11 year old doesn't have any friends with his interests

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's really sad that everyone jumps to ASD just because an 11-year-old isn't all that into video games. They're really boring, people. I don't blame him.

It's not the lack of interest in video games that makes me wonder about autism. It's the difficulty finding (other) common interests or being able to make conversation about anything other than a special interest.

I have two kids, one autistic and one not. Neither is particularly interested in video games. But the difference in their ability to make friends and talk to others is worlds apart. And the OP's description of her son sounds more like my autistic child than my allistic (non-autistic) child.

What? My son doesn't have a special interest. He has tons of interests, they just don't involve video games. And yes, his teachers confirmed that's all his classmates talk about during lunch and recess. Why is no one suggesting THEY branch out?

NP. Because they’re not the ones who are unhappy and unable to connect with friends?

Ignorance is bliss, I guess. Is that where we are? Saying the kids obsessed with video games are just fine because they're happy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's really sad that everyone jumps to ASD just because an 11-year-old isn't all that into video games. They're really boring, people. I don't blame him.

It's not the lack of interest in video games that makes me wonder about autism. It's the difficulty finding (other) common interests or being able to make conversation about anything other than a special interest.

I have two kids, one autistic and one not. Neither is particularly interested in video games. But the difference in their ability to make friends and talk to others is worlds apart. And the OP's description of her son sounds more like my autistic child than my allistic (non-autistic) child.

What? My son doesn't have a special interest. He has tons of interests, they just don't involve video games. And yes, his teachers confirmed that's all his classmates talk about during lunch and recess. Why is no one suggesting THEY branch out?

NP. Because they’re not the ones who are unhappy and unable to connect with friends?

Ignorance is bliss, I guess. Is that where we are? Saying the kids obsessed with video games are just fine because they're happy?

Hmm. I mean, that’s up to their parents, right? If your kid is the one who’s unhappy because no one shares their interest, I don’t think it makes sense to demand that other people’s (seemingly happier, more included) kids should “branch out” to the topics your kid is interested in. You kind of have to work with what you’re given.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a parent I’d be looking at the possible violence associated with military battles. If the obsession has to do with weapons, casualties, etc. it might be time to intervene, especially for someone who is only 11 and has been fixated on this topic for years (and threw a fit when the mom tried to mix it up a bit).

Omg you are insane.

[Anonymous]

OP, some people do not find their "group" until much later in life. That's just how it is. If he wants to make friends and branch out, he will figure out, esp with your help exposing him to different things. If he is someone who is ok and comfortable being by himself, he might not be motivated to branch out to make friends. That's ok too.

Meanwhile, you can take an interest in his interests. And maybe point out connections with other things that he wouldnt have otherwise noticed and that might help him branch out naturally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a college kid who had the same issue. It took until college to find people interested in the sorts of things he is. He is not autistic and has above average social skills.

He preferred talking to adults or older kids most of the time. He found some like minded kids in various activities. For the most part, he was friendly with kids but did not have any friends.

I don't understand the people saying he needs to learn to like what the other kids like. If your workplace chitchat consisted of Harry Styles gossip, what the Kardashians are for breakfast, and fantasy football while you liked college basketball and art films, I wouldn't tell you that your interests are the problem.

+1 NP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First, I would talk to him about balance. He needs to learn some things (like Roblox) that are age appropriate so that he has exposure to and socialization with other kids his age. Tell him that he needs to learn how to interact with kids his age so that he learns some social skills interacting with others.

That said, he also needs to be able to explore his passions, like military history. There are a number of chat rooms out there that discuss historical battles and you or he can find them via Google. Sign him up for an account on one of those chat rooms and monitor the account, his postings and his interactions. But he'll find other military enthusiasts who will enjoy talking about historical battles with him. And he'll learn more about a subject he is passionate about by talking about the subject with other enthusiasts. Just monitor his interactions because most of the other participants will be adults. I have two sons who are very involved in online gaming and communicating with their friends on-line. One side benefit is that this has helped their typing and they type faster and more accurately now. And that has helped them in school as so much is done on the computer. With the increased speed and accuracy, they get less stressed about the time it takes the input their work into the computer.

This is really odd advice

No, actually it’s extremely good advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's really sad that everyone jumps to ASD just because an 11-year-old isn't all that into video games. They're really boring, people. I don't blame him.

