Daycare vs. nanny

[Anonymous]

Babies don't socialize
Toddlers parallel play
True socialization happens in preschool and doesn't require 8 hours of daycare/school

I would pick nanny because they can do light housework, better for the kid to have 1 caregiver they bond to than daycare staff with high turnover. Also not a fan of the kid graduating rooms and losing the staff people they were bonded to

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Babies don't socialize
Toddlers parallel play
True socialization happens in preschool and doesn't require 8 hours of daycare/school

I would pick nanny because they can do light housework, better for the kid to have 1 caregiver they bond to than daycare staff with high turnover. Also not a fan of the kid graduating rooms and losing the staff people they were bonded to

Exactly this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Quality daycare center all the way your baby will be much more stimulated learning to socialize. Verbal skills will come quicker and they are much happier.
If you have a nanny and they don’t feel like putting in top quality work every minute of every day, your baby gets short changed

babies dont socialize. have you ever observed a daycare class and see how babies behave? even at the toddler age there is very limited socialization. they play in their separate little bubbles, until one toddler wanders into the space of another and grabs his/her toy, then they hit each other and cry.

But I understand parents need something to feel good about if they choose daycare, so I smile and nod when I hear someone go on about how much their 6 months old is enjoying the "socialization."

You can know the facts and not make people feel bad for their personal choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Quality daycare center all the way your baby will be much more stimulated learning to socialize. Verbal skills will come quicker and they are much happier.
If you have a nanny and they don’t feel like putting in top quality work every minute of every day, your baby gets short changed

babies dont socialize. have you ever observed a daycare class and see how babies behave? even at the toddler age there is very limited socialization. they play in their separate little bubbles, until one toddler wanders into the space of another and grabs his/her toy, then they hit each other and cry.

But I understand parents need something to feel good about if they choose daycare, so I smile and nod when I hear someone go on about how much their 6 months old is enjoying the "socialization."

You can know the facts and not make people feel bad for their personal choices.

DP

Babies observe everything around them. That is part of learning social skills. Obviously, nobody thinks a 6 month old is engaging in small talk with their "classmates".

And PP is spot on about verbal skills. Many of us, as well as SLPs, have observed this first hand for toddlers.

Of course the relationship with the adult caregiver is the most important, and from that perspective having a dedicated caregiver like a nanny has some advantages developmentally.

[Anonymous]

A big difference to us was the fact that a nanny can stay home with a sick kid, but a sick kid cannot go to daycare. Even kids who don’t go to daycare will inevitably get sick, requiring you to change plans on a dime. Also, you never know if kids will require visits to pt, speech therapy, during the week, etc.

[Anonymous]

I'm here to tell you that daycare is a sh*tshow of constant viral illness. I mean constant. My kid has been in daycare for about 7 months now, and he has been sick - no joke - 13 times. I'm not talking runny nose/sniffles (although there's been plenty of that too). I'm talking days of fever that won't break, ER visits, chest X-rays, antibiotics, vomiting, pinkeye - the works. And he was 2.5 when he started, so his immune system was relatively more developed than an infant. Especially post-COVID, kids' immune systems are wrecked and they pick up EVERYTHING. We're lucky enough to have backup childcare in the form of a part-time nanny and willing grandparents, but if we didn't, I'd probably be fired by now. Like, I'd have to be taking time off work every other week. And of course, I'm paying $$$ for daycare that I've only used ~60% of the time.

I just can't fathom why someone would expose their kid to all this during a crucial developmental stage if they have the option not to. This is when their brains are doing a huge amount of growing, and if they're constantly sick and miserable, all their energy is devoted to healing (slash basically all they can do is veg out in front of cartoons). When my kid was home with nanny, he got sick maybe twice a year? If that. And he was way verbally advanced for his age by the time he started daycare. Whatever nominal socialization he's getting is completely not worth it. He was a happy, social, well-adjusted kid before daycare.

