Need advise on letting my 16 year old go somewhere...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live in nyc and my 14yo has been going all over the city since she was 12, as have most of the other kids we know.
Your child is 2 years away from leaving home. Please give them the opportunity to stretch their wings a bit and become independent.
NYC is a safer city than DC.

12-14 is very young to be going out alone in NYC. That's lazy parenting. It isn't safer than DC and my sibling after 25 years moved out as she started to feel unsafe.

The chaperoning parents don't sound responsible. That's a no for me.

DP Tell me you live in a bubble without telling me you live in a bubble. Just how do you think middle schoolers in NYC get from their home to school? The bright shiny yellow school bus on the corner with Gladys the friendly bus driver?? They walk, bus, and use the subway. By Themselves.

They stop giving subway cards to parents by 3rd grade - so even younger.

Some parents will helicopter 20yr olds. I am a professor. I have seen it.

Always good to support your kid.

[Anonymous]

I was going into NYC from NJ with older friends when I was 13. We just wanted to walk around the village and shop and stuff like that. It was part of growing up. Back then there weren’t even call phones.

I’d let her go but tell her you want to be back at the parents’ apartment by a certain time each evening, if that would make you feel better.

[Anonymous]

Mine is the same age and I’d totally let her go. I mean many 16 year olds DRIVE, which meant they can go literally anywhere.

I’d just want her to keep her phone charged and her location on so I can check on her (and she can call if needed), that’s my rule for mine who wanders all over with her friends. For NYC, I’d make sure she has the Uber app

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live in nyc and my 14yo has been going all over the city since she was 12, as have most of the other kids we know.
Your child is 2 years away from leaving home. Please give them the opportunity to stretch their wings a bit and become independent.
NYC is a safer city than DC.

12-14 is very young to be going out alone in NYC. That's lazy parenting. It isn't safer than DC and my sibling after 25 years moved out as she started to feel unsafe.

The chaperoning parents don't sound responsible. That's a no for me.

You’re nuts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like a great opportunity for her. Talk to her about safety and street smarts, get her to promise to text you ever few hours, set up “find my device” so you can see where she is if need be, and let her go.

No, don't tell her to text you every few hours. Way to pass on your anxiety.

Better to tell her to stay off her phone when she's out and about. Situational awareness.

[Anonymous]

I would be hesitant.

[Anonymous]

At 16, I would send her. However, I do understand your stress, especially given that the other parents have already said they basically wont be supervising them at all.

I would give her a curfew and some guidelines, stay together, no clubs, don’t be on your phone when out, etc etc. I don’t know if she will listen and only you know how responsible she is. My very suburban kid would probably welcome some rules to be the reason why they can’t do something crazy in the city, if that’s how the friend rolls.

[Anonymous]

I would worry some but let her go. I would ask for her to share her location (and we are not a family that does this aside when someone is traveling and on the way to meet up)

I do not think you can have a curfew unless the other parents will enforce it for both kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live in nyc and my 14yo has been going all over the city since she was 12, as have most of the other kids we know.
Your child is 2 years away from leaving home. Please give them the opportunity to stretch their wings a bit and become independent.
NYC is a safer city than DC.

12-14 is very young to be going out alone in NYC. That's lazy parenting. It isn't safer than DC and my sibling after 25 years moved out as she started to feel unsafe.

The chaperoning parents don't sound responsible. That's a no for me.

No, it isn’t. It’s normal. There are plenty of kids even younger going out alone all over the country including in NYC.
The parents sound fine, you and op are the ones with anxiety and unrealistic expectations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like a great opportunity for her. Talk to her about safety and street smarts, get her to promise to text you ever few hours, set up “find my device” so you can see where she is if need be, and let her go.

No, don't tell her to text you every few hours. Way to pass on your anxiety.

Better to tell her to stay off her phone when she's out and about. Situational awareness.

EXACTLY!!!

street smarts
situational awareness
autonomy
critical thinking

Stop tracking your kids
Stop asking them to constantly check in.

Raising sheep that are going to flounder in college or call/text you non-stop instead of making their own informed choices. But I think this generation of parents have given up so much of themselves in raising children that they secretly WANT their children to never grow up and move on. They want to be needed 24/7 and think that is a marker of good parenting. It isn’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live in nyc and my 14yo has been going all over the city since she was 12, as have most of the other kids we know.
Your child is 2 years away from leaving home. Please give them the opportunity to stretch their wings a bit and become independent.
NYC is a safer city than DC.

12-14 is very young to be going out alone in NYC. That's lazy parenting. It isn't safer than DC and my sibling after 25 years moved out as she started to feel unsafe.

The chaperoning parents don't sound responsible. That's a no for me.

DP Tell me you live in a bubble without telling me you live in a bubble. Just how do you think middle schoolers in NYC get from their home to school? The bright shiny yellow school bus on the corner with Gladys the friendly bus driver?? They walk, bus, and use the subway. By Themselves.

They stop giving subway cards to parents by 3rd grade - so even younger.

Some parents will helicopter 20yr olds. I am a professor. I have seen it.

Always good to support your kid.

By calling/emailing professors for them? Um no helicopter. That is insanity.

[Anonymous]

Let her go! I would have loved something like that as a teenager. She is going to be in college in two years and you won't be able to watch her every move.

[Anonymous]

What a gift. Let her go!

[Anonymous]

You are isn’t unreasonable. I used to live in Manhattan there are so many people around that I always felt much, much safer than I ever have in DC, and I lived in the neighborhood the UES rapist was stalking.

[Anonymous]

Adults decide this. Not teens.

You don't put another parent in this spot, where Op finds herself. Ideally. If I had been the parent of the teen doing the inviting, I would have said, "It's an interesting idea. Let me think about it ...and not give any indication that it *might* happen" Meanwhile, adult talk to each other. If Op doesn't want it to happen, it doesn't happen. The conversation is between adults.