11 year old doesn't have any friends with his interests

[Anonymous]

Have you thought about public school? I feel like once your kid is labeled as the weird kid in a small private, it’s a bit hard to change kids minds. Public school there is just a lot more kids, so more opportunities for friendships.

Also, have you thought about signing him up for a social skills class? Even if he’s not interested in the same things he can learn to ask questions and can still be friends with others.

Also, look at outschool, maybe you can find a class he’s interested in

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a college kid who had the same issue. It took until college to find people interested in the sorts of things he is. He is not autistic and has above average social skills.

He preferred talking to adults or older kids most of the time. He found some like minded kids in various activities. For the most part, he was friendly with kids but did not have any friends.

I don't understand the people saying he needs to learn to like what the other kids like. If your workplace chitchat consisted of Harry Styles gossip, what the Kardashians are for breakfast, and fantasy football while you liked college basketball and art films, I wouldn't tell you that your interests are the problem.

+1 NP.

the problem isn't that he has these interests, it's that he has ONLY these interests and doesn't understand why other kids don't share them. If he wants to make friends he has to learn enough about what the other kids like to participate at least on the fringes, or at least quit trying to turn the conversation to things no one else knows or cares about. Honestly if he just nodded along and smiled and said "me too" occasionally he'd make friends - but if he acts like he's too good for the conversation and other people aren't smart enough to understand his interests, he won't get anywhere, kids will just find him superior and annoying or at least very weird.

I speak from experience. I was this kid too, had some pretty esoteric interests, but I had a high enough EQ to know that and know that I needed to develop some additional mutual interests to fit in. I couldn't learn about the shows other kids watched because my parents wouldn't let me watch them, but I at least could talk about drawing and arts and crafts and that sort of thing the other girls were into. I was always "that kid whose parents don't let her watch TV" but I had good friends. And now at work, yes, I read enough headlines that even though I don't care about sports or Harry Styles or the Kardashians, I know who they are and can nod along enough not to seem too weird. (Plus, I'm of a generation where it's socially acceptable for women not to be into professional sports, so that doesn't hurt.)

Really don't understand where all these PP's who insist he ONLY has limited interests are coming from. He has varied, multiple interests. So many we've had to cut him off when he asks for camps, books, projects, whatever. He just doesn't care about video games and whatever else these boys like. He's pretending a lot better now, but he's still isolated because HE never gets to talk.

[Anonymous]

Perhaps he could benefit from seeing a psychologist to help diagnose and treat his problem?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps he could benefit from seeing a psychologist to help diagnose and treat his problem?

Classic DCUM.

[Anonymous]

My daughter is similar and I agree with posters that your son's social skills, rather than the nature of his interests, are probably the more limiting factor. DD is 12, has ADHD. She also cannot find friends with similar interests and is always "jealous" of her 10 yo sister's friends, whom she perceives as playing the games she wants to play (when really, it's that her sister is better able to compromise and navigate the social dynamics to get kids to want to play with her). 12 yo will mention that she doesn't know what the other kids are talking about (we are relatively low tech, e.g., no Youtube or TikTok, but that is partly her lack of interest in that kind of stuff).

My 10 yo is off the charts "gifted" but has a high EQ. So even though she also has plenty niche/dorky interests, and even though she is also limited in access to pop culture at home, she has a zillion friends and a handful of "besties."

I don't have a solution - I had signed my 12 yo up for a PEERS social group at school, but it was all boys, so I let her stop going. We have also started seeing a counselor who specializes in ADHD. And I have signed her up for sleepaway camp this summer - she likes unplugged time, so hopefully she will be able to navigate the social dynamics OK and meet other girls who like to hike, kayak, etc.