirty room?

It’s a hoarders room. You have to start by removing almost everything from her room when she’s not home. She should only have a bed, a bureau with a week’s worth of clothes and that’s it. Don’t buy any food that she would want to bring into her room. No snack food. Every night you would need to look around the room. It would be easy without junk in there. This type of hoarding can be a type of mental illness which is hard to stop.

This is exactly what I was going to say. It’s hard to imagine that things get so bad in one week. But the answer is to remove everything. Keep snacks locked up. Avoid the problem.

I actually had to do this with one of my kids. My kid came to us through foster care so hoarding wasn’t a surprise. But it’s not healthy. It took quite awhile but it resolved and we were able to get them to a healthy place.

[Anonymous]

Sending a hoarding child to live with a hoarder may not be deemed doing OP's duty of care.

https://www.brettpritchardlaw.com/blog/2021/may/5-stages-of-the-child-protective-services-cps-in/

OP, talking at CPS about how you cannot manage your home only helps them build a case, can you see that? You DO control the state of the room, take everything out. Something is up with you that you have responded by letting it get very bad MONTHLY and that you feel powerless over it. Perhaps patterns from living with her hoarder father.

YOU are allowing all of your children to live in a home where one room is full of bugs and rotting food and you thought you were blocked by a child from changing it. CPS is right to be concerned not just about the room but about your parenting. What do you think the other reports may have been about? Do you have depression or executive function issues, OP?

Regardless, take everything out, do not buy snack foods. All meals at kitchen table or dining room table. Room is bare but for bed and nightstand. Put 5 outfits in a storage bin and she can pick 1 from it each morning, it is kept in your bedroom. Her room is cleaned every night by YOU. YOU are the one who is being investigated, not DD. Your house had a room full of bugs and rotting food that you did not effectively address. Your youngest is traumatized because YOU are not responding effectively to conditions that has CPS visiting.

You need to snap out of the co-dependent fog OP. Your DD is not your ex. Your parenting is on the radar of the system re: the condition of YOUR HOME. The children, no matter how troubled, are not in charge, YOU are. You only stepping up once a month has put the safety of your kids at risk. Your not keeping the room managable > YOU taking time off of work. As a divorced mom of 4 you cannot risk your job.

Do not send her to her father without getting legal advice. Could be out of the frying pan into the fire re: "duty of care." You may need to make it 100% clear that going to live with him is not an option, depending on what the attorney says. How much contact do they have with their dad? Does he work? Has he ever acknowledged his hoarding? If so, perhaps he can work with you? What are his diagnoses?

[Anonymous]

Is there anyway you could take a day off work while teen is in school and take most of items out of the room, except for the minimum amount of clothes for the week, bedding, and a handful of possessions that are most liked by her? Everything else goes in order that you can inspect it daily to throw away any old food or anything else that would attract bugs.

Let her know she can earn back her possessions if she is successfully able to keep food and bugs out.

[Anonymous]

This is fake. Cps does not care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Send her to boarding school.

Or hoarding school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Send her to boarding school.

How do you force a kid to go to boarding school? Tie them up in the car?

Yes. There are professional companies that you hire to abduct your children and take them to the private prison school you enroll her in. Two huge guys come in at night and grab her and put her in the car.
I'm not kidding. You can look it up.

[Anonymous]

This sounds like serious mental illness. I'm sorry you have to go through this OP. I hope she is under medical supervision and trying medication.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Send her to boarding school.

How do you force a kid to go to boarding school? Tie them up in the car?

Yes. There are professional companies that you hire to abduct your children and take them to the private prison school you enroll her in. Two huge guys come in at night and grab her and put her in the car.
I'm not kidding. You can look it up.

I have a relative that is at boarding school. She still elopes. She has been kicked out of one school. Hers is more of a military style boarding school for problem kids. I don’t think any school can force a kid to stay that doesn’t want to be there.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry op, this sounds really rough. I am a little confused though. My former SIL's entire house was like this and CPS said there was nothing they could do. Despite reports (likely from the school) because the kids went to school filthy, without lunch.

At any rate, go through her room. As others suggested just keep her bed. Give her clothes every day. Go in every evening and remove whatever she has gathered. Protect your other kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is fake. Cps does not care.

May not be. OP said she thought that there were "other" reports, possibly, she did not say what the substance of those could be. Rotting food and bugs would be something they would document if they showed up.

[Anonymous]

OP - I am stuck on the idea that you let this go on so long that there are bugs and rotting food. Do you have untreated mental health issues as well?

[Anonymous]

There is no way a friend went home to her parents and said “hey my friend’s room is really messy” and the friend’s parents, without ever seeing the room, said “that sounds bad let’s call CPS,” and then CPS decided that this third hand account of a messy room warranted a visit. Just no way.

Also - plenty of houses have bugs. They don’t take kids away for that. Have you seen the roach killer section in the grocery store? Why do you think that is there?

[Anonymous]

As a former attorney for the state, I have definitely filed petitions that resulted in removing children from homes that were filthy, full of bugs and rotten food and unclean clothing and other textiles etc.

That’s a form of child neglect.

What do you people think the criteria for removal should be?

In another thread I was excoriated for declaring that it is a form of abuse to constantly scream and yell at a child, and posters said that CPS would never remove for that. Wrong. Some parents scream and yell and drive their kids to suicidal ideation and yes, emotional cruelty is a form of child abuse.

I could swear I saw a thread on here about the Michigan parents who were recently convicted of manslaughter connected to their son’s school shooting of several classmates, including four who died.

That boy’s room was a pile of filth and his parents did nothing to help him with obvious serious mental illness including suicidal ideation which he had repeatedly expressed to them. They were too busy with their work and horses and extramarital affairs to take care of the child they brought into this world. Too bad CPS wasn’t advised of the situation before they got the bright idea to buy their kid a 9mm handgun.

[Anonymous]

Why does every behavior issue have to be a mental illness these days? We already have too many kids on dangerous drugs.

OP. Just take away everything except the basics like the bed, bedding, clothes, dressers, hangers, nightstands and lamps. Don't let her take food to her room. She eats in the kitchen and does her homework elsewhere. Throw out all the extras she doesn't need.