Daycare vs. nanny

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We chose nanny and will keep a FT nanny until the kids are old enough to drive.

Same. I don't understand the people who say "nanny until age 2 or 3 when the kid is ready to socialize." Are they keeping their baby locked in their house all day? Don't they let the nanny take them out? Our nanny took our babies/toddlers/preschoolers out for a morning activity, then home for lunch and a nap, then out a second time. They played with other kids every single day.

It is usually people who cannot afford to shell out $50k+ long term so they prioritize the infant/toddler years, which I agree are the most important

My personal belief is that half-day preschool + parent/nanny is better than daycare, and school + parent/nanny is better than aftercare. But not everyone can afford that luxury.

[Anonymous]

I have a couple of friends that affirmatively chose daycare over nanny. One said she didn't want to deal with the headache of being an employer. I think a big factor was also that her DH works from home, and that there was a well regarded center literally down the block. Daycare was what worked for them. Another friend had a couple of nannies during the pandemic but she and her DH were working from home at the same time and she really did not like that, it was just too many people in the house (which is not enormous but not small either). My sense is their nannies we're also not the greatest.

I think people have their reasons for choosing daycare over nannies even if money is not the issue, but other people's reasons based on their own personal circumstances shouldn't stop you from doing what you think is best for your family.

[Anonymous]

We have done all three (nanny, SAHM, and now daycare/preschool) with our DD. Having a nanny in that first year of life was really re-assuring, especially as an anxious FTM that wasn't ready to let DD out of my sight for 8+ hours a day. We were lucky enough that I was able to take a year off with her from 1-2 but by the time she turned 2, it was obvious that our various field trips/outings weren't cutting it and she was dying for more social interaction with kids. Sent her to daycare at an accredited preschool at 2 she could not be happier living her best life playing with her best friends every day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Which is better? We were planning to get a nanny for our baby when he’s six to seven months old, but we’ve had a few people tell us that they thought daycare was the better choice due to not having to be someone’s boss, more oversight of care, and more socialization. I was hesitant to put such a young baby into daycare, but the point about oversight gives me pause. We’re looking to hire a professional nanny (i.e., someone who has a degree in early childhood education and sees this as a career) so we were hoping to avoid the horror stories about nannies who are distracted on their phones all day, but you can never really know. Any experiences/thoughts about which is better? Have you ever started with one and switched? Cost is not relevant to our decision.

This is the best option. It comes down to you-get-what-you-pay-for. I've honestly never heard anyone say anything but praise for their professional, educated nannies. I've heard pretty scary stuff about daycare and rando third worlder nannies. Go with your instincts and dont listen to jealous haters who cant afford a good nanny. This is one area of life where it's better to be elitist than a cheapskate.

And apparently a racist too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Which is better? We were planning to get a nanny for our baby when he’s six to seven months old, but we’ve had a few people tell us that they thought daycare was the better choice due to not having to be someone’s boss, more oversight of care, and more socialization. I was hesitant to put such a young baby into daycare, but the point about oversight gives me pause. We’re looking to hire a professional nanny (i.e., someone who has a degree in early childhood education and sees this as a career) so we were hoping to avoid the horror stories about nannies who are distracted on their phones all day, but you can never really know. Any experiences/thoughts about which is better? Have you ever started with one and switched? Cost is not relevant to our decision.

NP. You aren’t going to get rational opinions here. People are so defensive about their choices they can’t accept disagreement. Then you also have a group of nannies who try to keep their income stream going by posting daycare horror stories.

I have stayed home, used daycare, used a nanny, and used family care, FWIW. I do not have an allegiance to one method of childcare. There are advantages and disadvantages to all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Which is better? We were planning to get a nanny for our baby when he’s six to seven months old, but we’ve had a few people tell us that they thought daycare was the better choice due to not having to be someone’s boss, more oversight of care, and more socialization. I was hesitant to put such a young baby into daycare, but the point about oversight gives me pause. We’re looking to hire a professional nanny (i.e., someone who has a degree in early childhood education and sees this as a career) so we were hoping to avoid the horror stories about nannies who are distracted on their phones all day, but you can never really know. Any experiences/thoughts about which is better? Have you ever started with one and switched? Cost is not relevant to our decision.

NP. You aren’t going to get rational opinions here. People are so defensive about their choices they can’t accept disagreement. Then you also have a group of nannies who try to keep their income stream going by posting daycare horror stories.

I have stayed home, used daycare, used a nanny, and used family care, FWIW. I do not have an allegiance to one method of childcare. There are advantages and disadvantages to all.

I actually think there have been some rationale opinions on this thread (including yours).

