What personal battle are you currently fighting?

[Anonymous]

Suffering from some sort of yet to be ID'd autoimmune disorder that is now impacting my cardiac health. Last month I was unable to place any weight on my knee and was on 20mg of Prednisone 3 times a day for 3 weeks which destroyed my ability to sleep and has left my face unrecognizable.

[Anonymous]

Expenses are mounting and we are now living paycheck to paycheck. My husband is in a pink collar job and utterly content with his lot in life. In desperation I applied for a new job yesterday and already have an interview today. This money will really change our family's trajectory.
I don't want to be the breadwinner. I want to be a homemaker who works a few evenings a week (my current situation, healthcare). I don't want to work long hours and be away from my children.

[Anonymous]

Wife and I are currently TTC for our second child. While getting pregnant with our daughter was very easy (happened the second month of trying), it's been harder with number two, as we're on month six of trying now. We've undergone some initial tests, and there isn't anything on the surface that seems to explain why we're struggling to conceive. Because we're both older, and we don't want a huge age gap between our children, we've started the very preliminary process of exploring outside fertility treatments, but it's very daunting, and definitely not a road that we want to go down if we can avoid it.

At the same time, there's been a slew of layoffs in my department at work. Fortunately, I was safe this last round. Leadership has consistently said that they won't be any layoffs in the near future, but I've seen the companies financials (which aren't great), and client facing work seems to be drying up, so something doesn't add up, and I'm worried about my job security, which is great considering we're potentially staring down paying for IVF. I've been applying for new jobs more aggressively that I have in recent years, but haven't had many bites

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Feel free to unload whatever you are carrying here. Let’s send each other love and strength.

Need to pass a test that I'm studying furiously over but have a hard time focusing, need more $$ finances need to be better, I feel headaches all the time and wonder if I have a brain tumor?? I'm just angry in general and try to cope. I wish my old friends would reach out to me but they don't.

[Anonymous]

Stage 3 breast cancer, have a young child, aging unhealthy parents who did not financially prepare for retirement. Gen X is never talked about but we are getting the squeeze now for sure.

[Anonymous]

Dealing with harassment at work, and the suicide of teen child’s close friend. I feel like I’m barely hanging on. I want to quit my job but can’t until I have something else lined up, but it’s hard to job hunt while also supporting my child who is hurting. So for now, my focus is on my kid, but going to work everyday makes me want to puke. Sometimes I just want to disappear for a while and take a break from life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Single, early turning into mid 40s, obviously never going to have a spouse/kid by this point, pretty much given up on dating. Lived/worked overseas for a long time and moved back just before COVID, and never really managed to make friends outside work. Father has Parkinsons and is declining, mother is also aging. I spend much of my free time helping them out, which means I have no real life outside work and my parents. Which in turn means once they are no longer around, there's not really going to be anyone important in my life save a nephew as my sibling and I do not and have never gotten along.

Career is going extremely well. Otherwise future is going to be a comfortable but likely very quiet life with no real friends and the occasional visit from nephew. But I don't have the personality that thinks in terms of fighting personal battles. I just get on with it. Then eventually I'll die and will be forgotten.

To you, and 21:05, assuming you are both women: I am a recently divorced guy 10-11-12 years older than you, with launched kids in their 30’s and grandchildren. I met a woman who fits your (similar) life paths to a T, and we really clicked. I’m very comfortably retired, constantly enjoying the outdoors with my dogs or hiking/biking, helping a lot with an aged parent, but bored and having a huge antipathy to the apps. Due to being married, I haven’t dated in many decades.

But I get a sense that neither I nor the woman I met would want put up with another person’s chronic intrusion into our “places of one’s own,” particularly not wanting our sleep disturbed, bathrooms entered, kitchens disrupted, etc.

Can either of you relate to this, wanting a honey/sweetheart/lover/partner, but wishing it could happen with a lot of intensity while somehow not taking over our space/s?

And how do you feel about being involved with someone who has no children to raise, but who has a bunch of family that you would have the “privilege” of getting to know very well?

Also, would it bug you to be a hard-working woman involved with a retired man?

All my questions are reflective of the personal “battle” I’m currently fighting.

