Need advise on letting my 16 year old go somewhere...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD and her best friend went to NYC by themselves for their 16th birthday. They wandered around the village, saw a couple of shows, skated, got matcha, etc. had a great time!

How did they get there? Did they take Amtrak by themselves, and stay in a hotel by themselves?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not let my DD go on this particular trip if the parents are as described.

If a different location, or the girls were a bit older- would be different for me.

I went to college at NYU when I was 17. How much older do you want them to be?

And we wonder why so many college kids can’t handle it anymore. They are baby’d instead of parented.

I went to NYU too (at 18). My DD is so different than I was - much less independent (but she has learning disabilities, etc), and a bit naive. The bottom line is that you need to know your kid. I would be very nervous about my kid doing this (I mean, she is not street smart at all) but I would probably allow it, if she were with a friend who is savvy and mature.

[Anonymous]

Some kids are very adult at this age, and others less so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some kids are very adult at this age, and others less so.

What is your daughter like, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live in nyc and my 14yo has been going all over the city since she was 12, as have most of the other kids we know.
Your child is 2 years away from leaving home. Please give them the opportunity to stretch their wings a bit and become independent.
NYC is a safer city than DC.

12-14 is very young to be going out alone in NYC. That's lazy parenting. It isn't safer than DC and my sibling after 25 years moved out as she started to feel unsafe.

The chaperoning parents don't sound responsible. That's a no for me.

No, it isn’t. It’s normal. There are plenty of kids even younger going out alone all over the country including in NYC.
The parents sound fine, you and op are the ones with anxiety and unrealistic expectations.

Not ok and they sound irresponsible parents.

[Anonymous]

These are the life experiences we remember, OP. Your daughter is off to college in two, short years. It is time to start letting go a little bit, and allowing her to come to the fore. You have raised a good daughter with common sense and values, no? Let her use and practice them. Let her go on the trip.

[Anonymous]

She'll be legally adult in less than 2 years. Let her do it now while she is semi-supervised and with a friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not let my DD go on this particular trip if the parents are as described.

If a different location, or the girls were a bit older- would be different for me.

I went to college at NYU when I was 17. How much older do you want them to be?

And we wonder why so many college kids can’t handle it anymore. They are baby’d instead of parented.

I went to NYU too (at 18). My DD is so different than I was - much less independent (but she has learning disabilities, etc), and a bit naive. The bottom line is that you need to know your kid. I would be very nervous about my kid doing this (I mean, she is not street smart at all) but I would probably allow it, if she were with a friend who is savvy and mature.

I have a lot of severe learning disabilities and am street smart, and sometimes took myself to NYC or Boston as a teenager for the day. You can be both.

[Anonymous]

My brother and I moved from a small town in Asia to the Bronx in the bad old days. I was 15, he was 12. I used to walk to the bus stop, take the bus, and walk to the school. My brother got into Brooklyn Tech, and used to walk to the subway, take multiple trains, and then walk to school. I started college at 17, and used to walk to the bus, then take the train, change to another, and walk to college, in Harlem. We were by no means unique; thousands of kids in NYC and other metro accessible cities do this everyday.

All this to say that if two kids from Podunkville could figure all this out armed with just a subway map and tenuous grasp of English, I’m sure that OP’s DD would do just fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not let my DD go on this particular trip if the parents are as described.

If a different location, or the girls were a bit older- would be different for me.

I went to college at NYU when I was 17. How much older do you want them to be?

And we wonder why so many college kids can’t handle it anymore. They are baby’d instead of parented.

I went to NYU too (at 18). My DD is so different than I was - much less independent (but she has learning disabilities, etc), and a bit naive. The bottom line is that you need to know your kid. I would be very nervous about my kid doing this (I mean, she is not street smart at all) but I would probably allow it, if she were with a friend who is savvy and mature.

I have a lot of severe learning disabilities and am street smart, and sometimes took myself to NYC or Boston as a teenager for the day. You can be both.

Did you have executive functioning issues?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not let my DD go on this particular trip if the parents are as described.

If a different location, or the girls were a bit older- would be different for me.

I went to college at NYU when I was 17. How much older do you want them to be?

And we wonder why so many college kids can’t handle it anymore. They are baby’d instead of parented.

I went to NYU too (at 18). My DD is so different than I was - much less independent (but she has learning disabilities, etc), and a bit naive. The bottom line is that you need to know your kid. I would be very nervous about my kid doing this (I mean, she is not street smart at all) but I would probably allow it, if she were with a friend who is savvy and mature.

Nah all kids are "different" now because we coddle them - it's the parenting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live in nyc and my 14yo has been going all over the city since she was 12, as have most of the other kids we know.
Your child is 2 years away from leaving home. Please give them the opportunity to stretch their wings a bit and become independent.
NYC is a safer city than DC.

12-14 is very young to be going out alone in NYC. That's lazy parenting. It isn't safer than DC and my sibling after 25 years moved out as she started to feel unsafe.

The chaperoning parents don't sound responsible. That's a no for me.

No, it isn’t. It’s normal. There are plenty of kids even younger going out alone all over the country including in NYC.
The parents sound fine, you and op are the ones with anxiety and unrealistic expectations.

Not ok and they sound irresponsible parents.

Parent shaming to rationalize that your anxiety doesn't allow your kids a normal childhood that every other generation of kids have had is pretty pathetic

[Anonymous]

I let my 16 year old go to Hawaii with DH and let him invite a friend. I couldn’t go and DH was in meetings all day of the week. They even flew alone on a separate airline. They had a blast.

[Anonymous]

Another vote for “let her go”