Daycare vs. nanny

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell me more about cons of a nanny, pls, except cost. Not talking about a young person in the park bringing your kid to the park for 10-15 min, then strapping them back in the stroller and heading for the mall with friends, but "the real thing". The one who arrives on time every day, does planned activities, goes to the park for 2 hrs, then hot lunch and a nap, who adores your child and they love her back. So, what are the cons?

You as the parent are solely responsible for hiring and managing this person who may or may not deliver what they promise. In a child care center, a director hires and oversees staff, takes care of background checks and gets checked on by licensing.

You are relying on one person who can get sick and is entitled to take time off. In a good child care center they have extra staff to ensure compliance with ratios when staff are out sick.

Your children will be in your home with you if you work from home. If your children are at daycare then your home will be much quieter.

[Anonymous]

I as a parent will strive to do a good job hiring and work diligently with my selected agency, while most directors cannot care less who they hire as long as the workers keep coming (and leaving), and we are not talking about quality teachers here. Anyone - literally, anyone - can get hired to work in a center, and this is unfortunately the reality in this industry, and the cause of high turnover.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I as a parent will strive to do a good job hiring and work diligently with my selected agency, while most directors cannot care less who they hire as long as the workers keep coming (and leaving), and we are not talking about quality teachers here. Anyone - literally, anyone - can get hired to work in a center, and this is unfortunately the reality in this industry, and the cause of high turnover.

I see, so we are comparing the perfect nanny to a daycare where the director "cannot care less who they hire". That sounds like a useful comparison! Are you the same person who thinks if a child attends 90% of the time it means they only got sick once?

[Anonymous]

Any average nanny better than even best center

[Anonymous]

We considered a nanny, but like one of the PPs above, I did not want to be in the role of an employer/boss. Just not something I wanted to deal with. We sent our 3 to daycare and had no regrets. Our daycare center was excellent and the kids looked forward to going every day. They did get sick with the occasional respiratory illness, but not enough to be draining my PTO.

This worked for us in part because I have a flexible remote job that doesn't care what hours I work, as long as I meet the deliverables and attend all the required meetings. If I had a demanding or time-bound job, and/or a long commute, we'd probably have gone the nanny route.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She saw nannies at the park every day and found the majority to be mediocre (did not speak to the kid, watched movies on their phone, gossiped with other nannies while leaving babies strapped in strollers) or downright negligent (my mom interfered multiple times to help young toddlers in her vicinity whose nannies weren't paying attention).

You think that's not happening in daycare?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She saw nannies at the park every day and found the majority to be mediocre (did not speak to the kid, watched movies on their phone, gossiped with other nannies while leaving babies strapped in strollers) or downright negligent (my mom interfered multiple times to help young toddlers in her vicinity whose nannies weren't paying attention).

You think that's not happening in daycare?

Do you watch movies.on your phone at work?

[Anonymous]

teachers chat and ignore kids as much as they can get away with. Kids fight a lot, and most of time with little interference from adults, talking about 2 yr olds here. Saw it with my own eyes. Also, a kid got very sick and was having seizures but no one noticed for a while since it was near pick up time and lots of diapers needed to be changed, and he seemed just be having quiet time in the corner. Lots of young inexperienced girls work in centers. I would go nanny route even if it was half of my income since it is only for 3 yrs or so. At 3,5-4 kids do not fight as much and are potty trained, so teachers are actually able to pay more attention to the kids vs changing diapers all day long, and less exhausted/resentful than with toddlers (toddlers are a lot of work)

[Anonymous]

...on average, a teacher changes 20-22 diapers a day in toddler room. One person is usually responsible for 5 kids and each kid gets 4 diapers at minimum. Can you imagine what it is like?

[Anonymous]

I always thought a nanny was best for very young kids. We hired through an agency with a more thorough background check than the one I had as a fed. For my first born, she was great. Over time, she became less great, but we added in half-day three days a week preschool at 2 and it was working. Years 3-4 with the same nanny have not worked.

Turns out she is fine with one infant, but cannot take care of my 3 year old at all. She tries to bribe him with potato chips and candy to hang out with her (I’m not kidding). She told me she likes boys better (our second born is a girl) and misses my son (we started him at FT school when my mat leave ended bc it was clear she couldn’t manage the two, or even manage my 3 alone at all)

We are putting our youngest in daycare at 14 months. Not my favorite decision, but she’s already getting all the colds from her big brother and we love the center we send him to.

I think the very best nanny beats the very best center any day of the week. But even a person who starts as an excellent employee can become less so. Ours will have been with us for almost four years when we enroll the baby in daycare. If she was continuing to be great, we would eat the cost, have her take baby to some classes this year and then have baby do three halfdays of preschool at age 2.

Not good nannies, imo, can be way worse than your average accredited center.

For us, we could have searched for a new nanny but just felt like at 14 mos it was reasonable to transition. It saves about $25K/year, and we are fortunate cost wasn’t a driver or we would have enrolled both kids much younger.

