Please explain to me what a pick-me girl is

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Commenters are conflating Pick Me with Not Like Other Girls

What is the difference? I always thought that "Not like other Girls" was the (or one of the) defining features of Pick Mes. "Pick me because I'm not like other girls."

It's the same.

[Anonymous]

Where do lesbians fall into this? So many of the "I'm not like other girls" women I know are lesbians.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Commenters are conflating Pick Me with Not Like Other Girls

What is the difference? I always thought that "Not like other Girls" was the (or one of the) defining features of Pick Mes. "Pick me because I'm not like other girls."

Yes, it's describing the same phenomenon. A hallmark of the pick-me girl is the idea that she is better than other women because she doesn't follow the crowd and do what "all" the other women do. This is why the actual qualities of a pick-me can change depending on the trends at the time or the community in which she lives. So a pick-me can be any sort of woman:

- Among a group of women who like brunch and rosé and getting their nails done, a pick-me might style herself as "one of the guys" who prefers beer and sports
- In a community where most women are career-focused and ambitious, a pick-me might frame herself as an aspiring "trad wife" with traditional values
- If most women around them wear makeup, dye and straighten their hair, etc., a pick-me might emphasize that she's "natural" and not into artificial enhancements

The most aggressive pick-me I ever met actually cycled through multiple versions of pick-me-ness in the years I knew her, in order to try and stay one step ahead of the women she viewed as her competitors for men, and also in an effort to better align herself with the kind of guy she wanted to land (ultimately, someone with a high paying job who could support her). I watched her become the chill girl who is go with the flow (unlike all those uptight women who need to label everything), then the sporty girl who just loves cheering on her [boyfriend's] favorite sports team (unlike those boring women who are indifferent to sports), then the more traditional woman who wants to stay at home with her kids and cook for her husband because that's just inherently what she enjoys (unlike those selfish women who want to work on their own careers and let other people take care of their kids). Over the course of these transformations, I heard her assert completely opposite things at different times, as she hunted for the right combinations of attributes that would land her the best possible man. It was nauseating, especially because I at no point felt I was competing with her for men (I was in a relationship the entire time), but did not enjoy being used as a point of comparison for the kind of woman she was not, on various occasions, in order to help her entrap her eventual husband. No thank you.

[Anonymous]

PP is describing it well. It's like someone who demands attention by being chatty and flirtatious, then insisting that they hate attention. They'll order a burger and make jokes about girls who only eat salad. They'll insist that they're a guys' girl, and have NO idea why women hate them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where do lesbians fall into this? So many of the "I'm not like other girls" women I know are lesbians.

I think pick-me women are often focused on landing a man, but I've met pick-mes who used the same strategies to get ahead at work or as leverage to dominate social circles.

Also, in some LGBTQ circles, you'll see heterodoxy assert itself simply because these stories are so culturally pervasive. This is why some gay relationships still have a "husband" and a "wife", for instance. I've also known many LGBTQ people who held some very misogynist views, sometimes masking it as a critique of heterosexual gender essentialism.

I think the pick-me personality is, by nature, someone who seeks to distinguish themselves as superior to others. It's about validation more than sexual attraction. I bet you that a lot of pick-mes with siblings also vy for their parents' attention in the same way, for instance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS says they are girls that dress overly sexual to get the attention of boys. Try too hard to be the one a guy would want. For this generation, a complete turnoff. No one wants to be dating a pick me girl.

+1

[Anonymous]

DS says they are girls that dress overly sexual to get the attention of boys. Try too hard to be the one a guy would want. For this generation, a complete turnoff. No one wants to be dating a pick me girl.

So, then not the girl in You Belong With Me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where do lesbians fall into this? So many of the "I'm not like other girls" women I know are lesbians.

I think pick-me women are often focused on landing a man, but I've met pick-mes who used the same strategies to get ahead at work or as leverage to dominate social circles.

