Please explain to me what a pick-me girl is

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s a girl who makes a big deal how she’s not like other girls. She’s a guys girl and too cool for girl drama.

So, how is a Pick Me! girl different from a soft girl?

[Anonymous]

A pick me girl wants the guys to pick her as a girlfriend, and will do, say, wear, and act any sort of way to make that happen.

Soft girls, as I understand it, are more into just living a non stressful, calm life.

[Anonymous]

It’s the “Uncle Tom” of women

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not to be meta, but, if we are criticizing how other girls and women behave, are we any better than them?

OP's first attempt to turn this thread the way they want--into an argument about feminists vs non-feminists

PLEASE recognize these random threads for what they are and don't respond to them, these questions are never posted on DCUM in good faith

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are there also pick-me boys?

OP's second attempt

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are the girls you skanks are jealous of and your husbands think about all the time.

Third attempt, the direct approach

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not to be meta, but, if we are criticizing how other girls and women behave, are we any better than them?

Don't get caught in circular logic. Pick me behavior is negative because it pits women in competition with one another for the attention and approval of men. It is a specific behavior some women engage in that perpetuates misogyny and harms other women. It's okay to criticize that, especially in a conversation among women. The goal is ultimately to encourage women to support each other and NOT compete for men in this way. It's ultimately a pro-woman conversation because it's assuming that women have value beyond simply being chosen by men.

This is substantively different than what a pick me woman does, which is subtly put down other women when she is around men, in order to make herself look good. Pick me behavior places the desires of men above everything else. They are the audience and recipient, and pick me women turn all women into auditioners.

But that's exactly what most of these posts are doing. Women who like stereotypically male pastimes are bad because it *must* be performative and only designed to compete with other women, and these women are not as "good" as a woman who is stereotypically feminine. There's no intention involved -- a woman behaves in any other way than the socially approved way around men, she is "subtly put[ting] down other women" and must be scorned.

Fourth attempt--trying to draw someone into an argument now

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not to be meta, but, if we are criticizing how other girls and women behave, are we any better than them?

Don't get caught in circular logic. Pick me behavior is negative because it pits women in competition with one another for the attention and approval of men. It is a specific behavior some women engage in that perpetuates misogyny and harms other women. It's okay to criticize that, especially in a conversation among women. The goal is ultimately to encourage women to support each other and NOT compete for men in this way. It's ultimately a pro-woman conversation because it's assuming that women have value beyond simply being chosen by men.

This is substantively different than what a pick me woman does, which is subtly put down other women when she is around men, in order to make herself look good. Pick me behavior places the desires of men above everything else. They are the audience and recipient, and pick me women turn all women into auditioners.

But that's exactly what most of these posts are doing. Women who like stereotypically male pastimes are bad because it *must* be performative and only designed to compete with other women, and these women are not as "good" as a woman who is stereotypically feminine. There's no intention involved -- a woman behaves in any other way than the socially approved way around men, she is "subtly put[ting] down other women" and must be scorned.

Also, don't miss the not so subtle anti-male tone here. A woman who appeals to men is BAD because men are oppressors and if it's something they like, it can't be natural or good.

Fifth attempt--really really wants someone to argue with this point

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s the “Uncle Tom” of women

What??!? Please tell us you didn’t mean that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some other examples from music (I actually like/d a lot of pick me music back in the day haha)

Misery Business
She's got a body like an hourglass, it's ticking like a clock
It's a matter of time before we all run out
When I thought he was mine, she caught him by the mouth
I waited eight long months, she finally set him free
I told him I couldn't lie, he was the only one for me
Two weeks and we had caught on fire
She's got it out for me, but I wear the biggest smile
Whoa, I never meant to brag
But I got him where I want him now
Whoa, it was never my intention to brag
To steal it all away from you now

She "stole" the guy from the hourglass hottie and is bragging about it.

Taylor Swift You Belong With Me is a pick me, Pussycat dolls "doncha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me", Avril Lavigne Sk8er boi and I dont like your girlfriend, Alanis Morisette You Otta Know.

If you read the lyrics you can get a sense of the comparison/putting down that makes someone a pick me.

The first of these might be 'pick me' but not the others - not even You Belong With Me and especially not You Oughta No. Longing for someone or anger that you were dumped does not make one a 'pick me' girl.

You Belong with Me is a pick-me anthem. The whole song is about how Taylor is perfect for this guy because she’s not like other girls, but she really gets him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some other examples from music (I actually like/d a lot of pick me music back in the day haha)

Misery Business
She's got a body like an hourglass, it's ticking like a clock
It's a matter of time before we all run out
When I thought he was mine, she caught him by the mouth
I waited eight long months, she finally set him free
I told him I couldn't lie, he was the only one for me
Two weeks and we had caught on fire
She's got it out for me, but I wear the biggest smile
Whoa, I never meant to brag
But I got him where I want him now
Whoa, it was never my intention to brag
To steal it all away from you now

She "stole" the guy from the hourglass hottie and is bragging about it.

Taylor Swift You Belong With Me is a pick me, Pussycat dolls "doncha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me", Avril Lavigne Sk8er boi and I dont like your girlfriend, Alanis Morisette You Otta Know.

If you read the lyrics you can get a sense of the comparison/putting down that makes someone a pick me.

The first of these might be 'pick me' but not the others - not even You Belong With Me and especially not You Oughta No. Longing for someone or anger that you were dumped does not make one a 'pick me' girl.

You Belong with Me is a pick-me anthem. The whole song is about how Taylor is perfect for this guy because she’s not like other girls, but she really gets him.

Nothing in those lyrics indicate that Taylor is 'not like other girls'. She's just not like the girl her love interest is with right now. Taylor compares/contrasts herself only with that girl but isn't judging her - only that she is the opposite of that girl and is a better fit for their shared love interest.

I've experienced this except the other way around. My DH (married 25+ years) is not someone who I would have dated in college. I would have partied with him but nothing more because he wasn't what I thought 'my type' was like. Turns out, 'my type' didn't get my humor, didn't like my music, was more high maintenance than I was (but they definitely looked good!), and just wasn't as easy to be with as my DH - very similar to Taylor's song. It took me a while to see that a guy like my DH was really what I was looking for. Definitely not a 'pick me' situation.

[Anonymous]

A pick me is a try hard.

[Anonymous]

A lot of the GOP Magattes are 'pick me girls'. They conform (either deliberately or through conditioning) to the ideals of patriarchy in order to be looked favorably upon by a certain type of man. They espouse and support positions that are detrimental to women in order to curry attention and favor not recognizing that they aren't valued for who they are but how they reflect on the men whose attention/approval they seek.

[Anonymous]

This is a disgusting thread. Those poor teenage girls who already don't fit, then have to be the subject of middle-aged bullies. OP: you knew what you were starting. It's like the only way any of you can feel cool is by whining about cool young women on an anonymous message board. Pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a disgusting thread. Those poor teenage girls who already don't fit, then have to be the subject of middle-aged bullies. OP: you knew what you were starting. It's like the only way any of you can feel cool is by whining about cool young women on an anonymous message board. Pathetic.

There is a huge difference between people who 'don't fit in' and being a 'pick me' girl. And, it's not just teenage girls. How many times has a woman 'battled' to keep her cheating husband? She's engaging in the 'pick me' game.