1000% go with a nanny if you have the option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm here to tell you that daycare is a sh*tshow of constant viral illness. I mean constant. My kid has been in daycare for about 7 months now, and he has been sick - no joke - 13 times. I'm not talking runny nose/sniffles (although there's been plenty of that too). I'm talking days of fever that won't break, ER visits, chest X-rays, antibiotics, vomiting, pinkeye - the works. And he was 2.5 when he started, so his immune system was relatively more developed than an infant. Especially post-COVID, kids' immune systems are wrecked and they pick up EVERYTHING. We're lucky enough to have backup childcare in the form of a part-time nanny and willing grandparents, but if we didn't, I'd probably be fired by now. Like, I'd have to be taking time off work every other week. And of course, I'm paying $$$ for daycare that I've only used ~60% of the time.

I just can't fathom why someone would expose their kid to all this during a crucial developmental stage if they have the option not to. This is when their brains are doing a huge amount of growing, and if they're constantly sick and miserable, all their energy is devoted to healing (slash basically all they can do is veg out in front of cartoons). When my kid was home with nanny, he got sick maybe twice a year? If that. And he was way verbally advanced for his age by the time he started daycare. Whatever nominal socialization he's getting is completely not worth it. He was a happy, social, well-adjusted kid before daycare.

1000% go with a nanny if you have the option.

And contrary to popular opinion all the germ exposure doesn't build up the kids' immune systems and make them strong and resilient. They get the same illnesses over and over and pass them on to Mom and Dad and siblings. I was a daycare kid. If daycare=immunity were true, how come I still get sick when my kids catch something??? According to daycare=immunity theorists, I should never get sick.

[Anonymous]

We faced this. A good friend put the issue this way: "You either get up and spend time with the kid(s), and then the nanny arrives to take over while you get yourself ready to go to work. You kiss your kids goodbye and leave. That simple. With daycare, you're getting yourself ready, getting them ready, rushing out the door, adding in the commute to the daycare, time of dropoff, etc. Then the same at pickup. The nanny relieves a good hour or more of the stress and was worth every penny." We found this to be the case absolutely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm here to tell you that daycare is a sh*tshow of constant viral illness. I mean constant. My kid has been in daycare for about 7 months now, and he has been sick - no joke - 13 times. I'm not talking runny nose/sniffles (although there's been plenty of that too). I'm talking days of fever that won't break, ER visits, chest X-rays, antibiotics, vomiting, pinkeye - the works. And he was 2.5 when he started, so his immune system was relatively more developed than an infant. Especially post-COVID, kids' immune systems are wrecked and they pick up EVERYTHING. We're lucky enough to have backup childcare in the form of a part-time nanny and willing grandparents, but if we didn't, I'd probably be fired by now. Like, I'd have to be taking time off work every other week. And of course, I'm paying $$$ for daycare that I've only used ~60% of the time.

I just can't fathom why someone would expose their kid to all this during a crucial developmental stage if they have the option not to. This is when their brains are doing a huge amount of growing, and if they're constantly sick and miserable, all their energy is devoted to healing (slash basically all they can do is veg out in front of cartoons). When my kid was home with nanny, he got sick maybe twice a year? If that. And he was way verbally advanced for his age by the time he started daycare. Whatever nominal socialization he's getting is completely not worth it. He was a happy, social, well-adjusted kid before daycare.

1000% go with a nanny if you have the option.

Daycare illness is absolutely a thing and it is hard to deal with. However, every child is affected differently. Ours thankfully has been healthy enough to attend 90-95% of the time. Rarely has a fever. Did have a verbal delay when home during a five month pandemic closure that resolved quite quickly soon after the center reopened. Therapist said being inna group setting is helpful for speech delays.

Everyone's family situation is different. For us a nanny was not an option for various reasons but we do know people who affirmatively chose daycare, including people who tried nannies and did not like it. Either option can be the best option for any given family, regardless of what other people can "fathom".