It's not the lack of interest in video games that makes me wonder about autism. It's the difficulty finding (other) common interests or being able to make conversation about anything other than a special interest.

I have two kids, one autistic and one not. Neither is particularly interested in video games. But the difference in their ability to make friends and talk to others is worlds apart. And the OP's description of her son sounds more like my autistic child than my allistic (non-autistic) child.

What? My son doesn't have a special interest. He has tons of interests, they just don't involve video games. And yes, his teachers confirmed that's all his classmates talk about during lunch and recess. Why is no one suggesting THEY branch out?

Are you the OP? Your initial post gave the impression that he has narrow interests. If that was wrong, my apologies. In that case, the problem might be a poor fit with his classmates -- that happens, especially in small schools. It's not anyone's fault and no one has to change their interests. You might want to consider changing schools so he fits in better with his peers. There's no reason to pay for a school that's a bad fit.

He has narrow interests,yes, but many of them. I wouldn't consider them ASD-related, at all - he just stumbles across more adult things and wants to discuss them.

Does anyone want to tell her …

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a college kid who had the same issue. It took until college to find people interested in the sorts of things he is. He is not autistic and has above average social skills.

He preferred talking to adults or older kids most of the time. He found some like minded kids in various activities. For the most part, he was friendly with kids but did not have any friends.

I don't understand the people saying he needs to learn to like what the other kids like. If your workplace chitchat consisted of Harry Styles gossip, what the Kardashians are for breakfast, and fantasy football while you liked college basketball and art films, I wouldn't tell you that your interests are the problem.

+1 NP.

It’s the thing to do if your kid is unhappy and has no friends! He can’t change what the other kids like but he can learn to connect with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not what you want to hear. He needs to up his EQ, unless you want him to go through life without friends.

I grew up with someone like your son and she has very few friends. You are giving the same vibes - no one is teasing your kid for being smart at a private school. They are interested in other things. He needs to learn to find common ground. You pursuing the fallacy that he is smarter than the other kids at his school will not be helpful in the long run.

Like I said, he's gotten better. But his interests haven't changed, and that's where the issue is. How do I convince him to watch YouTube videos on Roblox instead of military history? I created a more appropriate playlist of video game videos last week and he was pretty angry about it.

I do not think he is smarter than the other kids. He does, because they tell them so. I don't know how to stop that until they do.

He is smarter than the other kids. Even at a private school.
You may need to look at magnet options (TJ, Blair depending on where you live) to get him with other like-minded kids.

Your current pool is too small.
He will find his group, and go through life with other bright inquisitive friends who don't have their heads stuck in gaming 24x7.

This is a slippery slope, and looks like a person with few if any friends, and no romantic relationships. I know, because I’ve seen it.

People are not saying OP’s son should change his interests. They are saying that he should learn to relate to other people, even if their interests are different. We are not addressing the other kids because that is not their issue right now.

PS - I can talk to people about Harry Styles (even though I can’t ID any of his songs), and the Kardashians (even though I’ve never seen their show). It’s a skill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's really sad that everyone jumps to ASD just because an 11-year-old isn't all that into video games. They're really boring, people. I don't blame him.

It's not the lack of interest in video games that makes me wonder about autism. It's the difficulty finding (other) common interests or being able to make conversation about anything other than a special interest.

I have two kids, one autistic and one not. Neither is particularly interested in video games. But the difference in their ability to make friends and talk to others is worlds apart. And the OP's description of her son sounds more like my autistic child than my allistic (non-autistic) child.

What? My son doesn't have a special interest. He has tons of interests, they just don't involve video games. And yes, his teachers confirmed that's all his classmates talk about during lunch and recess. Why is no one suggesting THEY branch out?

Are you the OP? Your initial post gave the impression that he has narrow interests. If that was wrong, my apologies. In that case, the problem might be a poor fit with his classmates -- that happens, especially in small schools. It's not anyone's fault and no one has to change their interests. You might want to consider changing schools so he fits in better with his peers. There's no reason to pay for a school that's a bad fit.

He has narrow interests,yes, but many of them. I wouldn't consider them ASD-related, at all - he just stumbles across more adult things and wants to discuss them.

Have you heard the term twice exceptional?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a college kid who had the same issue. It took until college to find people interested in the sorts of things he is. He is not autistic and has above average social skills.

He preferred talking to adults or older kids most of the time. He found some like minded kids in various activities. For the most part, he was friendly with kids but did not have any friends.