Also, in some LGBTQ circles, you'll see heterodoxy assert itself simply because these stories are so culturally pervasive. This is why some gay relationships still have a "husband" and a "wife", for instance. I've also known many LGBTQ people who held some very misogynist views, sometimes masking it as a critique of heterosexual gender essentialism.

I think the pick-me personality is, by nature, someone who seeks to distinguish themselves as superior to others. It's about validation more than sexual attraction. I bet you that a lot of pick-mes with siblings also vy for their parents' attention in the same way, for instance.

Seems like most lesbian relationships are still that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s a girl who makes a big deal how she’s not like other girls. She’s a guys girl and too cool for girl drama.

That’s a cool girl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The lame singer Pink is the ultimate poster child for "Pick Me" girls. Ugh I cannot stand her, she disgusts me.

Umm Pink is amazing so you’re wrong there. And even if I didn’t have that bias she is no way a pick me girl.

Sorry to burst your fragile little bubble, but Pink is indeed the ultimate Pick Me girl. Nothing amazing about her, and she hates women.

[Anonymous]

I have a couple of friends who have commented that they find it hard to maintain female friendships. They make it a point to say this to people (despite actually having several good close female friendships). Both of them give blatant Pick-Me vibes and are always chasing men very hard. As a friend it is painful to witness.

[Anonymous]

Ashley with the big forehead on Real Housewives of Potomac (Bravo) is a Pick Me girl. All of her friends that she brings on the show appear that way as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The lame singer Pink is the ultimate poster child for "Pick Me" girls. Ugh I cannot stand her, she disgusts me.

Umm Pink is amazing so you’re wrong there. And even if I didn’t have that bias she is no way a pick me girl.

Sorry to burst your fragile little bubble, but Pink is indeed the ultimate Pick Me girl. Nothing amazing about her, and she hates women.

You don't like her because she "disgusts" but that doesn't meet the definition of pick me for the rest of us.

Of course, you can can assume anything you like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Commenters are conflating Pick Me with Not Like Other Girls

What is the difference? I always thought that "Not like other Girls" was the (or one of the) defining features of Pick Mes. "Pick me because I'm not like other girls."

Yes, it's describing the same phenomenon. A hallmark of the pick-me girl is the idea that she is better than other women because she doesn't follow the crowd and do what "all" the other women do. This is why the actual qualities of a pick-me can change depending on the trends at the time or the community in which she lives. So a pick-me can be any sort of woman:

- Among a group of women who like brunch and rosé and getting their nails done, a pick-me might style herself as "one of the guys" who prefers beer and sports
- In a community where most women are career-focused and ambitious, a pick-me might frame herself as an aspiring "trad wife" with traditional values
- If most women around them wear makeup, dye and straighten their hair, etc., a pick-me might emphasize that she's "natural" and not into artificial enhancements

The most aggressive pick-me I ever met actually cycled through multiple versions of pick-me-ness in the years I knew her, in order to try and stay one step ahead of the women she viewed as her competitors for men, and also in an effort to better align herself with the kind of guy she wanted to land (ultimately, someone with a high paying job who could support her). I watched her become the chill girl who is go with the flow (unlike all those uptight women who need to label everything), then the sporty girl who just loves cheering on her [boyfriend's] favorite sports team (unlike those boring women who are indifferent to sports), then the more traditional woman who wants to stay at home with her kids and cook for her husband because that's just inherently what she enjoys (unlike those selfish women who want to work on their own careers and let other people take care of their kids). Over the course of these transformations, I heard her assert completely opposite things at different times, as she hunted for the right combinations of attributes that would land her the best possible man. It was nauseating, especially because I at no point felt I was competing with her for men (I was in a relationship the entire time), but did not enjoy being used as a point of comparison for the kind of woman she was not, on various occasions, in order to help her entrap her eventual husband. No thank you.

Yes, this is the best statement about pick-mes.

[Anonymous]

It’s someone who suggests men pick her so that they don’t have to accept any typical issues of picking a woman. Ex: man: I hate hair all over the bathroom floor
Woman: so?
Pick me woman: I’m better than women because I don’t leave hair on the bathroom floor