One thing I strongly believe is that nobody should go to extreme lengths just to avoid daycare. By extreme lengths I mean trying to work full time while caring for a baby, or living paycheck to paycheck to afford a nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm here to tell you that daycare is a sh*tshow of constant viral illness. I mean constant. My kid has been in daycare for about 7 months now, and he has been sick - no joke - 13 times. I'm not talking runny nose/sniffles (although there's been plenty of that too). I'm talking days of fever that won't break, ER visits, chest X-rays, antibiotics, vomiting, pinkeye - the works. And he was 2.5 when he started, so his immune system was relatively more developed than an infant. Especially post-COVID, kids' immune systems are wrecked and they pick up EVERYTHING. We're lucky enough to have backup childcare in the form of a part-time nanny and willing grandparents, but if we didn't, I'd probably be fired by now. Like, I'd have to be taking time off work every other week. And of course, I'm paying $$$ for daycare that I've only used ~60% of the time.

I just can't fathom why someone would expose their kid to all this during a crucial developmental stage if they have the option not to. This is when their brains are doing a huge amount of growing, and if they're constantly sick and miserable, all their energy is devoted to healing (slash basically all they can do is veg out in front of cartoons). When my kid was home with nanny, he got sick maybe twice a year? If that. And he was way verbally advanced for his age by the time he started daycare. Whatever nominal socialization he's getting is completely not worth it. He was a happy, social, well-adjusted kid before daycare.

1000% go with a nanny if you have the option.

Daycare illness is absolutely a thing and it is hard to deal with. However, every child is affected differently. Ours thankfully has been healthy enough to attend 90-95% of the time. Rarely has a fever. Did have a verbal delay when home during a five month pandemic closure that resolved quite quickly soon after the center reopened. Therapist said being inna group setting is helpful for speech delays.

Everyone's family situation is different. For us a nanny was not an option for various reasons but we do know people who affirmatively chose daycare, including people who tried nannies and did not like it. Either option can be the best option for any given family, regardless of what other people can "fathom".

One thing I strongly believe is that nobody should go to extreme lengths just to avoid daycare. By extreme lengths I mean trying to work full time while caring for a baby, or living paycheck to paycheck to afford a nanny.

I'd say your child is a major outlier then. 90-95% attendance means that your kid has only been sick one time the entire year (I literally don't know a single daycare or even school-age child for whom that's remotely true - average is 10-12 respiratory illnesses a year for kids in daycare, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics), or you're sending them to daycare sick.

Re: verbal delays, I don't doubt that was the case for your child (and maybe for others with diagnosed verbal delays), but there's just no data to back up the idea that group settings enhance language/cognitive skills generally. See https://www.nichd.nih.gov/sites/default/files/publications/pubs/documents/seccyd_06.pdf ("most children in exclusive maternal care at just older than 1 year and at 2 and 3 years of age had cognitive, language, and achievement scores similar to those of children in child care.") Our kid's verbal skills were vastly more advanced than his same-age peers who started in daycare much earlier, for instance.

I do agree with you that no one should go to extreme lengths to avoid daycare, or that daycare is horrible for all kids/you should feel guilty for sending your kid. It is the only option for many, many parents, and I get that. However, for OP and others who do have other options, it's important to have an accurate picture of the pros (which are often oversold by parents who are trying to rationalize their own choices) and cons (which are not talked about NEARLY enough). I've experienced both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm here to tell you that daycare is a sh*tshow of constant viral illness. I mean constant. My kid has been in daycare for about 7 months now, and he has been sick - no joke - 13 times. I'm not talking runny nose/sniffles (although there's been plenty of that too). I'm talking days of fever that won't break, ER visits, chest X-rays, antibiotics, vomiting, pinkeye - the works. And he was 2.5 when he started, so his immune system was relatively more developed than an infant. Especially post-COVID, kids' immune systems are wrecked and they pick up EVERYTHING. We're lucky enough to have backup childcare in the form of a part-time nanny and willing grandparents, but if we didn't, I'd probably be fired by now. Like, I'd have to be taking time off work every other week. And of course, I'm paying $$$ for daycare that I've only used ~60% of the time.

