11 year old doesn't have any friends with his interests

[Anonymous]

A lot of boys play sports together. You should sign him up for some sports, even if it is just for exercise.

DH is smart, athletic and successful. He has very high emotional intelligence and that helps with his success. BIL (DH’s brother) is super smart but has always been kind of awkward, maybe like your son. He was valedictorian of his high school, went to the top college and grad school in his field and is still socially awkward. I actually find him rude and a know it all and annoying. Even as an adult, he doesn’t have many friends and no girlfriend.

[Anonymous]

I have a very shy nerdy boy and a very popular social boy. Your son should be able to find people like him.

My social kid can go with the flow and is very flexible. He can get along with anyone and find common ground.

My shy kid is an introvert and would rather stay home. He did science Olympiad, chess club, odyssey of the mind, etc.

Where do you live? There is no shortage of smart nerdy kids in the area.

[Anonymous]

Oh there are boys like that but bit too many. Dh was one.
And i know some 9 year olds way into the civil war. Def look for camps or other museum activities and programs, lectures etc. Maybe meet some kids that way that way. He only needs one or two others to get him.

[Anonymous]

I have a college kid who had the same issue. It took until college to find people interested in the sorts of things he is. He is not autistic and has above average social skills.

He preferred talking to adults or older kids most of the time. He found some like minded kids in various activities. For the most part, he was friendly with kids but did not have any friends.

I don't understand the people saying he needs to learn to like what the other kids like. If your workplace chitchat consisted of Harry Styles gossip, what the Kardashians are for breakfast, and fantasy football while you liked college basketball and art films, I wouldn't tell you that your interests are the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a college kid who had the same issue. It took until college to find people interested in the sorts of things he is. He is not autistic and has above average social skills.

He preferred talking to adults or older kids most of the time. He found some like minded kids in various activities. For the most part, he was friendly with kids but did not have any friends.

I don't understand the people saying he needs to learn to like what the other kids like. If your workplace chitchat consisted of Harry Styles gossip, what the Kardashians are for breakfast, and fantasy football while you liked college basketball and art films, I wouldn't tell you that your interests are the problem.

Even as an adult, I struggle with clicking with people. You find common ground. It is a skill. I find America to be too sports obsessed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of boys play sports together. You should sign him up for some sports, even if it is just for exercise.

DH is smart, athletic and successful. He has very high emotional intelligence and that helps with his success. BIL (DH’s brother) is super smart but has always been kind of awkward, maybe like your son. He was valedictorian of his high school, went to the top college and grad school in his field and is still socially awkward. I actually find him rude and a know it all and annoying. Even as an adult, he doesn’t have many friends and no girlfriend.

Loser

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a college kid who had the same issue. It took until college to find people interested in the sorts of things he is. He is not autistic and has above average social skills.

He preferred talking to adults or older kids most of the time. He found some like minded kids in various activities. For the most part, he was friendly with kids but did not have any friends.

I don't understand the people saying he needs to learn to like what the other kids like. If your workplace chitchat consisted of Harry Styles gossip, what the Kardashians are for breakfast, and fantasy football while you liked college basketball and art films, I wouldn't tell you that your interests are the problem.

I wouldn't say your interests were a problem either, but I would say that there is value in connecting with your coworkers and it might be good to learn a little about their topics so you could participate in conversation. And if that was really unpleasant, it might make sense to look for a new job. Or in OP's case, a different school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a very shy nerdy boy and a very popular social boy. Your son should be able to find people like him.

My social kid can go with the flow and is very flexible. He can get along with anyone and find common ground.

My shy kid is an introvert and would rather stay home. He did science Olympiad, chess club, odyssey of the mind, etc.

Where do you live? There is no shortage of smart nerdy kids in the area.

Same here with the one nerdy, one popular kid.

It's one of the reasons I don't want to leave the DMV. My kid's ES is only 2 classes per grade, but there easily half a dozen other "nerds" for him to hang with.

[Anonymous]

Aspie? Sounds like my "weird" kid who only talks about one bery weird specific thing a lot of the time. With effort, we got him into gaming and sports cars. So now he can mask and make himself seem normal. He comes from a long line of Aspies and this is what we do. Just pretend to be normal. It takes practice but most can get the hang of it.

