Need advise on letting my 16 year old go somewhere...

[Anonymous]

I would not let my DD go on this particular trip if the parents are as described.

If a different location, or the girls were a bit older- would be different for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD and her best friend went to NYC by themselves for their 16th birthday. They wandered around the village, saw a couple of shows, skated, got matcha, etc. had a great time!

Did they stay by themselves in a hotel?

Nope, DH had a friend who was going out of town and they used her apartment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t let mine go. We don’t have much experience in urban settings and there’s a lot of riff raff in NYC. I wouldn’t send my child on a trip to NYC with another family without me.

Ma'am, could you please define the riff raff of which you speak?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP.

While I may be in agreement with lots of you saying to "let her go", you all need to turn that judgmental finger inward. There is ZERO need for the snark, judgment and just plain bi---iness seen in some of your posts. Not sure why many of you on this board feel that sort of thing is necessary. Just gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not let my DD go on this particular trip if the parents are as described.

If a different location, or the girls were a bit older- would be different for me.

I went to college at NYU when I was 17. How much older do you want them to be?

And we wonder why so many college kids can’t handle it anymore. They are baby’d instead of parented.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s 16!!!!

Cut the umbilical cord my God

+1

[Anonymous]

I would not let my child go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:BTDT we were the other family and DD brought a friend from HS.
She will be fine. Let her go. It’ll be an awesome experience for her

We’ve also taken our kids’ friends with us on trips to NYC where we allow them to hang out on their own. We don’t have a house there but get hotel rooms in Times square area. We’ve never had a family decline and we’ve never had an issue.

[Anonymous]

I live in nyc and my 14yo has been going all over the city since she was 12, as have most of the other kids we know.
Your child is 2 years away from leaving home. Please give them the opportunity to stretch their wings a bit and become independent.
NYC is a safer city than DC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I live in nyc and my 14yo has been going all over the city since she was 12, as have most of the other kids we know.
Your child is 2 years away from leaving home. Please give them the opportunity to stretch their wings a bit and become independent.
NYC is a safer city than DC.

12-14 is very young to be going out alone in NYC. That's lazy parenting. It isn't safer than DC and my sibling after 25 years moved out as she started to feel unsafe.

The chaperoning parents don't sound responsible. That's a no for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live in nyc and my 14yo has been going all over the city since she was 12, as have most of the other kids we know.
Your child is 2 years away from leaving home. Please give them the opportunity to stretch their wings a bit and become independent.
NYC is a safer city than DC.

12-14 is very young to be going out alone in NYC. That's lazy parenting. It isn't safer than DC and my sibling after 25 years moved out as she started to feel unsafe.

The chaperoning parents don't sound responsible. That's a no for me.

DP Tell me you live in a bubble without telling me you live in a bubble. Just how do you think middle schoolers in NYC get from their home to school? The bright shiny yellow school bus on the corner with Gladys the friendly bus driver?? They walk, bus, and use the subway. By Themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live in nyc and my 14yo has been going all over the city since she was 12, as have most of the other kids we know.
Your child is 2 years away from leaving home. Please give them the opportunity to stretch their wings a bit and become independent.
NYC is a safer city than DC.

12-14 is very young to be going out alone in NYC. That's lazy parenting. It isn't safer than DC and my sibling after 25 years moved out as she started to feel unsafe.

The chaperoning parents don't sound responsible. That's a no for me.

DP Tell me you live in a bubble without telling me you live in a bubble. Just how do you think middle schoolers in NYC get from their home to school? The bright shiny yellow school bus on the corner with Gladys the friendly bus driver?? They walk, bus, and use the subway. By Themselves.

They stop giving subway cards to parents by 3rd grade - so even younger.

Some parents will helicopter 20yr olds. I am a professor. I have seen it.

[Anonymous]

I’d probably let my DD go but would need some assurances from my own DD and possibly the parents about evening activities/evening supervision.

That said: people are being rather harsh on the OP. For a kid familiar with navigating large cities this trip would be NBD. How would some of these parents feel about their kid (unsupervised by adults) going camping in the wilderness? A long desert hike? Boating -on the ocean? Riding on a large ranch? Hunting? All of which are considered quite normal for teens to do in some areas but likely unusual to you. The kids of DH’s rural relatives do all sorts of things I would never allow ours to do…They would laugh hysterically at someone nervous about their older teen son going on a backwoods deer hunting trip with friends, for example.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live in nyc and my 14yo has been going all over the city since she was 12, as have most of the other kids we know.
Your child is 2 years away from leaving home. Please give them the opportunity to stretch their wings a bit and become independent.
NYC is a safer city than DC.

12-14 is very young to be going out alone in NYC. That's lazy parenting. It isn't safer than DC and my sibling after 25 years moved out as she started to feel unsafe.

The chaperoning parents don't sound responsible. That's a no for me.

DP Tell me you live in a bubble without telling me you live in a bubble. Just how do you think middle schoolers in NYC get from their home to school? The bright shiny yellow school bus on the corner with Gladys the friendly bus driver?? They walk, bus, and use the subway. By Themselves.

So do plenty of kids in the DC area. But taking public transportation on a familiar route you've practiced, in daylight hours, with other kids probably taking the same route is an entirely different thing from exploring at unknown hours in a city you've never been in.

I would probably allow my kid to do what OP's kid is asking to do, but my kid was using public transportation in DC before 12.

[Anonymous]

Is your daughter reasonable and responsible? Talk to her about being safe in an unknown city, tell her wether you think she should go (eg don’t leave Manhattan without an adult; don’t stay out past X o’clock, etc). If she’s a pretty reasonable kid and you trust her to hold your boundaries if her friend suggests otherwise, let her go. If she’s rebellious/forgetful/easily flustered/highly anxious/overawed by this friend, maybe have her sit this one out. I knew kids at 16 for whom this might have been a disaster but most of us would have been fine.

I explored NYC alone with a friend at 15 — not staying the night but taking the train in, going to a few museums, then a specific art film we wanted to see, then taking the train back to her home. I felt so accomplished and grown up doing it!