I just can't fathom why someone would expose their kid to all this during a crucial developmental stage if they have the option not to. This is when their brains are doing a huge amount of growing, and if they're constantly sick and miserable, all their energy is devoted to healing (slash basically all they can do is veg out in front of cartoons). When my kid was home with nanny, he got sick maybe twice a year? If that. And he was way verbally advanced for his age by the time he started daycare. Whatever nominal socialization he's getting is completely not worth it. He was a happy, social, well-adjusted kid before daycare.

1000% go with a nanny if you have the option.

Daycare illness is absolutely a thing and it is hard to deal with. However, every child is affected differently. Ours thankfully has been healthy enough to attend 90-95% of the time. Rarely has a fever. Did have a verbal delay when home during a five month pandemic closure that resolved quite quickly soon after the center reopened. Therapist said being inna group setting is helpful for speech delays.

Everyone's family situation is different. For us a nanny was not an option for various reasons but we do know people who affirmatively chose daycare, including people who tried nannies and did not like it. Either option can be the best option for any given family, regardless of what other people can "fathom".

One thing I strongly believe is that nobody should go to extreme lengths just to avoid daycare. By extreme lengths I mean trying to work full time while caring for a baby, or living paycheck to paycheck to afford a nanny.

I'd say your child is a major outlier then. 90-95% attendance means that your kid has only been sick one time the entire year (I literally don't know a single daycare or even school-age child for whom that's remotely true - average is 10-12 respiratory illnesses a year for kids in daycare, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics), or you're sending them to daycare sick.

Re: verbal delays, I don't doubt that was the case for your child (and maybe for others with diagnosed verbal delays), but there's just no data to back up the idea that group settings enhance language/cognitive skills generally. See https://www.nichd.nih.gov/sites/default/files/publications/pubs/documents/seccyd_06.pdf ("most children in exclusive maternal care at just older than 1 year and at 2 and 3 years of age had cognitive, language, and achievement scores similar to those of children in child care.") Our kid's verbal skills were vastly more advanced than his same-age peers who started in daycare much earlier, for instance.

I do agree with you that no one should go to extreme lengths to avoid daycare, or that daycare is horrible for all kids/you should feel guilty for sending your kid. It is the only option for many, many parents, and I get that. However, for OP and others who do have other options, it's important to have an accurate picture of the pros (which are often oversold by parents who are trying to rationalize their own choices) and cons (which are not talked about NEARLY enough). I've experienced both.

No, it means she has attended 9 out of 10 to 19 out of 20 days.

There are typically 250 working days in a year. 10% of that is 25 days. That works out to 5 bad illnesses. Now that I break it down like this, I'd say my child has definitely been closer to 95% attendance.

We've gone through periods when she was sick more often, and periods when she has not gotten sick at all. It's not easy during the fall/winter months, but it is not remotely every other week either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm here to tell you that daycare is a sh*tshow of constant viral illness. I mean constant. My kid has been in daycare for about 7 months now, and he has been sick - no joke - 13 times. I'm not talking runny nose/sniffles (although there's been plenty of that too). I'm talking days of fever that won't break, ER visits, chest X-rays, antibiotics, vomiting, pinkeye - the works. And he was 2.5 when he started, so his immune system was relatively more developed than an infant. Especially post-COVID, kids' immune systems are wrecked and they pick up EVERYTHING. We're lucky enough to have backup childcare in the form of a part-time nanny and willing grandparents, but if we didn't, I'd probably be fired by now. Like, I'd have to be taking time off work every other week. And of course, I'm paying $$$ for daycare that I've only used ~60% of the time.

I just can't fathom why someone would expose their kid to all this during a crucial developmental stage if they have the option not to. This is when their brains are doing a huge amount of growing, and if they're constantly sick and miserable, all their energy is devoted to healing (slash basically all they can do is veg out in front of cartoons). When my kid was home with nanny, he got sick maybe twice a year? If that. And he was way verbally advanced for his age by the time he started daycare. Whatever nominal socialization he's getting is completely not worth it. He was a happy, social, well-adjusted kid before daycare.

1000% go with a nanny if you have the option.

