I don't know. Why are some men bald and not all others? Why are some people tall and some are short? Why are some people stupid and rude and others are smart and kind? Do you really need to ask this question? Some women have IUDs or use hormones or take semi-glutides. Some women don't. |
Women gain an average of 35 pounds post menopause. Does your mom look like she did in her wedding photo? Did your grandmother when you were growing up? Have you ever followed any biography or documentary about a woman who isn’t a model or actress? Most people gain weight as they get older. |
I think it’s OK to mourn your youth, OP. You sound like a nice person.
Lots of PPs are suggesting ways you can help your wife lose weight. I want to say that this is the wrong approach. You will alienate her and frustrate yourself. Someone has to want to lose weight - badly - in order for it to work. “Walks” and “healthy snacks” won’t do it. If she wants to lose weight, you can best help her by agreeing to make room for ozempic in the family budget. Seriously. |
Or how about getting into a fitness routine? You can frame it as “let’s get fit together so that we can live long and healthy lives for our kids’ sakes.” |
I’m frumpy (comfortable) most days but I freshen up my wardrobe every season. I get a new fitted coat, boots, some skirt and dresses. I recently got new sweats and was surprised people actually complimented my matching sweat outfit. I guess this is currently in? My oldest is in high school and many girls dress like me - sweats and ugg slippers. I do work out 4-5 times per week and come from a thin family. Up until last year, I was about 5 pounds off from my pre pregnancy weight. I have gained another 5. I love to eat though and it is hard not to eat. |
This is really good advice. Much better than fixing healthy snacks for her every weekend. It also takes no time or money. |
I am the OP. My wife gained 70 pounds over 18 years before even hitting perimenopause. Are you saying she has 35 more unavoidably coming? |
Would you give the same advice to a wife fed up with her fatass husband's weight? |
Because some women sail through peri-menopause and post menopause with barely a symptom, and some women have symptoms that debilitate their health. In particular, many women suffer chronic insomnia for years during this period of life - and chronic insomnia drives elevated cortisol which messes up the body's ability to regulate hunger, turn food into energy, build muscle versus storing energy into fat cells, etc. Nutritional science is pretty complex, it is NOT CICO, as I've posted above. The cascade of hormones that women go through at the change of life can totally mess up their body's energy use/storage functions, and can drive overeating. She is not weak or lazy, she is being controlled by the same cascade of hormones that in many cases in a different stage of life caused her to marry some shallow a-hole so she could have kids. My bet is on OP to dump his 'frumpy' wife for a younger and hotter version by the time the kids are teens. |
Do you have money?
I just posted above that I freshen up my wardrobe. I buy at least 5 new outfits per season. I have many vain friends. The company you keep may also determine how you carry yourself. My friends all eat well, work out, have great hair and dress well. Even at casual meet ups, I have to dress decently to not look like a slob. We are also members of a country club where everyone seems thin. I have to look presentable at the clubhouse or when I take my kids to tennis. I don’t try hard but I try a little, at least look out together. |
She already has a regular fitness routine. I would say this is similar to starting to go to church every weekend and being like, “Let’s figure out our spirituality together so we can live better lives and find a reason for being that doesn’t revolve around our kids as they grow up.” Some people might respond well to this, and some might be really put off by it. It depends on previous experiences. |
Too bad Op. This is on you.
Get it together. Get yourself together and make it work. |
New poster. Another thing to consider is that most medical studies were done on men, not women. For men it very well may be calories in calories out. Women have all of the hormonal changes throughout their life cycle. |
I am curious how old your wife is if she has a career and the youngest is 8 years olds? Maybe she's already in peri menopause. |
To stop watching porn? Yes. That doesn’t seem like a big issue though. I would tell women with lazy or unromantic husbands to stop watching romantic movies and stop following “cute couples” on TikTok. If your spouse isn’t your fantasy, stop spending a lot of time looking at other people’s spouses who are presenting a curated image of your fantasy. It’s not going to make you happier. |