I don't understand people who do not love their family

[Anonymous]

I am wondering if OP is either a troll or someone who just grew up in such a bubble that she does not understand just because she never experienced abuse or an untreated mentally ill family member incapable of creating a loving home...then it must not exist in families.

I have posted before maybe even on this thread that I had a strong marriage and I never brag about it or question how everyone does not have a strong marriage. I have enough life experience to know some people are in truly horrible situations despite all their good efforts. I have enough characters in my family I knew how to recognize signs the charmer could be an abuser and I knew red flags so I was fortunate that my horrible experiences helped me in this way. I do not judge people in bad marriages or ask them rude questions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your mother and father raise you with so much love and care, putting their own lives hopes and dreams on hold to stay up with you all night, wiping your poop, paying for your clothes, watching loving you just as you are. Your siblings are people you were automatic best friends, and companions in this wild ride through life. You grew up together!

And then people grow up and want to move away from their parents and aren't close to their siblings...How?

How can any one else in the world replace this kind of love??

I’m glad that your parents raised you in a loving and supportive way. I’m glad your siblings were kind and friendly. Not everyone has that experience.

I suffered many types of abuse at the hands of my nuclear family. I have zero contact with one sibling, thank God. I minimize contact with my parents for my well-being. I do love my parents, but it is a love that causes me more pain than joy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your mother and father raise you with so much love and care, putting their own lives hopes and dreams on hold to stay up with you all night, wiping your poop, paying for your clothes, watching loving you just as you are. Your siblings are people you were automatic best friends, and companions in this wild ride through life. You grew up together!

And then people grow up and want to move away from their parents and aren't close to their siblings...How?

How can any one else in the world replace this kind of love??

I’m glad that your parents raised you in a loving and supportive way. I’m glad your siblings were kind and friendly. Not everyone has that experience.

I suffered many types of abuse at the hands of my nuclear family. I have zero contact with one sibling, thank God. I minimize contact with my parents for my well-being. I do love my parents, but it is a love that causes me more pain than joy.

My father, who never wanted to be one, absolutely hated me. Abused me physically, and called me fat dumb and lazy. Thankfully he abandoned the family leaving my addicted mother to go it alone. Although he deemed me fat dumb and lazy, mind you I was a national champion in track and an outstanding student. I went to college on an athletic scholarship and did well academically and athletically. Went on to grad school and did even better. In this sense it was easy to dismiss his rants. I did not talk to him in the last few decades of his life, but the last time I did he reminded me I was an academic snob as well as fat dumb and lazy. The original poster must be naive as heck. It was easy to replace my father's kind of love. I will say, though that in my teens and early 20's I did think he might come around but being realistic was part of maturation.

[Anonymous]

Because even though parents may make those sacrifices, kids can tell when those sacrifices are made begrudgingly and with sustain for the child vs joyfully. The disposition of the heart matters. It is sensed in childhood and articulated I'm adulthood.

[Anonymous]

OP, there are a lot of people like you. People who can’t understand that others have had different experiences than them. Be more open minded, realize you don’t know what people have been through, and try to stop being so judgmental.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because even though parents may make those sacrifices, kids can tell when those sacrifices are made begrudgingly and with sustain for the child vs joyfully. The disposition of the heart matters. It is sensed in childhood and articulated I'm adulthood.

Disagree. My ex was always joyful and loved to play with the kids. Couldn't handle them and left to have affairs and then abandoned the family. He sees them a couple of times a year and is always joyful like he is meeting someone for a party. Seems to have no understanding that he abandoned all responsibilities as a dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your mother and father raise you with so much love and care, putting their own lives hopes and dreams on hold to stay up with you all night, wiping your poop, paying for your clothes, watching loving you just as you are. Your siblings are people you were automatic best friends, and companions in this wild ride through life. You grew up together!

And then people grow up and want to move away from their parents and aren't close to their siblings...How?

How can any one else in the world replace this kind of love??

OP, I can help. The source of your confusion is that your first sentence is often completely wrong.

You're welcome and let me know if you need anything else.