I don't understand the people saying he needs to learn to like what the other kids like. If your workplace chitchat consisted of Harry Styles gossip, what the Kardashians are for breakfast, and fantasy football while you liked college basketball and art films, I wouldn't tell you that your interests are the problem.

+1 NP.

the problem isn't that he has these interests, it's that he has ONLY these interests and doesn't understand why other kids don't share them. If he wants to make friends he has to learn enough about what the other kids like to participate at least on the fringes, or at least quit trying to turn the conversation to things no one else knows or cares about. Honestly if he just nodded along and smiled and said "me too" occasionally he'd make friends - but if he acts like he's too good for the conversation and other people aren't smart enough to understand his interests, he won't get anywhere, kids will just find him superior and annoying or at least very weird.

I speak from experience. I was this kid too, had some pretty esoteric interests, but I had a high enough EQ to know that and know that I needed to develop some additional mutual interests to fit in. I couldn't learn about the shows other kids watched because my parents wouldn't let me watch them, but I at least could talk about drawing and arts and crafts and that sort of thing the other girls were into. I was always "that kid whose parents don't let her watch TV" but I had good friends. And now at work, yes, I read enough headlines that even though I don't care about sports or Harry Styles or the Kardashians, I know who they are and can nod along enough not to seem too weird. (Plus, I'm of a generation where it's socially acceptable for women not to be into professional sports, so that doesn't hurt.)

[Anonymous]

sounds like he might be autistic. I’d probably get him in social skills classes ASAP and probably an evaluation.

it’s great to be smart, but miserable and lonely to being emotionally and socially inept. if this isn’t managed he’ll just come across insufferable .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[mastodon]

Anonymous wrote:First, I would talk to him about balance. He needs to learn some things (like Roblox) that are age appropriate so that he has exposure to and socialization with other kids his age. Tell him that he needs to learn how to interact with kids his age so that he learns some social skills interacting with others.

That said, he also needs to be able to explore his passions, like military history. There are a number of chat rooms out there that discuss historical battles and you or he can find them via Google. Sign him up for an account on one of those chat rooms and monitor the account, his postings and his interactions. But he'll find other military enthusiasts who will enjoy talking about historical battles with him. And he'll learn more about a subject he is passionate about by talking about the subject with other enthusiasts. Just monitor his interactions because most of the other participants will be adults. I have two sons who are very involved in online gaming and communicating with their friends on-line. One side benefit is that this has helped their typing and they type faster and more accurately now. And that has helped them in school as so much is done on the computer. With the increased speed and accuracy, they get less stressed about the time it takes the input their work into the computer.

Possibly the nuttiest advice I’ve ever read on dcum

and “chat rooms” Lololol!!

[Anonymous]

i have a now 18yr old who was/is very similar. It’s really not a lack of common interests thing, but a social skill problem. It was painful watching my brilliant son be so different and have no clue how to navigate his social life. I had to push him out of his comfort zone (sounds like your son has issues with that considering the inappropriate reaction to suggesting different youtube videos). Sports has become my son’s salvation. At first he hated sports, but i did not let him quit because his social skills were so poor. Fast forward and he’s finishing his last season on his varsity team as a starter and team captain. He still loves learning about Nuclear fusion for fun, still loves all things physics, still does math “for fun” and still can’t understand why anyone would go to a party and talk about nonsense all night. He does sometimes accidentally talk over peoples heads when he’s excited about something that literally NOBODY CARES ABOUT However sports have given him common ground and an ability to relate to his peers. I cannot underestimate the importance of putting kids like ours into new uncomfortable social situations and forcing them to adapt.

i still worry about him because all the brains in the world you can have will be wasted if you can’t adapt to your fellow humans are are not “likable” brilliant people are a dime a dozen and people do business with people they like. You don’t build connections in life discussing obscure intense topics.

I did not focus on finding my son new peers, but i focused on helping my kid learn social skills that are critical to relationship and career success. Now that my son is aren't for roommates he KNOWS he needs to not find one like himself. he needs that roommate that will drag he out of his comfort zone and continue to challenge him to grow and adapt socially.

People are going to hate this statement, but it’s the hard truth, you don’t want your kid to end up that weirdo that can’t carry a normal conversation without turning it tedious.

[Anonymous]

Let’s do chat rooms and make him even weirder