How long did you grieve your parent?

[Anonymous]

My dad died when I was in high school, right around 30 years ago. He'd been ill with a variety of Agent Orange related illnesses and ultimately died of cancer. It was not unexpected but was a blow. I missed him at pivotal life events like going off to college, getting married, having children. And when my husband died suddenly when I was in my early 30s, I had a deep, visceral grief that did subside with time, but hit very hard at the time.

[Anonymous]

My parents died 6 years apart almost to the day of devastating diseases. I was 40 years old when my mom died, and 46 when my dad passed last year. My mom’s death shook me to the core. Her stage 4 cancer diagnosis came as an utter shock. After that she had 6 months. One round chemo, and then hospice. The six months seemed long because she couldn’t eat for most of it. My father had been ill earlier, diagnosed with a no incurable disease… he still outlived my mom, but gradually lost function. My brother took care of him m, which proved to be a mercy for both of them. They moved to my parents native country where help was more affordable.

I miss them both so much. Not a day goes by that they aren’t present in my thoughts. They are there to give me advice, cheer me on and beam with pride over my kids, whom they loved. I am not religious, but followed the rites for their successful ascension into the next realm.
I would say the grief dissipated for me when the rites weee over and I felt that their souls weee truly free. They were no longer suffering. They were everywhere. They were within me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Um about a month? I think the phases were shock and then deep sadness for her. She was kind of delusional but always claimed to love life and I know she loved being fussed over and getting a ton of attention, and would be SO hurt to know she died both suddenly and alone. She'd have wanted people to cry at her deathbed while she imparted secrets and wisdom to them and such. Then, the last phase was sadness for me that I wasn't sad for myself that she died, just sad for her, and happy for my dad that he was finally free.

My mom died at night, and in my religion the funeral takes place very shortly after death, so I basically cried on and off through a couple of days of work. Then had my work laptop open while also having personal laptop open as I watched the funeral service during work hours. I was working from home so nobody at work knew. So I guess it didn't affect me at work at all.

I’m sure not shortly enough that you couldn’t fly there. Unless it was another country around the globe.

[Anonymous]

It took years before I felt like myself again. Months before I could let the thought of my father leave my mind for a good long time.

My father was my best friend. An exceptional person I talked to every day.

There's no right or wrong with grief. It can be unbearable at first. It does lessen over time in its intensity. Yet I have no doubt that I will think fondly of my father and miss him, in some way or another, for the rest of my life. No rationalizing away my emotions or their intensity helps that.

Yet, nothing stays the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I miss my Dad every day. He had been sick for a while though and the quality of the last 5 or so years of his life wasn’t great, so in that respect I’m glad he’s free from that. I get angry at times that he was robbed of being the grandfather he always wanted to be. He would have been the most out of control fun grandfather, and I mean that in the best way, but by the time the kids were toddlers he wasn’t doing well. I love telling my kids stories about him and how he would have been their biggest cheerleader at their sporting events.

This sounds so much like the story of me and my dad. Even with the timeframe of his illness and the kids. I wish you peace, friend.