Charging people to attend a home holiday party

[Anonymous]

I would ask the hosts to pay for my new outfit, the bottle of wine that I brought, the Uber to get there, and the babysitter for my kids. I’d hand them a bill itemizing those costs and would give a $75 credit for the entry fee.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No way.

Have people bring a dish and byob.

Even that is ... not classy. If you're just providing the house then be very clear about that. I am not attending potlucks or paying to attend any parties.

What’s up with the antagonism towards potlucks or bringing a dish? This seems like a new very faux-bougie classist or antisocial millenial-coded thing.

+1

For family or close friends, asking people to bring a dish or dessert etc is perfectly fine. My Great Aunt/Uncle do things this way- they are elderly and enjoy hosting -happy to provide the space and main dish but appreciate help with the rest. They ask the rest of us to bring sides and dessert etc. It is fine. When we have close friends over for a casual meal they often offer to bring an app or dessert and I accept. Why not? Acquaintances are different, but for close friends and family it’s fine.

They aren’t really ‘hosting’ then… they just don’t want to deal with traveling to someone else’s home.

You are saying that they aren't hosting if they don't provide every bit of food and drink? That's crazy. There is so much that goes into hosting people beyond that. Having the space, cleaning it, getting seating for people, cleaning up afterwards. What a ridiculous statement.

I guess you are someone who would want to charge guests. I agree it is a lot of trouble but if you need to charge guests, don’t have the party.

[Anonymous]

What's with the hate on potlucks? I think it's a snob thing. I went to a billion growing up (solidly MC), and they were warm, friendly neighborhood events. Tons of church potlucks. Every holiday meal for my 40+ person extended family involved the host making the turkey and a few sides, and everything else brought by the rest of the family. If you don't like them, don't go, but they are a totally fine way to throw certain kinds of parties and get-togethers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every time I think people can’t get any tackier, I read something like this.

And TOTALLY redeem yourself! Still wanna go to Aspen?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's with the hate on potlucks? I think it's a snob thing. I went to a billion growing up (solidly MC), and they were warm, friendly neighborhood events. Tons of church potlucks. Every holiday meal for my 40+ person extended family involved the host making the turkey and a few sides, and everything else brought by the rest of the family. If you don't like them, don't go, but they are a totally fine way to throw certain kinds of parties and get-togethers.

+1. There is absolutely a gracious, nice way of doing potlucks. My book club does one every time and I love it. The food is always great- there isn't a demand to be homemade, I often pick something up at Whole Foods. Why should one person be in charge of feeding an entire group especially during. dinner time?

[Anonymous]

What the hell? What kind of person does this? No tact. I’ve never heard of this, eve

[Anonymous]

"What the hell? What kind of person does this? No tact. I’ve never heard of this, ever.'

An entire country does this - The Netherlands. Just look up Tikkie and Dutch and see what ridiculous lengths they go to in order to squeeze every penny out of friends and family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No way.

Have people bring a dish and byob.

Even that is ... not classy. If you're just providing the house then be very clear about that. I am not attending potlucks or paying to attend any parties.

Oh, calm down, potlucks are fine. We are going to my husband's soccer team's holiday party this weekend, and everyone is bringing something. I'm making cookies and bringing a bottle of bourbon, it's no big deal. It will be fun to see people and I am grateful I don't have to clean the house!

[Anonymous]

We do this for an organized neighborhood wide adults only cocktail party with catered food and bartender, but would never do this for an informal type house party. That’s super weird

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's with the hate on potlucks? I think it's a snob thing. I went to a billion growing up (solidly MC), and they were warm, friendly neighborhood events. Tons of church potlucks. Every holiday meal for my 40+ person extended family involved the host making the turkey and a few sides, and everything else brought by the rest of the family. If you don't like them, don't go, but they are a totally fine way to throw certain kinds of parties and get-togethers.

They're gross. People let their cats climb on kitchen counters, they let kids with dirty hands "help", the food is not temperature controlled properly, people skimp on quality ingredients. Just no. When we host, we use high quality ingredients, everything is served at the correct temperature, our kitchen is deep cleaned before we begin cooking, the dog is gated out of the kitchen, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's with the hate on potlucks? I think it's a snob thing. I went to a billion growing up (solidly MC), and they were warm, friendly neighborhood events. Tons of church potlucks. Every holiday meal for my 40+ person extended family involved the host making the turkey and a few sides, and everything else brought by the rest of the family. If you don't like them, don't go, but they are a totally fine way to throw certain kinds of parties and get-togethers.

They're gross. People let their cats climb on kitchen counters, they let kids with dirty hands "help", the food is not temperature controlled properly, people skimp on quality ingredients. Just no. When we host, we use high quality ingredients, everything is served at the correct temperature, our kitchen is deep cleaned before we begin cooking, the dog is gated out of the kitchen, etc.

But no one knows that you do all that, so perhaps they think your food prep is gross. You sound like someone who should just stay at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"What the hell? What kind of person does this? No tact. I’ve never heard of this, ever.'

An entire country does this - The Netherlands. Just look up Tikkie and Dutch and see what ridiculous lengths they go to in order to squeeze every penny out of friends and family. [/quote

NP. I had always thought "going Dutch" was just a strange expression that didn't mean much. Until I recently read an article on how the Dutch nickel and dime each other nonstop. It was SHOCKING to me. Husbands and wives had huge lists itemized and they'd exchange money even. I really had no idea they were such a cheap people. I had a friend once in our 20s who would get a calculator out and start telling everyone exactly what we owed at restaurants. We'd all ordered 2 drinks and a meal and just expected to throw our credit cards in and pay 1/4 each. She drove us nuts with things like that. If someone orders 4 drinks, appetizer, meal and dessert, then sure they should be getting their own bill.

I'm not opposed to potlucks, especially with family. I really like bringing a dish to Thanksgiving or a summer BBQ. I'm just glad to be included.

[Anonymous]

I was invited to a holiday party and asked to pay - i did - through online payment! LOL - in this case i love this friend and know friend has very little money/ is a writer - so i gladly paid! I chalked it up to an artistic quirk.

If it were another professional type, I would not do it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been asked to pay to attend a home holiday party for the first time. I don’t know how different this is from splitting a bill with a group of friends.

Is this common?

Maybe just new for me.

Not new at all. Our holiday parties are always BYOB with a modest cover charge. We also "pass the hat." TIA

[Anonymous]

I had a relative (executive making very good money) who took a bunch of us out to eat...and then weeks later sent everybody a bill. I should add that this was during a reunion where his family lived, but the rest of us had to spring for flights and hotel rooms. This feels similar...but I guess at least they're informing you of the charge in advance.