I'm one of the posters you responded to. When I allow myself the luxury of thinking about the ideal relationship for a middle aged person, it is something you described. I am quite used to having my own independence and space and control over much of my decision-making and having to learn how to give up some of that and share more of my personal space with someone else would definitely be a learning curve. I'm not opposed to it if that should ever come up, but given that there will be no desire or rush into having children, I also do like the idea of two grown adults who spend a lot of time with each other and are in a relationship, while still maintaining separate residences and separate private spaces. I work but if I was dating someone retired, I could see it becoming a relationship where we spend weekends and holidays with each other and travel with each other, but during the week I'm focused on my job and enjoy the peace of sleeping in my own bed after a long day working. I wouldn't feel the need to do everything together. I also wouldn't be upset or feel left out if hypothetical partner wanted to go off for a weekend golfing or cycling with old friends, likewise I'd expect partner wouldn't mind my doing something similar with an old friend overseas.

It seems like you may have a good thing going and I'd just go with the flow and you can always have little conversations here and there about expectations should you feel it needs to come up.

Thanks for the beautifully written encouragement, PP! And you eminently deserve to (frequently) allow yourself the luxury of thinking about living your best life! You’ve made fighting my personal battle seem much more winnable — because I think the woman I met has deep fears of losing her autonomy/space in any serious relationship, and you’re affirming that perhaps there are ways that exist for people to have their cakes and eat them too.

[Anonymous]

We are drowning in this economy just paying the basic necessities. We have old cars and my husband fixes them himself, we don’t go on vacations, we don’t eat out/go out, we barter with friends when we can, cook a lot from scratch, we don’t have cable, we thrift our clothes, make our own cleaning products when possible, pick up side jobs whenever possible. We are educated and my husband has a good blue collar job. It’s just not enough anymore. We are struggling to pay for formula, diapers, and food. Feels like it will never get better. We were getting along just fine before, then everything seemed to get so, so much more expensive.

[Anonymous]

I’m afraid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m afraid.

That sounds more dramatic than I meant it to. I’m unemployed and looking for work. I’m not sure yet what I want to do, but I’d like it to include books and reading and research, problem solving, and possibly customer service — and it would be a career pivot. I’ve been looking at job listings at universities and in federal, state, and county government. I live alone and no longer have any living family. I’m scared about what my future might hold without the security of a family safety net to advocate for me if I should need that.

[Anonymous]

I'm a failure. No friends, no career success, just a masters from an online university.

[Anonymous]

I feel like I can't and don't want to take another breath. I don't want to be here anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am going to save my complaint that felt so hopeless and huge before reading these posts. I wish every pp the best and something positive soon.

I feel the same way, PP. I don’t feel like I can even specifically quote any of these posts because so many are heartbreaking.

+1

This thread is also a good reminder as to why it’s best to treat strangers with kindness. You just never know what people are dealing with in the lives. The cashier who was rude to you may be exhausted and dealing with a divorce or sick family member or special needs kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am deeply, mutually in love and feel I have found my person. He feels the same. But he has a young child, and I’d never imagined that I would be with someone with a kid. Taking on the role of stepparent and having his ex be part of his/our life forever seems like too much for me to take on. Keeping his life with me and his life as a parent separate as we have been is starting to weigh heavily and it’s getting close to the time where I need to jump in or jump ship. Every day I agonize over whether I should walk away from the love of my life and break both our hearts (but set him free), or accept the life I must have to be with him. Some days I think it would be crazy to walk away and lose so much happiness, and some days I think it would be crazy to stay and risk so much unhappiness. It feels like the true pivotal moment of my life and I don’t know what to do.

How old is the child and have you met/spent any time with them? Do you want kids of your own or had you envisioned a life without kids?

Maybe you can reframe this as the opportunity to love a new person who is an extension of someone you already love. Yes kids add a lot of chaos to life and have to be a priority, but they grow and it’s not like they are a little kid that will live with you forever (barring special needs). And if the ex is involved then you guys should have 50% free time to do adult things, travel, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a failure. No friends, no career success, just a masters from an online university.

Please try to think of something to be grateful for every day.
Simple things:
Your yogurt was cold.
Your sheets are clean (that’s a big one for me!)
A good movie.
Most of all…do something nice. Volunteer on thanksgiving. Smile at someone.

Maybe don’t spend time on DCUM.