Would you be annoyed or am I being overly sensitive? *vent*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you are disappointed that this is who he is, kind of clueless and self absorbed. However, I bet you already knew he was like that.

I suggest with guys like him that you just directly tell him what you need him to do, specifically and in detail, don't ask just tell him. The mistake you made was letting him use his own judgment when you probably already knew his judgment is often lacking. At a time such as you recovering from surgery there is no room for him screwing things up so don't give him the opportunity.

Here is an example: "No, this not a good time to walk to the store. I need my meds right away and I need you to fix or buy dinner. Go get my meds and dinner now. After that if you want to go for a walk you can do that once the kids are settled."

It may take a little time for you both to adjust to this dynamic but ultimately you will both be happier. You will get what you need from him and he won't feel stupid for needlessly screwing things up.

yeah but she was recovering from GA. She couldn't and shouldn't have to think that clearly. He should have driven to the pharmacy, picked up the pain meds, driven back home, and then INstacarted the food including something for dinner while watching the kids while she rested. He should know to do that. Yes if he does not she should tell him but she was sick and recovering and not in any shape to do that and she shouldn't have to do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you are disappointed that this is who he is, kind of clueless and self absorbed. However, I bet you already knew he was like that.

I suggest with guys like him that you just directly tell him what you need him to do, specifically and in detail, don't ask just tell him. The mistake you made was letting him use his own judgment when you probably already knew his judgment is often lacking. At a time such as you recovering from surgery there is no room for him screwing things up so don't give him the opportunity.

Here is an example: "No, this not a good time to walk to the store. I need my meds right away and I need you to fix or buy dinner. Go get my meds and dinner now. After that if you want to go for a walk you can do that once the kids are settled."

It may take a little time for you both to adjust to this dynamic but ultimately you will both be happier. You will get what you need from him and he won't feel stupid for needlessly screwing things up.

yeah but she was recovering from GA. She couldn't and shouldn't have to think that clearly. He should have driven to the pharmacy, picked up the pain meds, driven back home, and then INstacarted the food including something for dinner while watching the kids while she rested. He should know to do that. Yes if he does not she should tell him but she was sick and recovering and not in any shape to do that and she shouldn't have to do that.

Me again. I just saw the poster who said, "Who drinks cheer wine?"

Southerners! I am one, or at least used to be and sort of still am. OP, your husband is a white southern man who grew up being babied and not having to lift a finger in his house, am I right? Yeah, they generally are not good husbands. Sorry!

[Anonymous]

I'm divorced after being married a long time. I love living in total PEACE. I will never remarry. I have a "friend" and that's all I need or want. I'm glad you left him. I was really angry he did that to you.

[Anonymous]

Guy here - i read the original post with shock and dismay.

Glad OP made the right decision for herself and her kids. Best of luck.

[Anonymous]

That’s what iPads are for! Cases like this! As well as food delivery.

[Anonymous]

This is one of the few DCUM posts I've seen where everyone is universally behind OP. Solidarity!

[Anonymous]

Yikes!
Your husband really dropped the ball yesterday.

He needed his focus to be entirely on you as well as helping w/the kids vs. needing to get in his steps, etc.

I would also be mad 😡 at the situation as well.
No, you are not being insensitive at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Omg a haircut? I thought I had it bad after my c-section when DH took about an hour to bring Tylenol and ended up bringing baby Tylenol instead. English is his second language and he said he thought it was the right one because I just had a baby lol

LOL that is pretty funny!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, he really dropped the ball. What kind of man can't carry pain meds (I don't know what cheer wine is?) and dinner? When he brought you a bag of ice I'd have immediately said "No, an ice PACK - like the ones that go in kids lunch boxes" and not let him give me the ice bag.

Cheerwine is soda. Kind of like a generic Dr Pepper.

[Anonymous]

For people that read only the first post: the thread is two year old and they are now divorced

[Anonymous]

Was he not aware of what your recovery would look like? My husband had a minor procedure once and he was mad that I didn't act like it was a bigger deal. I wish we had discussed beforehand, because I honestly thought it wasn't going to be a big thing. I should have clearly done a better job asking how he was, but we just hadn't discussed it and I guess I thought he'd have said something either before or after. Long story short, you guys clearly had a miscommunication. Yes, you tried to discuss before he left for the store, but not in the clearest terms. You should have said what you needed (i.e. to not have to deal with childcare or make any food). If at that point he didn't step up, then you'd have a real problem on your hands.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That is absolutely ridiculous and inconsiderate. It seems deliberate. Does he not understand that you would have liked to be able to recover and rest? I’m dumbfounded.

Did OP ever tell him that? And yes, I understand there are basic levels of decency, but I can't stand it when people expect their spouses to be mind readers. Say what you mean, say what you want, and stop being mad because someone didn't know how you felt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, he really dropped the ball. What kind of man can't carry pain meds (I don't know what cheer wine is?) and dinner? When he brought you a bag of ice I'd have immediately said "No, an ice PACK - like the ones that go in kids lunch boxes" and not let him give me the ice bag.

Go get yourself some Cheerwine immediately! It's a soda from NC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of men have reflexive, defensive selfishness like this. He spent part of the morning taking care of you and that was literally all he had in him.

The next thing that will happen is he will develop an injury or illness.

Not even kidding, be prepared for him to cheat and/or divorce you if you get cancer.

Ding ding.

[Anonymous]

I’m divorced now and there are 1 million reasons why.

But one really really stands out and it’s when I was having a miscarriage and I was laying in bed and he came up and asked me if I was gonna come out and help shovel. And I did (that’s one me)

I obviously didn’t divorce him for that. But it a time where I realized he really expected too much and I didn’t know how to just say no that’s insane.

I’m 60 now and I don’t know 1 husband who would do much better. We take our married friends to Dr appts, make dinner when they are sick. Thank goodness for insta cart,