[Anonymous]

We like daycare because we both WFH and it's kind of chaotic to have our kid plus an extra adult in the house while we are working, but we did keep him home until he was one.

[Anonymous]

I was Team Nanny but now daycare is more available. I do like the idea of a team so you’re not stuck when the nanny is sick or off to see family.

You are absolutely right to check references carefully even if the agency checks.

I had three good nanny experiences and one poor one.

Today it also is easier for many to work from home if the child is sick.

[Anonymous]

We had a nanny and would probably do it all over again, but there were downsides:
- Managing nanny is time consuming;
- Nanny called in for sick days or snow days unpredictably;
- Nanny ran personal errands with my child without asking my permission and it really bothered me;
- I got sick of nanny's constant presence (which was needed and appreciated, so my feelings were admittedly confused).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Which is better? We were planning to get a nanny for our baby when he’s six to seven months old, but we’ve had a few people tell us that they thought daycare was the better choice due to not having to be someone’s boss, more oversight of care, and more socialization. I was hesitant to put such a young baby into daycare, but the point about oversight gives me pause. We’re looking to hire a professional nanny (i.e., someone who has a degree in early childhood education and sees this as a career) so we were hoping to avoid the horror stories about nannies who are distracted on their phones all day, but you can never really know. Any experiences/thoughts about which is better? Have you ever started with one and switched? Cost is not relevant to our decision.

NP. You aren’t going to get rational opinions here. People are so defensive about their choices they can’t accept disagreement. Then you also have a group of nannies who try to keep their income stream going by posting daycare horror stories.

I have stayed home, used daycare, used a nanny, and used family care, FWIW. I do not have an allegiance to one method of childcare. There are advantages and disadvantages to all.

+1.

[Anonymous]

The fact that a nanny costs much more than daycare, and well off parents usually choose that option, tells you that nannies are better than daycare. Of course, if you feel anxious about the lack of oversight, then a nanny is not right for you. But shit happens at daycare too.

We had a nanny from infancy to age 2 when a brief daycare stint went poorly, and now we have a nanny again. Managing a good nanny isn’t hard. Hire a payroll company so you don’t need to deal with that stuff. Even if she uses up her 5 sick days per year, that’s nothing compared to how much work you’ll miss when your kid is sick from daycare germs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The fact that a nanny costs much more than daycare, and well off parents usually choose that option, tells you that nannies are better than daycare. Of course, if you feel anxious about the lack of oversight, then a nanny is not right for you. But shit happens at daycare too.

We had a nanny from infancy to age 2 when a brief daycare stint went poorly, and now we have a nanny again. Managing a good nanny isn’t hard. Hire a payroll company so you don’t need to deal with that stuff. Even if she uses up her 5 sick days per year, that’s nothing compared to how much work you’ll miss when your kid is sick from daycare germs.

The same people who loudly say that many wealthy parents choose nannies and therefore that makes nannies better are the same people in a few years who scream about how private schools aren’t any better than public even though many wealthy parents choose private.

[Anonymous]

I thought about a nanny share when we were deciding as there were a shortage of daycare spots at the time. But a few friends I trust pointed out the downsides they dealt with (managing an employee on top of other mental load/ parenting issues, having someone in your personal space all the time, cost). On top of the benefits of daycare (being part of a community, interaction with other kids, having structure/ activities, being in an environment where the individual child’s needs and wants are not the center of attention, exposure to other adults/caregivers, stimulating environment outside of the home, etc) those concerns made me decide not to pursue it.

I have friends with more demanding jobs (so can’t do a 6pm pickup) and other preferences who did a nanny share. It’s really about what works for you and your family, OP.

[Anonymous]

This is a no brainer if cost is not issue - Nanny. Babies do not socialize. They need secure attachment to a caretaker. And nannies - unless yours is inexperienced or incompetent - will socialize your kids because they hang out with other nannies. It’s for their own sanity too!

Don’t let the horror stories scare you - they are so rare and if you want to go down that road of thinking, there’s no shortage of daycare horror stories, even good, accredited, expensive ones. Just do a searcH on DCUM for instances of daycare forgetting very young toddlers at playground, instances of abuse/negligence, etc.

There will be plenty of time for “socialization” at institutional care once they hit 2-3, when they can benefit more from it.

I didn’t love being an employer but it really isn’t much work once you set it up. It’s a lot easier than dealing with daycare closures and more illnesses.

[Anonymous]

I think a good Nanny is better for your kid than a daycare setting BUT daycare can be more reliable. They’re not going to close on 2 weeks notice or not provide care because an employee is sick…… so if you have no flexibility with your jobs I would do daycare. If you do have flexibility or local family/friends to be last minute backs up I would do a Nanny.