[Anonymous]

Sounds aspie

[Anonymous]

It's really sad that everyone jumps to ASD just because an 11-year-old isn't all that into video games. They're really boring, people. I don't blame him.

[Anonymous]

First, I would talk to him about balance. He needs to learn some things (like Roblox) that are age appropriate so that he has exposure to and socialization with other kids his age. Tell him that he needs to learn how to interact with kids his age so that he learns some social skills interacting with others.

That said, he also needs to be able to explore his passions, like military history. There are a number of chat rooms out there that discuss historical battles and you or he can find them via Google. Sign him up for an account on one of those chat rooms and monitor the account, his postings and his interactions. But he'll find other military enthusiasts who will enjoy talking about historical battles with him. And he'll learn more about a subject he is passionate about by talking about the subject with other enthusiasts. Just monitor his interactions because most of the other participants will be adults. I have two sons who are very involved in online gaming and communicating with their friends on-line. One side benefit is that this has helped their typing and they type faster and more accurately now. And that has helped them in school as so much is done on the computer. With the increased speed and accuracy, they get less stressed about the time it takes the input their work into the computer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First, I would talk to him about balance. He needs to learn some things (like Roblox) that are age appropriate so that he has exposure to and socialization with other kids his age. Tell him that he needs to learn how to interact with kids his age so that he learns some social skills interacting with others.

That said, he also needs to be able to explore his passions, like military history. There are a number of chat rooms out there that discuss historical battles and you or he can find them via Google. Sign him up for an account on one of those chat rooms and monitor the account, his postings and his interactions. But he'll find other military enthusiasts who will enjoy talking about historical battles with him. And he'll learn more about a subject he is passionate about by talking about the subject with other enthusiasts. Just monitor his interactions because most of the other participants will be adults. I have two sons who are very involved in online gaming and communicating with their friends on-line. One side benefit is that this has helped their typing and they type faster and more accurately now. And that has helped them in school as so much is done on the computer. With the increased speed and accuracy, they get less stressed about the time it takes the input their work into the computer.

This is really odd advice

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First, I would talk to him about balance. He needs to learn some things (like Roblox) that are age appropriate so that he has exposure to and socialization with other kids his age. Tell him that he needs to learn how to interact with kids his age so that he learns some social skills interacting with others.

That said, he also needs to be able to explore his passions, like military history. There are a number of chat rooms out there that discuss historical battles and you or he can find them via Google. Sign him up for an account on one of those chat rooms and monitor the account, his postings and his interactions. But he'll find other military enthusiasts who will enjoy talking about historical battles with him. And he'll learn more about a subject he is passionate about by talking about the subject with other enthusiasts. Just monitor his interactions because most of the other participants will be adults. I have two sons who are very involved in online gaming and communicating with their friends on-line. One side benefit is that this has helped their typing and they type faster and more accurately now. And that has helped them in school as so much is done on the computer. With the increased speed and accuracy, they get less stressed about the time it takes the input their work into the computer.

Do NOT sign up for chat rooms about military history. That’s. Or a safe place for a tween boy. Goodness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First, I would talk to him about balance. He needs to learn some things (like Roblox) that are age appropriate so that he has exposure to and socialization with other kids his age. Tell him that he needs to learn how to interact with kids his age so that he learns some social skills interacting with others.

That said, he also needs to be able to explore his passions, like military history. There are a number of chat rooms out there that discuss historical battles and you or he can find them via Google. Sign him up for an account on one of those chat rooms and monitor the account, his postings and his interactions. But he'll find other military enthusiasts who will enjoy talking about historical battles with him. And he'll learn more about a subject he is passionate about by talking about the subject with other enthusiasts. Just monitor his interactions because most of the other participants will be adults. I have two sons who are very involved in online gaming and communicating with their friends on-line. One side benefit is that this has helped their typing and they type faster and more accurately now. And that has helped them in school as so much is done on the computer. With the increased speed and accuracy, they get less stressed about the time it takes the input their work into the computer.

This is really odd advice

Not the PP, but this worked well for my autistic child. She was never able to make friends in school but when things shut down for covid, she found an online community focused on a niche interest. This became her lifeline and she was socially successful for the first time ever. When things reopened, she was able to take that confidence and learned social skills and make friends at school, although her online friends are closer, because they share this intense special interest.

Yes, it required lots of conversations about internet safety and monitoring and trust. But I would do it again in a heartbeat.