Holiday cards are the worst

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

You seem way too invested in this.

You seem unable to see beyond the end of your own nose. People who send Christmas cards are not doing it to be hurtful. Anyone who cannot understand this could use a few sessions with a therapist.

You seem unable to show compassion to someone who is hurting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I hope you keep this in mind if/when you have children. Do not send out cards with family pictures. Do not post family pictures on Facebook. You'll just be inflicting pain on others.

+1

Don’t make any joyous announcements on Facebook, text or email because you might be inflicting pain on others. Don’t send out holiday cards or anything with your kids pictures on them because you will be inflicting pain on others. Please don’t take them to the supermarket or shopping because just seeing your precious little babies will inflict on others. It will be best if you just hide your children from society.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There they hang on my fridge with pictures of proud families showing off their cubs. It’s like each of their picture-perfect existence is taunting me and saying, “ look we are better than you! We procreated!”

I received a fresh batch today and feel like crying.

How would you feel if nobody with children sent you a card?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you hanging them up?

I would glance at them and toss. It's not personal in either direction.

This is what I do. Look, read, and toss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

You seem way too invested in this.

You seem unable to see beyond the end of your own nose. People who send Christmas cards are not doing it to be hurtful. Anyone who cannot understand this could use a few sessions with a therapist.

Shut up. Seriously. You never had to struggle with infertility and shouldn’t post on something you have no clue about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I hope you keep this in mind if/when you have children. Do not send out cards with family pictures. Do not post family pictures on Facebook. You'll just be inflicting pain on others.

Not sure if this was meant to be sarcastic, but I actually think it is good advice!

Our kids are teens now but we dealt with infertility. I vividly remember how it felt to get those “smiling family cards.” I still reflexively toss those cards almost immediately. We use drugstore holiday cards. Some are very pretty, and it reminds me of my childhood christmases before the picture cards were available.

I also think it’s prudent/good practice to keep your kids images and information off of the internet, so we don’t post about them on Facebook.

People who haven’t deal with infertility may have difficulty imagining the stress and pain. The holidays are particularly rough. Please be kind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Good grief. You people have no compassion. Op is feeling a lot of pain. Stop commenting on this thread if you have nothing kind to offer.

No. She's literally complaining about the existence of families, as if people who have children are actively trying to hurt her. This is not a healthy or reasonable perspective. She needs to go to therapy to learn the skills to put things into perspective and deal with her emotions as an adult.

No, she isn’t. She’s complaining about the holiday cards that, rather than focusing on offering good wishes to the recipient, focus on telling the recipient how perfect their family is.

I mean, two things can be true at the same time. People send out holiday photo cards as a way of saying Hello, happy holidays, and do not intend to inflict pain to others. For OP, receiving those cards is understandably difficult.

We send holiday cards with family photos (and yes, I have one child, and then had a miscarriage and won't have more children and there were times that the cards were painful to see), but don't intend for it to be a montage bragging about our "perfect" family.