I’m looking forward to having the house to myself while wfh and not coming home to messes. Once upon a time our nanny did light housework, now it’s messier when she leaves than we she arrived. I’m so over it.

Another consideration— I do not like being an employer. I don’t like talking raises, ins, vacation, performance. Frankly, I hate it. I’ll be so glad to be done with that!

[Anonymous]

Started with a nanny for both kids and both were in daycare by 1 years old. (2 DD’s 5 years apart).

For me as a super busy exec a nanny was more work. I had to manage the nanny and honestly it just added to my stress. Especially for my second when it was just after covid and i was remote. Hearing my DD cry or knowing she wasnt down for a nap at a certain time was so stressful when i needed to lock in and focus on work.

We’ve been lucky that both of our kids were never that sick that often in daycare - we have a generally healthy house.

With daycare we’re on the go by 8am anyway so dropping off DD2 after DD1 gets the bus to school is no big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell me more about cons of a nanny, pls, except cost. Not talking about a young person in the park bringing your kid to the park for 10-15 min, then strapping them back in the stroller and heading for the mall with friends, but "the real thing". The one who arrives on time every day, does planned activities, goes to the park for 2 hrs, then hot lunch and a nap, who adores your child and they love her back. So, what are the cons?

You as the parent are solely responsible for hiring and managing this person who may or may not deliver what they promise. In a child care center, a director hires and oversees staff, takes care of background checks and gets checked on by licensing.

You are relying on one person who can get sick and is entitled to take time off. In a good child care center they have extra staff to ensure compliance with ratios when staff are out sick.

Your children will be in your home with you if you work from home. If your children are at daycare then your home will be much quieter.

I think you’re overestimating what this entails. I doubt it’s that different than communications with a daycare center. We have a great nanny and the employer aspect has never been a problem.

[Anonymous]

I’ve never actually met anyone IRL who can afford a nanny but uses daycare. There are posters on here saying they use daycare, but again never known a wealthy person who uses daycare.

No one should choose a 4:1 ratio for childcare for a young baby when they can choose 1:1.

The benefits of keeping your young baby at home are enormous. For an older toddler it’s more than fine to use daycare. But even then, anyone with the means will hire a nanny to take their three year old to a morning preschool, serve a hot lunch at home and let the child nap or decompress in their own home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell me more about cons of a nanny, pls, except cost. Not talking about a young person in the park bringing your kid to the park for 10-15 min, then strapping them back in the stroller and heading for the mall with friends, but "the real thing". The one who arrives on time every day, does planned activities, goes to the park for 2 hrs, then hot lunch and a nap, who adores your child and they love her back. So, what are the cons?

You as the parent are solely responsible for hiring and managing this person who may or may not deliver what they promise. In a child care center, a director hires and oversees staff, takes care of background checks and gets checked on by licensing.

You are relying on one person who can get sick and is entitled to take time off. In a good child care center they have extra staff to ensure compliance with ratios when staff are out sick.

Your children will be in your home with you if you work from home. If your children are at daycare then your home will be much quieter.

I think you’re overestimating what this entails. I doubt it’s that different than communications with a daycare center. We have a great nanny and the employer aspect has never been a problem.

Not in my experience. Having every day to map out with the nanny food, activities, schedule etc was MORE work.

I’m sure there are unicorn nannies that are also mind readers but for me it added to my mental load.

[Anonymous]

I’ve done both and there’s pros and cons to each.

Nanny:

Pros- Less germ exposure, more individual control over schedule/environment, not having to get baby ready and out of the house before work, and baby gets more time in a home environment.

Cons- You’re managing someone (including payroll, offering paid leave, discussing employer expectations, etc.) and if they get sick or their car breaks down, that is your problem to deal with too. You’re entrusting someone to take your child out of the house (we really trusted our nanny, but did get nervous about other people causing accidents while she was out driving with our child). And in my case it was distracting at times because I work at home. I felt like I had to hide away at times and also explain to coworkers why there were kid noises in the distant background. Also if you have more than one kid of different ages, the siblings schedules may not coordinate (and the nanny may have to chase a toddler while the baby is crying).

Daycare:

Pros- Assuming you go somewhere licensed there is more oversight (we even used ones with cameras so we could check in during the day). Kids are with their same age peers so a toddler isn’t hampered by a baby’s nap schedule. If someone calls out sick it’s not your problem to deal with. Also, it doesn’t take over your home so your space.

Cons- Honestly the germs. The first winter is brutal. Competing interests for caregiver attention. Having to pack up baby + bottles + diapers in the morning. Having to work within the daycare’s offered hours (whereas a nanny may be more flexible about staying late).

It’s such a personal decision. Weigh what is right for your family and don’t let other people sway your choice. Also if one thing doesn’t work out, you can always change to something else. You aren’t committing to it forever.

Good luck!