Daycare illness is absolutely a thing and it is hard to deal with. However, every child is affected differently. Ours thankfully has been healthy enough to attend 90-95% of the time. Rarely has a fever. Did have a verbal delay when home during a five month pandemic closure that resolved quite quickly soon after the center reopened. Therapist said being inna group setting is helpful for speech delays.

Everyone's family situation is different. For us a nanny was not an option for various reasons but we do know people who affirmatively chose daycare, including people who tried nannies and did not like it. Either option can be the best option for any given family, regardless of what other people can "fathom".

One thing I strongly believe is that nobody should go to extreme lengths just to avoid daycare. By extreme lengths I mean trying to work full time while caring for a baby, or living paycheck to paycheck to afford a nanny.

I'd say your child is a major outlier then. 90-95% attendance means that your kid has only been sick one time the entire year (I literally don't know a single daycare or even school-age child for whom that's remotely true - average is 10-12 respiratory illnesses a year for kids in daycare, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics), or you're sending them to daycare sick.

Re: verbal delays, I don't doubt that was the case for your child (and maybe for others with diagnosed verbal delays), but there's just no data to back up the idea that group settings enhance language/cognitive skills generally. See https://www.nichd.nih.gov/sites/default/files/publications/pubs/documents/seccyd_06.pdf ("most children in exclusive maternal care at just older than 1 year and at 2 and 3 years of age had cognitive, language, and achievement scores similar to those of children in child care.") Our kid's verbal skills were vastly more advanced than his same-age peers who started in daycare much earlier, for instance.

I do agree with you that no one should go to extreme lengths to avoid daycare, or that daycare is horrible for all kids/you should feel guilty for sending your kid. It is the only option for many, many parents, and I get that. However, for OP and others who do have other options, it's important to have an accurate picture of the pros (which are often oversold by parents who are trying to rationalize their own choices) and cons (which are not talked about NEARLY enough). I've experienced both.

You're not the only person who has experienced both. Many people experience nannies, and then switch to daycare.

I absolutely see the benefit of nannies, but I absolutely object to the notion that daycare is something you should only do if you don't have any other option. Come on. Open your eyes and realize not every family is your family.

[Anonymous]

Tell me more about cons of a nanny, pls, except cost. Not talking about a young person in the park bringing your kid to the park for 10-15 min, then strapping them back in the stroller and heading for the mall with friends, but "the real thing". The one who arrives on time every day, does planned activities, goes to the park for 2 hrs, then hot lunch and a nap, who adores your child and they love her back. So, what are the cons?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell me more about cons of a nanny, pls, except cost. Not talking about a young person in the park bringing your kid to the park for 10-15 min, then strapping them back in the stroller and heading for the mall with friends, but "the real thing". The one who arrives on time every day, does planned activities, goes to the park for 2 hrs, then hot lunch and a nap, who adores your child and they love her back. So, what are the cons?

We have a nanny. She is "the real thing" just as you describe. I guess the only con is that she's expensive and she does occasionally get sick or take vacation and then we scramble to figure out what to do. Otherwise I would choose her over any day care, at least for now (18 mo).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell me more about cons of a nanny, pls, except cost. Not talking about a young person in the park bringing your kid to the park for 10-15 min, then strapping them back in the stroller and heading for the mall with friends, but "the real thing". The one who arrives on time every day, does planned activities, goes to the park for 2 hrs, then hot lunch and a nap, who adores your child and they love her back. So, what are the cons?

My mother watched my kid for the first 12 months and was adamant we put DC in daycare instead of hire a nanny when she had to depart.

She saw nannies at the park every day and found the majority to be mediocre (did not speak to the kid, watched movies on their phone, gossiped with other nannies while leaving babies strapped in strollers) or downright negligent (my mom interfered multiple times to help young toddlers in her vicinity whose nannies weren't paying attention).

At least at daycare there are multiple responsible adults around and controlled/safer environments.

Let's be honest: most caregivers (daycare workers AND nannies alike) do not "love" their charges. They keep them alive and safe and make the minimum effort required.