How to respond (if at all) to bf's high conflict baby mama

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Baby mama is insulting.

I think you're being ruder to her than she is being rude to you.

Interesting. I would rather be called baby mama than the plethora of rude things she’s called me :lol:

Clearly you aren’t the baby mama though, the baby mama is the one actually making an effort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There’s a child involved so it doesn’t get to be about you and your feelings. Best thing for kid is a civil relationship among adults. Figure out how to get there or get out of the way.

A mom has a right to know the person her kid is around all the time.

Only if the judge says so, and clearly that hasn’t happened. Shrug. NP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was the one with the flippant immature remark.

Coming back to dish a dose of reality.

Most likely you are girlfriend number #106 that he has played house with. You are not special, he does this with every single woman he dates and it breaks his daughters heart every time, but he doesn't care.

He tells you that she's a crazy person and gaslights her. She was about to tell you that you are girlfriend #106. He doesn't want that happening so he encourages the animosity between you.

Oh he's also hustling some other chick while he's with you and she knows about that too.

Ask me how I know!

You have a hilariously overinflated opinion of yourself. Thanks for the laugh.

Not OP (ask Jeff)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Baby mama is insulting.

I think you're being ruder to her than she is being rude to you.

Interesting. I would rather be called baby mama than the plethora of rude things she’s called me :lol:

Clearly you aren’t the baby mama though, the baby mama is the one actually making an effort.

Oh yes, maligning OP on social media and calling her strings of expletives like a tantruming 13-year-old is DEFINITELY “actually making an effort.” Are you dim?

If she wanted contact, she should have behaved like an adult. She didn’t. Oh well. She made her bed, now lie in it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again--forgot to say, I don't want advice to get out of the relationship, as well meaning as it is. You can assume that is something I'm considering as well. I really only want to the question posed in this discussion.

Either get out, or get used to threesomes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The mature thing to do would be to consider the child's well-being above all else and to make a sincere effort to make the situation less tense and awkward than it already is, regardless of what the mother says on SM. Take the higher road and be nice anyway, if you plan to stay in this child's life. Allowing her to push your buttons and name calling is just going to escalate tension and is counterproductive to a healthy future.

Sorry op, be the bigger person and make an effort. There is no world where it will work long term or be healthy for the child for you to be refusing to even say hello at drop off. If you want to be in this child’s life the way you are, you need to make a genuine effort to get this relationship to a better place. Let the SM stuff go and model maturity and bring it to the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There’s a child involved so it doesn’t get to be about you and your feelings. Best thing for kid is a civil relationship among adults. Figure out how to get there or get out of the way.

A mom has a right to know the person her kid is around all the time.

I agree with this. Although technically the mom has no right unless there is a legal agreement that states this. As a mon, you want to know who your child is being exposed to. This whole thing sounds very bad. I have to say that I am very sympathetic towards the mom more than the OP. I am worried about the child’s exposure to someone who won’t have anything to do with the mother as well as a father who keeps secrets from his child’s mother. When there is a child involved, everything that happens must be in the best interests of the child. OP really should be playing second fiddle. As the girlfriend, I would be concerned about my boyfriend’s treatment of his child’s mother. Not prioritizing the child would raise a red flag for me.

[Anonymous]

Wouldn’t you want to meet the person your child is spending time with ? Maybe a small amount empathy would go a long way.

[Anonymous]

The OP is exhausting and as others have said, immature and drama loving. This isn't a game. Clearly the mother of the child is distraught. If you had children, you'd be too. It isn't easy letting others in. Just grow up and be reassuring to this mother!!! And stop inserting yourself so dramatically into this kids life. You're not that important even though you think you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t get beyond feeling so bad for this poor child, who is dependent on immature idiots for survival.

+1

[Anonymous]

OP should care about the well-being of the child but the child’s mother does not seem like a good co-parent. Insist on your husband getting therapy with the child’s mother, and then get a court order to have all communication go through a family app as is often done in cases of divorces. Communicate through the app. Meet with the mom with a third party such as with the co-parenting therapist order to make sure that communication is productive and child-focused. If the other mom is actually verbally abusive and mentally unhealthy you may be able to limit interactions just to this. If even more verbal abuse and mental instability is revealed everyone will need to think through what is best for the child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP should care about the well-being of the child but the child’s mother does not seem like a good co-parent. Insist on your husband getting therapy with the child’s mother, and then get a court order to have all communication go through a family app as is often done in cases of divorces. Communicate through the app. Meet with the mom with a third party such as with the co-parenting therapist order to make sure that communication is productive and child-focused. If the other mom is actually verbally abusive and mentally unhealthy you may be able to limit interactions just to this. If even more verbal abuse and mental instability is revealed everyone will need to think through what is best for the child

The child's mother sounds distraught. That's all. If the dad and this crazy girlfriend actually spent time reassuring her that her kid was ok, she'd settle. Instead, he's thrown some girl into the mix and is wondering why that fueled her fire.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP should care about the well-being of the child but the child’s mother does not seem like a good co-parent. Insist on your husband getting therapy with the child’s mother, and then get a court order to have all communication go through a family app as is often done in cases of divorces. Communicate through the app. Meet with the mom with a third party such as with the co-parenting therapist order to make sure that communication is productive and child-focused. If the other mom is actually verbally abusive and mentally unhealthy you may be able to limit interactions just to this. If even more verbal abuse and mental instability is revealed everyone will need to think through what is best for the child

The child's mother sounds distraught. That's all. If the dad and this crazy girlfriend actually spent time reassuring her that her kid was ok, she'd settle. Instead, he's thrown some girl into the mix and is wondering why that fueled her fire.

Yes, she seems distraught to the point where she’s not acting in the best interest of her own child. Everyone needs to put the child first. If every adult acts out based on how they feel, then the poor child will be damaged

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

You don't owe this lady anything. If you don't want to meet her you don't have to if the court doesn't say so. It's not like she's going to be able to know if you're a safe person to be around her daughter based on a 5 minute meet and greet so that's not what it's actually about. She just wants to maintain as much control as she can. The dad is just as much a parent as she is and assessed you to be fit, and that would be good enough for any judge if you were wondering.

That said, you might think about extending some kind of goodwill so the narrative can't be spun that you're not being cooperative. You can have firm boundaries but also do some of the inconsequential things that she wants with a smile (like saying hi at pickup). Don't be stubborn for the principle of the thing. You're not losing any self-respect by doing that.